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original: detonatedlove♥pictures: owner's own |
Thursday, December 31, 2009
Im Very Much Confused
12:23 AM First things first... Happy 21st Burstday to my nature-loving.. tree-hugging.. Bimbotic fren.. Faris Hilton.. hahaha!! have a good one aight! =)) OUhk.. bck to what i'm supposed to type up.. Its NYE, i gt no plans.. i mean close ones are gonna enjoy thmselves over at the floating platform. I knw i sound very pathetic, times like this i wished i had someone dear to me next to me. I mean, we don't need parties, we dun need $$$ coz all we need is each other and dats about it. REALITY.. i'm single.. yeah, i do have sme people in mind. which makes me super confused about things. It sucks to weigh down pros and cons. I'm still holding on to the string of hope for her, but how long can i hold on to? I have a crush on someone but i knw in the long run, things like these i don't want.. confusing end to a really fcuked up 2009. Ohh my... and im gtting sick oready. having terrible headache.. idk y... Mommy and daddy went M'sia again, this time i think KL.. soo dere goes my bank.. yes, i'm left with $20.. $20.10 to be exact... and i'm supposed to hold on to these money till err 2nd Jan - ZOO with the SAF family day 4th Jan - COS duty, but i guess i can suffice with ckhouse food and my cans of tiger.. 5th Jan - CO dialogue.. ouhh sheyy.. 9th Jan - BMTC gala <-- i just need to hold on to this date.. after which, i hope to get a wardrobe makeover.. i need a change; a change for the better... ok, this pain is killing me oready... Happy New Year People.. in advance.. and once again.. Happy Burstday Faris Hilton Labels: hey you never knw how many times YOU made me smile =) Tuesday, December 29, 2009
Realization
1:02 AM Ok, i'll post about the Batam trip when i gt all the pictures tagged. Apparently Haiqal is being sucha PDS, he tagged himself only. Pics are up on FB. This entry is about hw this trip woke me up!! like for real. I know its been hard. I donno wad ive been trying to do, trying to prove. I don't get myself either. I felt like a loser. With no direction in life. You're all that i need babe. I din noe hw u feel fr me last time, i nvr did ask.. all i cared was myself. I was soo foolish, soo stupid, that i never feel for you more. Now though time passed, i locked up these feelings, only to be break open, to realise dat, i had never once put you away. Babe, these feelings nvr once changed.. mayb the one that changed was myself.. and now im taking bck these steps to chnge to a person you would notice and perhaps be the guy you'd always wanter and search for. ILU dearly.. i still do. Saturday, December 26, 2009
Batam, Indonesia
2:54 AM  All right, we're heading Batam after killing zombies.. I soo can't wait.. can't sleep.. I need to!!! I'm gonna miss the rest of LeScumz hu wun b joining us.. korang boring.. Missing Faris, Leon, Vic & Su (plus that JAPANESE MOFO SHUUJ!!!) whos enjoying his time drinking sake i guess.. Also gonna miss the other dance people.. (not all, sme oni) I'M DEFINITELY NOT MISSING TEKONG. all thats left is to withdraw my money and gt it changed.. woohoo cannot wait!!! Friday, December 25, 2009
No Need For Apologies
12:16 AM Hey, i guess it's a misunderstanding. I cldnt agree less with you; we've been there for each other and i would hope for it to continue. Theres not a need for apologies man, we're both humans and we're not shield from making mistakes. And i'm not the kindest person or being nice to you.. i'm only like these to certain people. In other words friends that i deem fit to recieve these kinda treatment from me. Nonetheless, u're missed.. Hope to meet up with you soon. Zoo? hahah! For the rest of u Bloppers, Have a Merry and Joyful Christmas right! Labels: Naka, thanks for everything. Thursday, December 24, 2009
Sorry
9:17 PM You just have to apologise right... haiz... just gimme a bit o time to coolmyself down...
I FInally Woke Up
7:43 PM Woke up from my illusion and then i realised.. who are you to me. Just someone you will text when you need. Thanks uh!!! p.s: I hate being treated like an item on a shelf.
