Malay Entry

Issues

I Need To Find Myself

I'm Being Myself

Mixed Feelings

Another Week Long Off

Wondering

Gila Ba Bangs

Sorry And Thank You(s)

Guilty

February 2006

March 2006

April 2006

May 2006

June 2006

July 2006

August 2006

September 2006

October 2006

November 2006

December 2006

January 2007

February 2007

March 2007

April 2007

May 2007

June 2007

July 2007

August 2007

September 2007

October 2007

November 2007

December 2007

January 2008

February 2008

March 2008

April 2008

May 2008

June 2008

July 2008

August 2008

September 2008

November 2008

December 2008

January 2009

February 2009

March 2009

April 2009

May 2009

June 2009

July 2009

August 2009

September 2009

October 2009

November 2009

December 2009

January 2010

February 2010

credits

original: detonatedlove♥
pictures: owner's own

I'm getting serious with financial stuffs this coming few months.
New hp bill to be 70% paid by me. I promised mama and i shall abide to it.
I'm already old enough to think what's best for me. And witht his mature mindset of mine now, as of today, i hereby declare to all bitch-partners out dere, refrain from bitching with me cause, i'm just not gonna bother to listen even 1 percent of it.

Wardrobe wise, i think i had my fair share of shopping done over the past months with that, i'm gonna go down on my fashion labels and buy it off Beach Road, call me cheapo, yet again, i'm doing this for a good cause. Sorry ZARA, sorry River Island, sorry Topman.. i need to part with you guys for a period of 2 or 3 months.

To taxi uncles, you won't be seeing me flaggin that much. TRUST ME!
to Starbucks, i'm gonna be a slave working 5days per week for 3months.
to salons, i got to keep it simple and change to barber for 3 months.
Last splurge will be on the hp. The rest is just a new beginning..

For all the above reasons, i've come to a decision, its TIME.. really really time for me to get myself a motorcycle. I dun care what people will say about my bike, for all i care, I SLUGGED FOR IT OUT OF MY OWN 100% effort and money.
And after i bought it, i'll try to gt it into the black and gold "CHANEL" bike.. god willing that is..

with that, i end this post..
i passed my license April 2007, its about time i wake up..
get that bike.. and no more playing around with my money.. LOVE YOU GUYS..
and new hp coming soon.. i'm soo gonna love it.. and bikey bike.. u're gonna be my girlfriend aite?

lastly, i wanna turn back time.. and be with the one, who i truly care with all my heart. i do miss you, if not i still do love and care for you.. even tho it hasnt been good. Dear Ex-Date, i'm still sorry for everything and i still love you the way you are, i know love is a strong word that you had become the source of it. Till then, tho we parted ways.. its still with me somewhre.. in this small heart of mine.

Gagagagagagga!!!
U had enough tolerating this dumb fuck phone of mine. Stupid Nokia 6288.. you've failed me, and now i'm looking for a perfect day ala Monday to send you back to get serviced. Stupid auto off and dunno what metal things that sometimes i see dangling off. Once you're all repaired, get ready to leave my hands and more, i've already found a new owner that is willing to adopt you though you're retarded. You're born to me on 15th February 2007 at Hello! Compass Point, however i'm giving you away for adoption on 8th November 2007. See how fast time flies. Muahahaha! I'm gonna have a new baby soon. You jealous? I hope not, and she's Red in color. C'mon, compare Red, White and Black.. I'm always going for Red first followed by the color White a.k.a you, lastly Black.
So, please.. be in your best behaviour before i send you over to a new owner. Unlike you, which is a retarded phone.. her phone is crippled. wakakakaka!

Ok i know, i'm talking to a gadget who don't read blogs and i'm talking like as if it's some form of living thing. Anyway, if you guys wanna get a preview look of my new hp, its
Sony Ericsson, W910i Walkman Phone.





Argh, gorgeous! shake it to switch tracks? lol!!! marvelous. Anyone caught having this phone before me, i'm gonna screw you any way i can. If all else fails.. there's always the Prada phone but thats gonna leave me $0 - - - - for the entire month or two.

Ok, i'm bored. So'm not getting that specs. Hah! Lenses enough ok, and and. I'm gonna ask daddy help me buy this baby 1 way or another. WAKAKAKAKAKAKK!

chalo human!

"I've got to move on and be who i am"

I gotta go my own way. Remnants of the past still lingers but ya, I've accepted the fact that I'm just me. =) 4months passed.. sweet memories.

Red is noone to be compared with you; Red doesn't give/shower me with the love you once gave; and to top it all.. you had shown me true love and i felt great.. tho it only lasted for a really.. really really short while. I'll still miss you somehow ex-date, but for now.. i am moving on, and not that i found another person, Red? nahx.. I'm moving on.. to expose myself more to this world than to forever hide my emotions behind this plastic face I always put up.

For now, my main priority is to be a son/sibling that my family will be proud off. Mistakes should never be repeated. As for my friends; I know I'm a fucking irritating moron, but just to tell you guys whatever it is, its just the outside. And I love each and everyone of them. Includes the dancers, my sec school friends and of course my poly mates. Soo far, i think only Mastura Annuar and Yenny Christina know that behind this moron lie a totally different person.

