Malay Entry

Issues

I Need To Find Myself

I'm Being Myself

Mixed Feelings

Another Week Long Off

Wondering

Gila Ba Bangs

Sorry And Thank You(s)

Guilty

February 2006

March 2006

April 2006

May 2006

June 2006

July 2006

August 2006

September 2006

October 2006

November 2006

December 2006

January 2007

February 2007

March 2007

April 2007

May 2007

June 2007

July 2007

August 2007

September 2007

October 2007

November 2007

December 2007

January 2008

February 2008

March 2008

April 2008

May 2008

June 2008

July 2008

August 2008

September 2008

November 2008

December 2008

January 2009

February 2009

March 2009

April 2009

May 2009

June 2009

July 2009

August 2009

September 2009

October 2009

November 2009

December 2009

January 2010

February 2010

credits

original: detonatedlove♥
pictures: owner's own

im'ma stoop.
ok ya.. imma stoop like hell yeah man!

work was ohkay jus now. skool? hmm.. ok la..
still nidda finish my OOPG. ouh im typing dis entry early in mornin sia.
kinda like 2am thingy.

i made a hard decision yest about sth, but thats personal soo ya.
it hurts but it also good to mae a move at times.

niwae, im falling sick. some random illness i guess. I've been vomiting non-stop since last saturday. Its like an evryday routine. gosh! i soo nidda see a doc. Momma saes mayb its due to smoking. I dun think so, but mayb shes right la.

well.. soo aftr when i gt e time to squeeze in, perhaps i'll go hve an appointment with doc.
soo ya, here i am. lifes getting boring. Theres nuting interesting happening now. Jus perhaps me myself and the usual suspects.

No more "shes soo cute" kinda thing. no more "missing" sessions i guess. BORING SIA LIFE NOW! but wad to do. ok.. mayb i gonna die soon? entah la..

btw i have dis ranom thot during break at wrk. Its like i dunno la.. soo random. some of you might know im thinking of getting a bike ryte. But then, i dunno la.. i gt this feeling, tht i might have sme accident with a bike. I noe, normal accidents are like part n parcel, but im thinking of the death-on-the-spot accidents. i criuzly dunnoe y i think abt it. But then again, life/death are in the hands of God. soo ya..

i'm gonna be a safety rider, and have my own built-in air bag.
gotta go shower now.

cya arnd ppl.. hehe~

soo yesterday was RE:MIX 07.
haha!! great to see the dancers in full blast. i seriusly think re:mix is dope-r den the dancefloor. haha!! soo fark it wif dancefloor. haha!

soo trademark was e overall winner.. no offence to those hu love trademark.. i seriusly think Freakzy dserver it, bt nvm. Freakzy rox.. lol! ok my fham oso can dance ok!! dun mess wif F.U.N/Descarada. SOo ok, too much excitement.. + too much ciggies + too much of missing people = overdrive. Overdrive is the usual term i dscribe myself when i hae too much stored energy. ok.. soo i ton over at esplanade wif fham, and ya.. merlion session kicks in. i vomitted like hell lot. haha!! 12 rounds?? Mast is my witness. lol! sorry eh Mas! haha!

haha.. all e way wen i'm down, she came into my mind. ya, wishing shes arnd with me to mke it all better, but nvm la. wad to do. i cant b selfish. soo ya. as long she happy, ok la.
oh btw congrats to Reela frm SMC/Freakzy for winning best female dancer, she really rock my boxers. haha!!! and also Azlan frm Freakzy for best male dancer. damn!!! dey are hell good can!

okok, den today at wrk.. i dunno y i gt this urge to strangle ppl hu stare at me. i mean sialah, evryone seems to stare at me at wrk. nabey siak! n seriously, many a times i jus feel like clinching my fist and giving a few punches, coz i still hve stored energy. hhaaha!

okla! i tired la.. gt energy bt tired, and its getting to gt spininng in my head. i duwan vomit again.
c ya guy arnd ok!!!

and b, i seriously.. chronically.. chilli padi-ly miss u like crazy..
haiz..