I Miss You
1:12 AM Its weird, how i don't see your name gracing my phone's screen. Whenever we had our simple random text conversations or perhaps when we met and talk over ciggarettes, it makes me a happier person, like thres someone to talk about all shits whther its weird or stupid, nature or not.. but well, its weird nw when it's all silent. I'm wonderin wads gg on on the or end of the line. Hope you're not sick and everything.. you need not need to say sorry whenever you reply l8, fr at least you reply, but this time round.. man.. its killing me wanting to know wads wrong. I miss you babe.. not the stupid couple miss la.. i just miss you. I hope to get a text or call from you... i really hope... was it sth i said or did? not knwing hw u r nw makes me feel worried.. really am i knw i shldnt be soo caring towards you, bt i just cant stop myself... get back to me Ris Low.. please do.. Labels: where did Ris Low went? Wednesday, December 23, 2009
Let's Go
9:15 PM Yeah, i'm not supposed to wait for your calls or msgd.. just like it tortured u, at times its torturing me.. but im making myself busy soo i wouldnt need to care. Take Care. Labels: does it matter? Tuesday, December 22, 2009
Anxiety
11:16 PM I should stop having second thots. it's already bad enough tht im having split personality.. but i can't keep having second thots abt almost everything.. and if the thots is good nvm, the thots are always negative. Sometimes i wish you get the hints, but its ok. =) I dun noe, but i really do miss you. i mean, days since we last met. i'm going on a string of events of which i'll b supa bz.. xmas party, backpacking trip, NY countdown.. nonetheless, if i'm unable to contact u in any way or another, jus wishing u best of health, and taking care always. Lastly, this isn't a love entry, i just miss a friend. The rest of mahh frens.. PARTY PEOPLE ON!!! Labels: heys..
=)
3:00 PM Im done with Tekong as of 1900 later; and dats fr Xmas celebration!! Hope deres BBQ and plenty of Tiger to go around. After which... Mas, Qal, Ma-El & Fa2... Yok naik Penguin ferry, this time round it wun dock at Tekong.. Batam baybeh!!! Batam crash course.. ala ala L5D. wooo!! i soo can't wait.. its this weekend!!! JESUS ZAGA!!!! hahahah!!!! I need a break from Urban life, time to hit the streets man.. i mean kampong streets... anyway, hoped those hu need to rest well, had adequate rest. =) Labels: take care babe.. hehe Monday, December 21, 2009
Empty Entry
8:31 PM I was about to type something.. when you msged...
Stuck On Boredom
2:49 PM As im sitting on this same sofa; sound of boots, soldiers marching in the distant. This company line though, remains silent. I sat and i thought, a simple thought why am i here? in this office waiting to rot. I've got no soldiers to train; and like they said no pain, no gain. I feel soo lonely, in fact i am alone in this office, at times at the smoking point. It'll be nice if theres people around to talk to and not just facebook alone. I hate it when people calls the office; for none of the calls are meant for me. Why the invent of mobiles, when we're still leaving msges? maybe its the Christmas season; to make it more personal? Back to Christmas, i got my very first gift; Didn't expect it but i got it. A bar from Chocolate Research Facility A chocolate nonetheless. In the back of this head, hangs this sudden thought.. but i guess that thought is in jeapordy i mean when it comes to people putting their worthless penny Now I wonder.. i really wonder can this boredom be lifted? can you be the answer? Labels: babe im bored man like super bored
Being Sick Is Sometimes A Good Thing
9:31 AM Yeah being sick is sometimes good. I mean you get royal treatment from everyone. lol! not! i just find it nice coz for once at least momsy took notice of me. ok minus her consistent and irritating nagging; forcing me to down my medicines.. which i hated most. I DON'T DOWN DROWSY-INDUCIVE MEDICINES. Man, i gt my Toy Story blankie.. lol! i noe, i only use it whenever i got a damn fever, i think the blankie cured me uh.. OK, now im currently in camp. Very irranoying i noe, but nvm.. just a duty like every other day. Tmrw having the H1N1 vaccine, prays hard i wun gt side effects; im knwn to be of a weird genetic make-up compared to normal human. hahaha!!! Then damned BMTC just have to organize some X'Mas party.. wonders... i wun mind the drinks man... However, to start off the day.. i was irritated by a new specialist (a.k.a idiots hu just graduated from command school). I swear when i just bcme a sergeant, i wasnt dumb looking, i dun talk nonsense.. these idiot, omfg!!! talks alot, asks me abt his bunk.. asks me for his bunk key, do i look like i noe where it is??? nvm that, wahlao... he talks to me about the lappie, whether its mine or not.. obviously its SAF, cant believe he's soo dumb, since when SAF allow the use of personal lappie unless approved, and as 3SG, the lowest rank in the SAF command level, you think we can bring our own lappie uhh?? den nvm.. ask whether can install games on it!!! Thats it!! i dun talk to gamer addicts!!! and yada yada.. he still yaks away about some lame guard duty thingy dat he needs to tke over one of my specs. ITS NOT GUARD DUTY, ITS COS!!! and wads wrse the reason he said was coz this spec is ORD-ing.. FUCK YOU!!! HE WENT HQ FR SME LAME SHIT ASS THING, HOW CAN HE ORD WHEN I MYSELF HAVENT EVEN ORD. seriously, you can see frm what ive typed out, im seriously pissed off. I cant stand this kinda people.. especially in the morning, and especially when im busy doing something. I WAS PLAYING PETVILLE!!!! irritated man... p.s: Before things get outta hand, im handling things privately, opened to invites only (meaning my closest friends only) too many kpo people uh! Labels: you are supa *boomz* Sunday, December 20, 2009
Rest Rest Rest
2:58 PM All i need is rest now... this fever is draining me out.. really draining me... my face looks soo pale... lost my colors. Just like Shakespeare's novels.. i'm more of complicated then 12th Night itself... Labels: thanks babe.