For my twin, its months.. like super months la.. 6months that we no longer contact each other as much as we used to. Sometimes I do feel lost being just Ayul when its supposed to be Double A. Hope 1 day we will be like what we used to be. Seriously, you are fucking missed bro.. no more idiot to disturb me Paparazzi, and all those bitchy times we bitch about random people. Haha!
Hope the fam will go out this raya.. I really hope. Yes, its you none other then Arif Muzzain Mugiono. Bitch! I don't think that you read this blog of mine cause if I remember correctly, all you care is Friendster and MSN. Now that I'm no longer schooling with cha, just wishing you all the best ok? The mother/father/brother came in to Temasek Poly as 4, now we're left with you and Ayeb.. all the best to you both. =)

And Mummy Fizah, i really missed you.. alot..
and guess what, today is your 19th birthday. Remember last year we surprised you? when you thought we frgtten about you.. and we bought a cake and knock on your door and caught you off guard??? where you have tears in your eyes? hahaha!! missing you!!!

Ayeb and Mimin.. you 2, better get your ass out.. i'm missing heavy-drinking sessions with you guys, i dunno if now my tolerance level for alcohol is still high or not.. haha..

Ok, i dunno why i'm getting all emotional out of recent posts. Well.. maybe because, i don't show these feelings outside. or maybe even when I say i miss someone, most think I'm not sincere or whatsoever.

soo now i'm telling those who read my blog.
WHEN I SAY, I MISS YOU.. I REALLY DO..

=))


Its Friday, i can't seem to fall asleep yet. Checking my admin stuff here and there. Mails that comes from stupid senders such as Neopets. lol! I hardly play it.. serious! Some mail for club events and i am so going for it.

Had a chat with my beloved bro Wawan on MSN. Hahaha! Everyone seem eager to know who Red is. First its Yenny, then its Mas, now its Wawan. Lol! ok maybe others out there are asking but can't be bothered to ask me personally. The sad thing is i will not reveal who Red is cause, to protect Red's identity, (and also now to think of it, i dun think Red's knows who Red is). Thus that is why i won't explain. Soo far, only I, Mr Ayul Putra Andika knows who Red is and noone else. Even if you beg me to tell i won't. cause if i have to tell you i have to tell everyone and sorry, i love being fair. =))

Than Wawan came out with this stupid question. If i were to be bi-sexual, list in 1st 2nd 3rd who i will pick from the close friends we have.
Tough question. I'm not saying these people are not good looking or cute, but i feel soo wrong to even pick one. lol!!! I feel weird la.
ehh serious.. cannot think or can't even put in order.

1.)
2.)
3.)

I'm gonna leave it empty for now seriously cause i can't seem to have anyone in mind, for a record i treat all of them the same, ok minus Wawan cause he's my lil bro soo usually he got his chocolates and ice-creams.. see la, later in the day i come out with any decision i'll repost it. lol!!!

THAT IS, if i come to a decision..

till then chalo!

Ever thought that sometimes, perhaps you wished you were born to be someone else?
Like a son of a businessman or the heir to some world class hotel?
Imagine.. Ayul Hilton.. Oohh lala.. ok im not saying I'll be a porn star apart from being the heir to the Hilton hotel, but then again.. that's just some random fantasy.

Problems that had arise of late, had been solved, well i guess.. however left with some debris which would be cleared by stupid banglas as time goes by. And about Red, this topic hot eh? till my blog ratings n visits wanna burst. lol!! It still remains a secret however; i don't think i'm ready yet for Red o anyone else, after i read this particular quote off a website.

"they ignore each other and look the other way; but they both know it wasn't supposed to end this way."

Well i know it wasn't supposed to end that way for me and the sweet girl you-know-who.. people kept urging me to move-on.. YES! i am moving-on. Takes time.. i don't just moved on.. i am moving on.. there's a vague difference ok.

soo Red, we're friends for now.. till later or perhaps we'll just be friends eh. Niwae, you got him anyways.. wakakakka!

Ok, i'm bloody sleepy. and i think wanna end this post like this. Tired to type; and people.. nowadays I'll be working 4-5 days per week; slugging cold hard cash. Muahahahaha!!
Life had never been soo carefree.

p/s: F.U.N,
PLEASE BE REMINDED; OF MEETING ON THIS COMING MONDAY COME PRAC.
ITS GONNA BE SOLELY F.U.N PRAC. YEN YOU KNOW EH.

NEXT, F.U.N + T.C + AFFILIATES,
PLEASE DISCUSS AMONGST OURSELVES ABOUT A SUITABLE DAY TO HIT THE HOUSES. I'M SUGGESTING 27TH OR 28TH. WEEKENDS ARE THE ONLY TIME MOST OF US ARE FREE.. UNLIKE SOME PPL *SNIGGERS* YENNY *COUGHS* DAYMIE *VOMITS* WAWAN.

sooo I'm done here, and NIKI.. how dare yo usay the words are lengthy??? biler mau jln raye.. better confirm earlier.. first come first served eh.. and please.. i request chocolate fondue if i come you house.


Why was i even soo naive to hang out with you all? why did i even made sacrifices. Why did i continue when this isn't the first. Why did i bother when i shldn't b. All the whys i can give but only one answer is cause i trusted you guys.

I feel stupid and shallow now. Put into a whole deeper den any dog can bury. Argghh!!!
I looked forward to meet you guys.. everytime.. sacrificing alot of things, which you people don't even know, JUST to be with you guys. Spend happy times together and share laughter. But, i had to leave today, feeling disgusted, betrayed and all those wrds dat mean e exact same meaning in the thesaurus.

I wasn't stupid for starters, i link things together. I did not assume in the first place but i guess i was proven wrong. I mean i know la, but i jus pretend i din noe, but in the end i was right.

We call ourselves friends, we call ourselves family.. but in the end. lies and deception surrounds us. Issit soo hard for you guys not to lie? Issit soo hard for you guys to speak the truth. It won't hurt me that much to know what you guys were thinking rather then to find it out that you guys lied and acted it all. I know, shitty.. very.. TRUST? heck with it. I trust people once.. and once only, but because you guys mean the world to me, i gave the last 10% of trust i had on you guys.

I din noe dat, when 1 party put soo much trust and comfort wih the other, the other just blew it all away with lies.. lies and more lies..
c'mon, if you guys wanna lie towards me, think again, i'm friggin 19, and! i'm technically smarter tho i don't show it. I won't be serious till needed, and this isn't PMS, PMS is just and excuse. This is hurt with the capital "H".
If you wanna lie, well.. you guys should plan better.. cover up your body language and delete any evidence that will lead me to find about the truth and hurt myself.

I thought about this all the way back home..
i should had spent time with the pinay.. i mean at least, we as 6 years friends.. we quarrel, we fought, we bitch.. but in the end.. we know, we know that among us, we won't lie to hurt others.. we care for each other... and you guys.. just threw shit on me.. not jus 1, but a pile of it.

Once is enough but twice and more is too much and sorry but i gt to pen or shld i say type up my inner feelings in this virtual blog, whre it wun argue with me. I'm not gonna mention your names, but if you guys read this, and if you guys remember what you guys did from 13th October to current, den i guess you guys will know who you guys are. Like i say, we're "supposed" to be close budds.

But then again, maybe i'm the one to be blamed. I ALWAYS, trust people easily.. maybe i'm stupid in this point. But at least, i never lied with you guys about anything that will hurt any of your feelings. Argh!! shit!

NOW HUSH!
dun speak another word, dun utter another lie, dun inhale another breath of betrayal.
I'm done here.
If you guys wanna say anything.. its truthful, honest explanations on why you guys did all these. I deserve an explanation even tho if it hurts, but at least, it wun hurt as much as me finding about all these lies..

well.. i can spend longer times with you guys just now and took a cab home, but.. i guess its not worth it den..

and Red, i guess you know who you are.. argh! whatever with you also la..
whatever it is, dun try to assume anything yet.. its just a MINOR crush only. oh well.. what can i say.. and i think you're happy with him soo why shld i be upset? i'll just be at the sidelines.. as always.. but i'll be cheering for you tho..

i'm done here.. feeling oohh-soo-disappointed with you guys.. read: VERY.

from now, i'm just gonna be there when i'm needed, and other den that.. i'm just gonna live this life, my own way..

p/s: deeply hurt an disappointed with you guys. I've been patient in front, but.. please don't test me..

Blog Action Day, some crap day by Blogger about environment. Ok all i can say, please, reduce, reuse and please recycle.. cos global warming made my room a huge oven. Get it?

Day had been ok. Just that, elder bro Alfie re-called his paranormal stuff he had the nite before. Of him see-ing sth beside him which "strangled" him. And the funny thing, of all prayers, he said Alhamdulillah which literally means thank god! That made me burst out luffing like a nutcase. You thank god for a paranormal maniac with long fringe strangling you? ass!

And dear mr paranormal, if you happen to read my blog, stop haunting Punggol already can? start haunting other parts of S'pore such as Woodlands? Redhill? CCK? Bkt Batok? lol!!!

I had relatives coming the whole day. haha! suhhweett.. and all those less den 5mth old babies. Haha.. salivate all over, but cute. Esp Danny and Nuh. haha.. 2 cutest babies currently, Ryan is still snobbish as olwaes.. havn seen his lil new born bro Khayyan. haiz..

And ive not met the ones i really loved to bits and pieces.. Titanicians!!!
korang ni eh..
Missing Yenny, Mas, Shilla, Wawan, Haiqal, Fathu, Alep, Fie, Daymie, Kimmie, Mazlan + whoever la.. alah.. shits.. nvm..

which include Red too. Haiyo. miss you alot alot can? but.. i shouldnt think about you.. i mean i am not supposed to.

ok la.. i'm sleeping early today. Aftr 1 year, i'm working morning shift tmrw.. soo aftr dat, i'll grab my plain tee... and and. dance practise and and.. ok dah.

Bye people..
Red, i got a feeling you know who you are.. haiz.. dere's many Ifs, but..
nvm.. u continue loving him la.. i'll be happy if you're happy. =))

hmm kays, im pretty much confused. Is it wrong to hve feelings.. read: feelings im not talking love. love is too strong a word; which i jus let go few mths ago. ok bck.. issit wrong to have feelings for someone knowing that the special person have feelings for someone else?

aiyah.. dunno la.. susah la.. ni past punye pasal still haunting. .manyak susah la.

But for wad i will do, since i noe the person have feelings for someone else.. i wun come in between, but sit bck relax and enjoy. I think its stupid to fight over one person. Yet however, in the case that special one initiates something towards me, dats a different thing altogether.

Btw, its not love yet. its more of a crush. lol! i wun disclose e person's name here tho. dun like to. like i always do. Remember princess?? lol!! ni hot eh.. dun worry shes one of my trusty frens cum darling cum dear cum everything la. Remember bb? well.. shes just someone i lost due to my own stupidity.. now what should i name u? ok.. nvm shall NICKname u over my favorite color den. Red.