Kpo-ism
12:32 PM omg! i cant believe someway or another im a celebrity. Its soo funny hw some ppl wanna inject a piece of themselves in my not really interesting life. That explains everything. But i can't be bothered lurhh ehh.. Amusing and interesting to you, but sesungguhnyer i find it plain childish and immature. Get a grip ya'll.. messing with my personal life is a nono.... *you should consult people whove messed with my life before* lastly, anyone out there who thinks im having the love of my life.. dun la assume.. come come, ask me luhh.. dun hesitate, why make an ASS-out of U-and ME... no point kpo-ing and yea, very bad u noe.. very bad Labels: totally not bothered Friday, December 18, 2009
Whatever It Takes To Save
11:48 AM Im not angry with you guys, im just disappointed. Let us just do some reflection; not me.. not you.. US... dun always assume wad the other party is assuming. and i guess i finally found a twin. i'm getting a good feeling about this me. lol! Labels: clearing leave, ill cya soon man Thursday, December 17, 2009
Alternate Ending
10:35 AM I slept crying, woke up smiling.. Haha.. sweetest dream ever.. =) *grins for ear to ear prancing around the office* Labels: lets go lepak under the umbrella again
Blamed
1:41 AM No point. i'm always blamed, to b blamed dat i blame myself. seriously, im crying as i type this out. im removing myself frm u guys, just like how u guys want me to; indirectly but i can feel it. yes im ridiculous, im all the shits u guys want me to be. im all e negative aura. and all u guys think is dat i dun understand u guys. ive lost a brother before.. i dun need to lose a family, but i guess im losing it. Den again, u guys will say im ridiculous again; i dun feel this Batam trip already. my 7days id rather slugg at home. maybe look thru our pictures when evrything was fine. Laughters and joy fil the skies. Where we dun need to care about the world. Sorry guys, i nvr meant to distant myself from u guys, u guys made me. Whenevr im around, i feel like a mere shadow. You guys have your super fun life. and yeah im stuck in tekong.. n dats wad u guys always cme up with the excuse im stuck, busy n tired soo im unable to join you guys. dats it. remove me frm ur contact list. Im jus wasting space. Thot being neglected at home was enough.. thot i met frens who became family.. i was wrong.. people only need me when im needed. im just an extra. cant believe i cant see it from the start. Im forevr alone.. maybe i feel like an orphan.. smetimes i jus feel dat im someone born out of thin air.. i dun have parents who dotes on me.. its always the brother right mama? i am owaes busy with tekong.. right Mas? i am the oni ridiculous one.. right Qal..? sometimes.. it jus suckk.. i've never been a great guy you dreamnt of ryte Ayeen? good things owaes come to a close.. my chapter is ending with you guys... since u guys urselves say im distancing myself.. den fine just like wad u guys say.. i shld jus b like dat.. saying i mke no effort and all.. if i mke no effort, i wun even bother to meet u guys even at late nites.. i wun even go dwn to wdlands.. if i make no effort i wun even msg u guys to hang out.. yeah, saying im calculative when in fact im not.. say wad u guys wanna say.. ive said my piece.. i nvr wana lose you guys, but you guys r indirectly making me do so... thanx for hearing me out all these while,. you guys hve all grown up... all the best in you future endeavours.. ill still be around, but this time round.. alone... and to you, its nice hanging out with you, no, no qal.. its not a replacement.. its someone who at least will be dere wen u need dem. someone to talk to, someone to jus talk about random stars... we dun hve good topics to bitch about, bt we hve topics to share... LISTENING ISNT ABOUT WAITING FOR YOUR TURN TO TALK... Wednesday, December 16, 2009
Happy Thoughts
9:18 PM You texted me saying.. "need anything; just msg.." I felt like replying.. "I just need you" Duhh,, of coz i din say dat.. i just thought of.. lol! tak tau malu nyer aku
Confucked Feeling