Ok soo Red, if you're reading dis blog some way or another. lol! thnk kiew very much. And if you think you are Red, 2 options.
1. if you have feelings for me hint hint..
2. if you don't; jus ignore. soon i'll tke tht note and move on..

hehe ok la.. all i did few hours back frm 1am - 2.20am was re-touching up my hair. I know, it seems like a wig oready. I re-rebonded it. lol!!! ask Ziela, lol!!! super stick str8 and.. ya webcammed with Ziela.. giving her online tour of what my mom calls..
"Runway Backstage".. which she totally agrees.. haha!!

p/s: the link way to my living room is like a runway.. hohoho!!! and e new carpet along the "runway" is love. RED!

hah!! new living room carpet.. RED!! haha!!! October is my kinda month!!! lol! i see red all over.. and to Red.. i see you. and i smile just thinking bout cha. But i kinda think its wrong tho. i mean u have someone to think about.

and, i'm missing the lepak gang of hougang avenue 3. Guys, its raye already.. time for us to make up and all. We have all split in our directions in life, but 1 thing's for sure.. you guys are here in me, 24/7. I'll look forward to mit u guys n re-welcome gurl kecik to s'pore from phils k?
Bombay Sapphire ppl? Rach, pls come bck soon kaes..

I'm missing the Funnets and our ship and its crewmates. Its been 2days not miting and its hell..
sometimes, we have disagreement btwn each and evryone of us, but rest assure i noe evryone feels homely together.. JALAN RAYE AR!!

Missing PTK, which i think demolished oready with ppl like me out of school; and e rest busy with lives. nonetheless... RAYE EH JGN TAK RAYE.. niki syng u better come out with plans to raye and not jus clap2 sing2 (dikir). actually i miss adik nips too.. shes e longest one i last met.

lastly, EX BAND MEMBERS or CURRENT BAND MEMBERS.. esp class of 2003, 2004,2005(sec5)..
in which case Norizan's batch.. my batch as well as Arep's batch.. if we wanna go out raye like last time.. pls do so ok.. and Norizan, u bitch i wanna see u at the clubs soon too.. and we go together kays.. you teacher-gone-wrong. hahaha!

Ahh.. dun frgt oso, Starbucks family. Dak dak mlayu, 1 day tke of from Kopitiam we mke kopi at home and chills kaes. Dis includes Hawa B from SU oso kaes.. hehe!!!

okok.. soo many raye outings.. soo little time..
and 28 October nt wrong gt dance performance.. how eh??

ok la.. dis is boring, if noone's msg-ing me to tag along to city hall area to shop tmrw, i shall just go alone den. I wanna ask Red out but then again, its gonna be to obvious. Some of dem like Mas will be skooling and Yenny dearest is busy tour-guiding her aunt from the Ring Of Fire (Indon).
Oohh.. i dun like shoppin with my elder bro, coz i'll end up jus watching him shop.. and perhaps carry his bags. But then again bros, if you're treating me out at Billy Bombers? count me in.. hohoho!

klah.. ive blogged too much. i guess i shall go rest now, and mit my imaginary Red in dreamland.
*snuggy snuggy, missing Red*

i super jolly well hate my sixth sense when it comes to me. read: SUPER HATE.
nono, its not those sixth sense see ghost kinda stuffs. Its the sixth sense where well.. i can read people's body language some way or another. Ohh its not a good thing. It gets me paranoid and now i'm having headaches.

due to this, its the reason why i know when someone's lying and stuff. sometimes, its good not to know sia. serious. grrr~ i dunno what chakra strings bind me to the world but i just know. Or issit im thinking too much. If yes, someone please stuff a stupid bottle cork up these thots from connecting with the rest of the world.

and people, pardon me if i have rigorous mood swings coming up when i see ya'll. ohh dun take my patience for granted, coz to say things out, many a times.. i repeat.. many a times i feel like throwing my anger at almost everyone i know, BUT.. i managed to bring down the boil or perhaps control it.

jus remember this significant tell-tale sign of mine:
if i keep quiet all of a sudden, something is wrong. and approach with caution.

i can be super wild when i'm super upset. Which includes physical turnabouts of situation. and you woldnt wish to know the result of it.

lastly, i'm super paranoid now.
and i'm not aiming at anyone in this entry tho. ohh, and if you feel like its aimed at you when you're reading this, mybe you have tht 1% sixth sense thingy. hohoho!

and and.. i'm just "that guy".. soo dun expect me to be something..
or i am something.. but i dun show..

LAST THING!!
anyone free tmrw?? i need to go have retail therapy. Buy a plain red top. remind me of the word 'A' plain which means ONE. And i haven decide if its gonna be super plain, slightly printed.. v neck.. crewneck.. or perhaps tanktop; but i would skip the latter since i got tonnes of it.

anything, jus gt thru my hp or msn. i soo need retail therapy.
i see..
RED RED RED RED RED RED RED RED RED


Sometimes its funny what your own body tells you. Sometimes, it just feel soo right that it makes you feel all down. Well, for 1 thing i noe, its usually funny to sit all home alone i guess. Ya, i'm used to that.. ain't a celeb, said it once will say it twice and ya again and again.

It such a BORING day at home. Yes, at home. Parents out to visit relatives.. brothers, well i dunno where they go. All i know when i woke up.. im looking at the all-blue room and wonder why am i sitting in it alone? Message people, but most doesnt seem to reply for god damn what reasons i don't wish to know. I was super down mood. MSN, seems stupid.. now that MSN wun mean a thing anymore.. i mean after all that happend. Its mixed feelings.

Friendster? its just an online representative to potray ur existence to the world. So what am i still doing here for? Smoking like an idiot.. ya duhh~ Calling Mc Delivery and have my meal up my doorstep seemed super spoilt but i just did that. CMON, noone left food for me.

Then, i saw dis shopping bag. Hhahaha! i dunon why i korek korek.. i found sth inside it. Something i feel in love with. Something i'm soo gonna strut in. And it all goes well for me to get my red top. Crew neck or V neck i dunno. but ya, apparently, elder bro bought that super-belated b'dae present for me. haha. How cool like just dropping it in ur lil bro's room.

Ok la.. i'm bored again. Waiting for a call/sms from Mas or the pham.. well its just hoping.. its gonna be bonus if anyone message me tho.

p/s: people, stop asking if i'm in some love mood or what. cause i'm freagin single.. not attachd and basically i'm making love to myself. GOD DAMMIT!
hvn u guys forgotten i talk to myself and i manipulate imaginary characters.. ouh not forgetting, i'm sick of love stuff. It never gets thru me.. haha..

heres the pic of my new flip flops!!! courtesy of Bro Alfie



Raye wasn't bad aftrall.
Ok. lemme explain wad was my routine. Raya prayers = the usual sleep. lol!! AND THE BAD THING IS, my parents let me sleep, without having even my breakfast and when i was woken up, its time to get dressed. I FUCKING LEFT THE HOUSE WITHOUT EATING.. and ok all the while i'm thinking about the food at grandma's place; well i can say shes a good cook dat passed her culinary skills to my mom. HOWEVER, the journey to reach that place, is soo far + time consuming. call it BUKIT BATOK.

Punggol --------------------------------------------------------> Bkt Batok

geddit?

It was kinda boring the whole day. Me? smoking here and there. Where deres place to sit, i'll whip out a stick and puff away; ok at the same time ignoring those glaring eyes mama shot at me and ok... the kpo eyes the makciks gave. C'mon!!! give me a break.. its my ferst raye smoking openly. lol!!!!

Anyway, whole day spent at westside. Lastly, it was supposed to meet up with the Titanic ppl.. but from what i know off its cancelled.. or perhaps.. but i shldn't come to that point tho.
Sometimes, my brain thinks too much and my intuition is usually right, but nvm ayul..

Final word, its funny how i start to think about this person. Ok maybe it isn't strong yet.. or issit mayb cause somewhere i know you have feelings for him which kinda makes me stand my ground. Or issit because i haven really moved on from her or perhaps.. i just dun wish to be wad i was..

confusing and complicating as it is.. i myself should not question this complicated life of mine.
FOREVER it will be complicated. and till then, or perhaps till you know or dunno, i shall jus b happy enough with ur presence. =))

Hey lovelies, i'm wishing everyone here a Happy Happy very very the Happy Salam Lebaran. May Geylang flood like never before tonite. lol! I wanna go, but noone ask me out. Sad rite? lol! Niwae, morning when i got home, helped mama with the setting up of the Charcoal stove. Anything to do with fire, its always me.. lol.. but i helped with no delays/complaints. I just feel the raye. Haha.. its nice to start the fire. WOMAN can only start gas stoves. I've seen wad they did to BBQ pits. Small clumps of charcoal; with fire fit to light ciggies only. lol!

I dunno why, i'm missing that particular someone,
why eh? i also dunno, its gonna be to fast sia.. or maybe not.. hmm~
wonders, but i think.. argh nvm..

i shall just wait and see what happens next.
Now, thx to my elder bro.. taking pics of me half nude, with only super short shorts.. IYERLAH TU THX EH!!!

and he calls it blackmail pics. -_-"

k see ya ppl tmrw.. WEST SIDE BEBEH!!!
its funny that 95% of my extended family stays in the west.. lol!!!

k la.. i wanna finish it off here. tk cre..

for the Muslim Friends;
Salam lebaran saya ucapkan.. harap ampun maaf atas segala apa salah silap yang saya pernah buat. Walaupun sengaje atapun yang tidak disengajekan. And to that girl, i'm sorry over what ever happened between us. Sincerely maafkan la. Next to my dance pham, i will love u guys.. n Mas, maafkan la eh.. lol!!! ANNUAR!!!

Bottom line, Family, Friends.. enjoy this day ok.
I will enjoy it for sure..




A day supposed to mit up with the rest of the funnets as well to catch F4 esp Kimmie in action at the New Paper New Face 2007 thingy over at Taka. It was worth the wait. F4 sure is the sek and kimmie, "muke mau maintain eh".. lol!!!

We spent the night away lepaking around Orchard then having some more food in LJS. ok!!! i know i've been eating like nobody's business. Haha hu cres!!!
I love these buncha ppl!!!
All of them.. hahaha!!!

soo aftr that, abang ewan and abang didi ask whether we wanna tag along to mustafa, haha.. go lor.. haha. kecoh sia.. its like soo easy to get lost, and thxs to technology, we managed to keep in touch now and den. And the conversation in the Van, Kimmie, Abang Ewan and Didi.. lol!!! that kept me laughing. And haha.. i suffered the same effect as you too, but you dunno.. aniway you started it ferst. =))

Soo otw back to wdlands. Quite a bumpy ride dozing off and waking up almost evry minute on the shoulder of Daymie. =).. can become bantal eh

at woodlands, evryone was soo shagged.. well.. i guess la..
soo left alone for awhile.. before heading home.. haha.. last day of Ramadhan, i did fast. haha!!! yeah!!

now i'm missing them oready.. crazy lar seyy.. raye's here.. we're soo gonna go out together..
miss you ppl..

lastly, i guess i might just be moving forward. I loike the way you look at me, and i might.. jus like you.. might only.. no promises.. =))

My Immortal by Evanescence,
forever will love this song.. but i prefer the live band version. wooohoo!!!
Wednesday, one and only Kopi day for this week. Haiz.. kona miss the smell for a week i guess.