12:45 AM I hope after i wrote this entry you wun give me any msgs tht would like surprise me fr the wrong reasons again. I hate whatever im feeling now. One moment you wun be msging but when the least i expect it, there comes ure name on my inbox screen. Babe im getting fragile over this. Im not supposed to get emotionally attached to you man. I hope n pray man. I understand you're bz but it kinda seem ure kinda distancing oso. I need to get my hands off my phone man. I dun wanna msg u. It hurts. Someti mes it feels soo good to be in an illusion but sometimes when reality strikes, it hurts... I may not be perfect but i noe ure just good enough for me. Forver hoping and praying about this friendship between me n u. To make a count, yest we had like 25 msgs.. today 1... im getting tired. idk why im staring at this screen. You wun be online to begin with. Youre like slping now.. waking up at 5.30 tmrw mornin.. n im here.. and im here wondering... wondering whats next.. to move on or not to give up.. i noe i dun usually give up.. but u had me tied up. Labels: confuck confuck confuck Tuesday, December 15, 2009
Meow
10:42 PM Just like a psychic, u kinda read my mind and replied. but like i say, always at the wrong timing.. Hope to see you soon man..
Mixed Feelings
8:01 PM Idk what im feeling now man. anticipating your msgs is killing me; really. I guess you might hve been busy.. but too bz to even msg 1 simple sms? It leaves me wondering; period. You said you're cool and everything, but i think things had made a turn for the worst. Yeah, i was ecstatic tht u replied yesterday's msg aftr hours of wait, but it made my day. At least i can sleep smiling. But today, its all different. Very.. gosh.. Well.. maybe, nicest people are too nice to "not" break hearts, that sometimes they dun realise that the cut they made is even deeper. I'm waiting for ur msgs still man. Really.. i din wanna msg u now n then coz it'll b irritating on ur side, but.. nvm... I'm just hoping. Hopes filled with sweet dreams. Well, even if we're to remain friends, im still gonna be happy; really, but dun do this avoiding thingy man. You said u hate it when i leave u wondering and it kills, soo why now r u doing this to me? im feeling the same shit man.. I have hopes in this man, i really do.. maybe jus a glimmer.. but a glimmer to make me waking up everyday a meaningful one. Im getting more n more confused... playing russian roulette on repeat. stuffing myself with food, smoking my life away, pretending that everything's fine.. well its not really.. its ok though.. i'll be strong, and still hope dat u will reply at least a msg.. or maybe ur phone spoilt.. im just being optimistic abt these situations. tarrahh ppl.. i guess im downing my sorrows with the Tigers.. ive gt no reason to be sober tonight.. wishes do come true.. ryte? Labels: i miss you arumakan
Confusing Complications
12:24 AM I don't know whats running thru my mind now.. i don't exactly had plans for my next move... time is running fast, im gtting too impatient.. i need to calm my nerves.. ohh man.. you should not noe im hving a crush on u... maybe not now.. maybe you already knew.. but lets jus play pretend... well.. u said ure gonna text me.. but u didn't... maybe i shall jus think ure too tired lurhh.. we'll see how tmrw.. complicated.. confusing.. all soo funny... waiting for the unexpected drives me crazy... jus to tell you.. you drive lil black buterflies in me man.. Saturday, December 05, 2009
Music Love
10:45 PM Its soo funny why im having this real major crush on u. I mean we barely noe each other, or maybe its just me stopping myself from the obvious. Im all out man just for you, i do feel we can connect together. Knowing u is jus plain coincidental in many ways. wish to noe u better man. like serious. its time for me to be with someone real enough to mke these boring days ahead a better one than yesterday. And i feel u can do just that. Music is the link btwn us babe. geeez... i dunno wad else to say. Seeing u make my heart skip beats; right Mael?? lol!!! Its all soo near yet soo far away. you can see my heart beating... you can see it through my chest.. you're just like a sweet dream, perhaps a beautiful nightmare... Ill see you soon, hoping and praying.. this time i'll talk to you aite? im breaking this shell just for u.. Labels: trumpet crushed on piccolo |
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