My baju raya arrived.. haiz. SOO NOT MY TYPE!!
i swear if i could turn bck time, i shld hve spend time designing it rather den telling my dad what i want. If dats not enough, THANKS EH LIL SIS!
i was expectin an orange color, ala the L'Oreal Elseve bottle. All i get is some, subtle colored orange. Tk best ar gini!!! Padding oso never put! Nvm, dad's stitching the pad's up. SHOULDER PAD! Makes you look smart when you wear it.

Tmrw will be another Anniversary for Freedom Urbanites.
That marks the number 5 on our birthday cake!
We'll move on.. get far from where we stand now, n personally.. from 5mths only, i see dat we're improving in a tremendous pace. Lepak people later!!!
Affiliates, please BOTHER to join.. hehe!

Lastly, i'm feeling soo warm now, and im heading for a cold shower. I DUN CARE!!
Ya Know, i hate cold stuffs, BUT THIS TIME ROUND.. its e sex.

OK, cant wait to mit the gang later.. and and.. i need my shower, den try fitting the baju kurung again!!! hahahahahaha!

by losers.

p/s: HATE TAGGERS HU TAG MY LOVED ONES' BLOGS, BE WARNED.
MESS WITH ONE OF US, MESS WITH ALL OF US. AND IT SEEMS DER IS A PATTERN..
word of caution, i'm smart with this thing called internet, IP addresses all the things you might not even know. hahaha! soo tke cre!

A day i spend at home, hibernating.
making up for all the energy loss i had for the past few days.
Be it shopping, lepaking, midnite dancing.. performing.. not forgetting ali pomming.

Hibernating once in awhile is heaven.
i woke up only to "break fast"
haha..

Btw, daddy knows dat im not schooling oready.. and and.. i think he haven told mummy yet, i think he's saving it for post raya period. hehe! good!
He don't seem angry la.. but i know he's kinda disappointed in me. I mean, which bummer in the fam owaes cause trouble? me.. bt i will owaes make up for it. Dun worry dad, imma continue studying even before you could say klisstarikbuttouimandobeth.

And now, i'm missing the Titanic Crew.
like dunno i frgt who say, we go comp as the cre called "Titanic".. kental ke per? lol!!
bt never know may happen.. haha!!! if it does, confirm kecoh.. lol!

Ok, serious.. i'm missing..
from..
F.U.N - Mas, Haiqal, Ziela, Wawan,Yenny, Shilla
X'sFunk - Fie & Daymie
Titanic - Alep/Fathu
F4/Lush - Mazzie & Kimmie Baby <-- ni self proclaimed

haiz.. 1 day never meet and im missing them.
on the side note..
my face is ready for raye, no more outbreak of pimples.. thnk god!!!
hair, color is touched up.. fringe done with.. i like stick str8..
Baju raya, dad collecting tmrw.. haha!!! i cant wait to see it la..

but 1 downfall.. my nose.. leaking like fucking waterfall for i dunno why!!!
everytim like dis, near raye sickness here n dere sia..
ask my mom..
i remembered..
some year..
Diarhoea.. Sore Eyes.. Fever.. High Fever.. Sore Eyes

now?!
Flu. cibai my nose hurts sia..

ok la.. gundus.. see you around.. and last thing..
I MISS DIKIR BARAT.. thats why i put up the dikir raya song.. hahaa!!!

Its freagin monday!!!
wad better to spend it with ur loved ones??!!!
work??? lol!!! im only expecting 1 shift only this week, which is on wednesday.. hhahaha!!
school? can i say TP, not opened yet.. and im not schooling yet??? lol!

So monday.. F.U.N pham mit up to lepak/shop/go crazy at the bazaar.
find baju kurung and its super funny at this particular shop, lol!!! where mazzie boy and fie wanna buy baju.. lol!!! kecoh arr.. soo i was eating my burger, u know those ramly squishy burgers? lol!!! ya, i don't have a tissue on hand, soo i just wipe it at one of the baju.. lol!!!!

A'an/Fadli: ni baju lelaki ke perempuan? (is this a guy's shirt or ladies?)
Me: ni pondan punyer la. (dis is a tranny's)

kecoh.. lol!!!
soe of them left ferst, which i consider smart la.. i mean they gt to gt a mode of transport home.
left stranded are, Me, Mas, Fathu, Alep, Haiqal, Wawan, Fie, Daymie, Khai & Ziela.
nvm, we managed to tke a bus to AMK den ride off to wdland. and speaking of Khai, his baju is soo cute la.. lol!!! size 14!!!

k nvm.. i noe.. lol!!!
and now im wondering WHERE'S MY BAJU!!
i don think dad had collect it from the tailor sia. this is super scary!!!

Fie's baju is soo my color, red.. haha!!! gd color!!!
Mazzie's baju is soo abang2.. haha!!!
Mas' baju is erm.. soo the "melayu wanita terakhir"
purely white.. i loike..

nothing much happend at wdlands except he usual pomming, and sorry guys i played like an idiot.. lol!! i was super tired ar dunno why.. Kimmie loved that game sia.. lol, Didi and Ewan came for awhile too.. hahaha!

k lah.. i gtg now, btw.. ppl.. bear with the feeling2 raye songs!!!
ITS THIS SATURDAY FUCK!

2 things only to say..

1. performance at Khatib was hilariousm plus all the drama of wawan reaching late.. suspense you know!!

2. welcomeback stick straight hair!!!

I love my F.U.N mates alot!!! and by saying this, i also mean i love the family it comes with!!! the titanic gang with peeps like Fie, Daymie n Khai.. haiyo!!! crazy.. plus the gorgeous 2 ball players, Alep and Fathu.. and also the super power dancers Mazie and Kimmie.. haha! not forgetting mummy girl Ziela. Those not mentioned, either u're in F.U.N or you know yourself you're in F.U.N somewhre!!! hahaha..

soo actually i'm blogging this aftr days not blogging but i'll jus stick to the date. Friday nite was lepak nite with the gang, haha!!! wadelse right.. learn my steps and all.. and hmm.. lepak la.. actually.. i cant say pretty much exciting things happen la.. we did lepak with a big group la..

deres like dancers frm F.U.N, duhh~, X'sFunk, F4, Lush, KarmaSutra.. and those that is freelancing.. lol!!
eat eat lepak lepak play boom boom bang as usual.. k lah!!!

i lazy blog la.. coz those hu read my blog majority are the lpak gang.. soo..
haha!! you guys know wad happened.. i lazy ar.. serious!! bye!

Save it, anyone who think i'm emo i don't care. I'm just gonna type up this shit.

Relationships. I've never been good at it. It always boils down to me being super pushed down by a fireball and next day walk around the streets like nothing happen. Its weird how i hide this feelings and emotional sadness. But i managed to despite at times, stupid tear bag jus ooze out trickles of stupid un-needed tears.

I don't get the point in see-ing how some people can move on from something used to be soo dear in a fast/short period of time. Its weird i know, seen it.. by other people.. and well experienced it. I guess people are different, each and everyone of us. I'm thought to be patient, but i guess it has its limits. I'm bad at confronting and the end result will be that i'm blamed for everything.

It pretty amused me how people assume about how i live my life, how i console myself to make myself feel better. C'mon now, think.. at least i don't go around asking for sympathy for people to console me. And more, at least i wun be a coward to not know abt that someone or perhaps pretend that someone does not exist in my life before.

Ooohh.. now i'm the bad one? well.. don't get offended. Coz all i know why must you be offended? I'm barely someone to you sia. Ohh, you said you don't know me. ohh ok. Soo dun get angry over a stranger kaes.

I'm oready tired of umbrella-ing.. i'm tired of keeping everything to my stupid self. soo heres all of it at full blast. If you can hurt me like 47times already, dis would not mean much.

Now since we're ending all this stupid shit. The comedy and dramatic life of a girl and a guy. I'll list down all the shits dat you don't know and well.. dun wish to know.. or perhaps afraid to know.

. you're 24/7 in this mind
. tht card pic of you and me is my hp wallpaper
. my desktop wallpaper is the collage of u
. i wke up thinking of wads next
. hearing ur name stirs multiple feelings; namely.. love, confusion, dislike
. i teared at times jus by thinking, but i never cried like a waterfall.
. ok perhaps dat day 3mths ago i did cry
. look forward to see u anywhere
. at the same time afraid to see you
. i never once put this much into something and you're the first
. u put me down, made me feel stupid and the only one i never b angry at
. no matter how much i know u hate me, i never hated you once
. i will b ok no matter how many times i will always be blamed to be at fault.

soo heres it all. before i close this book. I had enough of you easily taking in what others say, well mayb they are your close ones but isn't it better to ask me?

now that this book has ended. {} <-- wun mean a thing anymore in MSN, the bomoh by the name of Wak Untet is jus some lame imaginary character. Our twins are just shadows. And i'll just pretend i never once met you and i never regret closing this book in my life for all i can have the support is, you mentioned it yoursel, by you.. by your own mouth that "you dun noe anyone by the name of ayul".. "you never lied to yourself, and you never regret not loving me".. lastly "we're done now"..

the fine prints will end off as of today. Everything will end as of today. Its time for me to sit bck, think and relax. and to frgt to think anything about it.

lastly to kpo readers,
I'm not her ex.. nor she is my ex..

i'll drop it for now, beofre this tear bags start bursting. I mean then again hu cares.
i'm officially announcing, i'm not ready for any relationships for now.. i need a grip bck..

I don't undastand, why when sometimes, we take things lightly.. jokingly.. and tke things jus for the name of fun, ppl mistook it for something bad. On purpose and stuff. Its not like as if i did it on my own accord or to irritate some people. Its just for the name of fun. Ohh brother..

Like i say in my msn, I shall borrow Mas' line for now..
"yelah semue aku, yang jahat sumer aku"

translated version would be..
"ya, everything me, the one that's wrong and nasty is always me"

I guess people nowadays grow up too fast that simple jokes/pranks/games is like starting a war in a country. And to you, if you're really offended like there's no tomorrow, then.. here my apologies.
Sorry.

Its not like initially, i din ask him to stop the prank, but well.. wen we're convinced it wldnt hurt, i decided to jus let him do it. Now u know, i guess ferst thing you're blaming me. well, blame la.. like as if i'm not used to it from you.
i've had enough already.. simple things oso angry.. haiz.. susah la. like mentioned above, yang jahat sumer ayul per.. and i'll say it again, initially i decided to pull bck, but then again even if ask you to ask e rest, you wouldn't even wanna believe coz its forver me at fault in your eyes. Smile.. could you? But then again, i'm not the one who called.. so ya.. nak marah up to you la.. nak pukul, pukul ar.. remeber, i'm not someone to you anymore soo it wldn't hurt you in anyway..

Ohh btw F.U.N,
i made this super cute thingy.. chck it out!!!




Its funny how some people get irritated. Me? well, i gt pretty annoyed and irritated if someone is just soo annoying. Ok i know, well jus feel me la can?

I can't stand people who block my view while waiting for bus at bus stops. lol! C'mon la, gt seat right, and i dun wish to look at your butt nor smell the obnoxious smell that may be released into the air an moment. They din just build seats for fun.

Next i can't stand people in the scenario of a packed train; tht idiot behind wanna squeeze out at a particular stop despite you telling them you're alighting as well. Take your armpits away, and please.. shave those thick candy floss which does not tast so dandy at all away.

Lastly, i kinda gt annoyed by people who talk big, and well pretend they know everything in the world when all they knew was actually to clean the toilet bowl as big as their mouth.

Chalo! Am fuggin bored!!!

i feel deres something wrong in between the link, but.. i have yet to do something about it or perhaps, all these while.. it jus wun happen..

As usual, my posts have weird titles dat got nothing to do with the post itself.
How stupid is dat?
Nothing much happened coz i spent the whole day at home, playing barbie dolls not!
Happened to have crew meeting but i can't go coz im freaggin cashless.. like not even a cent.
not even 1 cent read that. I can'task my parent oready coz i already ask like more den $150 in a period of 1week half. Tml going wrk but my ezlink is dead. HOW!!!!

ok so i've been tagged. BY.. Haiqal L.

Layer 1: On the outside
Name: Khairul Azhar a.k.a Ayul Putra Andika
Birthdate: 1sth October 1988
Current Status: Single/Unavailable
Eye colour: Dark Brown/Black
Hair Colour: Dark Brown with Traces of Reddish brown dyed hair

Layer 2: On the inside
My heritage: Mash ups of the different Indonesian groups.
My fears: Failing something soo dear.
My weaknesses: Listen to girlfriend like dog. (i'm gonna change this i hope)
My perfect pizza: piping hot and spicy.

Layer 3: Yesterday, Today, Tomorrow
My first thought of waking up: am i still 'someone' to her?
My bedtime: Nocturnal
My most missed memories:Currently the times i had 3mths ago.

Layer 4: My pick.
Pepsi or coke: Pepsi
Macdonalds or Burger King: BK
Single or group dates: Single. More romantic, but once in awhile, group dates will b fine.
Adidas or Nike: Adidas
Vanilla or Chocolate: Chocolate. (CHOC ADDICT WAD)
Cappucino or Coffee: Cappucino

Layer 5: Do you?
Smoke: yeah
Curse: every hour at least once.
Take a shower: no. i take baths. (pamper pamper pamper..)
Have a crush: no, love.. perhaps
Go to school: no
Believe in yourself: ya. you gotta believe urself first.
Think you're a health freak: hell yeah at times. I EAT MY GREENS!

Layer 6: In the past
Drink alcohol: Still do
Gone to the mall: Shopping Boy
Dyed your hair: Now and then

Layer 7: Have you ever..?
Played a stripping game: Not to the extent of skin bare
Change who you were to fit in: Never and will not

Layer 8: Are you hoping to
Get married: Yea, with kids dat will look like models. lol!

Layer 9: In a partner
Best eye colour: Any
Best hair colour: Tak cerewet
Long or short hair: Long/Wavy

Layer 10: What were you doing?
A minute ago: Chcking out other blogs
An hour ago: Practically trying to be heard.
A Month ago: Dunno.
A Year ago: Designed my chinese+mly baju raya.

Layer 11: Finish the sentences..
I love: you. The busyuk bacin siao ting tong woman with PMS.
I hide: my sadness.
I miss:The busyuk bacin siao ting tong woman with PMS
I need: The busyuk bacin siao ting tong woman with PMS

Layer 12: Tag 5
1)You
2)You
3)You
4)You
5)Anjali

p/s: To that someone, you won't/might not read this blog of mine but i would just like to say that, "setinggi tinggi tupai melompat, akhirnya jatuh ke tanah jua". And in case you suck in Malay language it means, no matter how much you try to lie/hide/run/twist and turn, people will know of all you cunnin bad end ways. Well for a record i knew about it. I used to be neutral bout you, not taking in hat people said about you, but i found it out myself. Bozzo!

hello busyuk siao ting tong woman. aiya.. entah.. miss you la.. dah buat kueh? lol!

ANJALI ANJALI AHA AHA!
ok dats like super inside joke.
Ok here i am blogging abt my burstday! for a record my beauty sleep is disrupted by my mom!
GRRRRRRR~

Firstly i wanna thank everyone for the birthday wishes~
Be it in personally..MSN, mobile.. Blog, Friendster or even Facebook.
Thx alot ppl.. and thx alot for the day spent. I dunno, maybe its just a simple nigth lepaking, but itsalready superb enough to see the closed ones around!!!
and Mastura Annuar, YOU DON'T need to feel bad!!! haha! you around already i'm happy enough!

Buke with the 3 "sisters", or wadever they call it they boyfriends coz e rest can't join. Gt myself a mini pizza. haha! cute lar seyy! After that, meet up one by one and hand around at Titanic playing daidee with no 9 club. how dumb~ lol~

lastly, i soo really wanna go home dat nite and i missed the bus. But when i gt home, mom dun believe it. ok! hu cres, im home anyway.
Loved you guys and everyone!!!
thx alot goes to the titanic/f.u.n fam gang!

Mas, Haiqal, Fathu, Wawan, Alep, Kimmie, Fie, Daymie, Alif.
did i miss anyone out? hope i didnt.. =))

its ok you cant be dere.. but i jus feel ure dere.. somewhre.. friend.. =) lol!

TAKING A BREAK


Telephone
Lady Gaga





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i lost your links.
tag me ur links if u wanna be linked.