judging by the number of pimples appearing lately and my imsoniac problem; it made me think and it boils down to the question of am i too stressed?

i dance coz i feel dat dis is less stressful, i work coz at least i dun need to think much about it.
school and being at home is very much a stressful routine. fuuh... for the fact that i hadnt been in school for 2 farking weeks. OK I NOE! dun fucking blame me oready! blame me only if you know the reason why i skip school, and dat includes my family members. Momma onli noes to scream n shout, dad? you cldnt even care la. All you care is ur work and the "its all for the family" thing. Can't you fucking understand dat sometimes u jus do thing a lil too much???

i'm not putting her as an option of stress coz i dun think its needed. Soo stop asking/tellming me mayb its linkd to her. I strtd skipping skool n before she bcme a loved one. soo yah! And dun mix dance and skool, not even work. i have specific time slots for them. Soo ya!

dunnoe anything then SHUT UP.. i'm too stressed, having phobia of school, how i wish i'm not skooling yet. read: YET!. i need a break from all paper work, den start evrything anew. I noe its my fault for skipping classes/lecs but i wld want to start evrythin anew coz i'm too lost already. I un even noe a fuckin thing.

Tell me, issit possible??
if s'pore idol contestants can delay their studies, why not mine. at least i'm having a much more valid reason, and dat is to care for MYSELF, and not for the fans of me.

aaaarrrrggghhhh!!!!

i soo need to get a life!!!
i need to refresh evrything in my life!!
i need understanding from people!!!
and dat includes evry single one..

i'm oready o the brim, soo that explains y i'm usually moody,
prick the bubble at the wrong time and dun blame me for the consequences.

goodnite people!
and goodnite love..

FUCK FACE!
ok i dunno y i jus wanna type dat out. pissed again!
damn, dis PMS thing really suck. Ouuhh guess wad, lecturers from TP are calling my house. Baik ar! ko ingat aku aper, sumer nak report.. nabei ar!

hadnt been doing much at skool. c'mon gimme a break. i feel like bursting out whenever im in school. TP = STRESS!
ok, so i'm going for the Suntec Dance Comp. weee~
had my ferst dance prac with the crew just now. Hahah! i feel silly, and i guess i kinda pulled dem down. Sorry guys for my slow-ness. I had been in the world of D.U.A/F.U.N/Descarada steps dat dis tyme round its all different. haha! ok i'm learning new things soo its ok, n i guess dey are too from me. hehe~

the steps are HOT! lol! i better be practising hard seyy!
ouh, and i gt abit off mood jus nw la. dis one personal. haiya! soo wrong timing can?

all i got to say is..
i don't think you know
how much you mean to me..

very much girl.. price-less.
but well.. wad to do, guess i'm already nothing to you.
and your quest of forgetting the memories was successful.

but, 1 thing u should noe is dat u still mean smething to me,
and dat i still remember evry single thing about wad we talkd about and did.

till den, peaceONElove.
and yet again, im sorry to you and evryone whos deemed my apologies.

ok the title is random,
just like "kental lodeh chilli handsome"

for a fact that lodeh isn't kental and clli isn't handsome.
soo i've done pretty nuting today. Chilling arnd wif Naz, Shilla and Fariz. n FUCK!
dey're in the Suntec comp too (excluding Fariz).

haha!
ok i'm soo looking forward to tml's dance prac.
soo nuting much..

shilla said i should talk to one and only,
but seriously, tell me.. how am i supposed to when i'm sucha jerk.
right girl? argh!!!

okok!
i totally dunno wad got into me.
Deres some part of me wanna make some stupid decisions which i wun allow! Some of u might noe abt my split personality. DAMN! not now sia!
I've bcming short tempered as days pass by.
I need a reservoir to channel my mixed feelings. Anybody dere kind enuff to borrow me ur ears, or perhaps shoulders too?

Infrnt of general public; which includes family. I tend to be "ok". But whenever i'm alone, all this thots come into play.

This post is gonna b about the one i really love; then, now and still.. perhaps yet..
To b honest babe, part of me is telling me to let go. let it go, even the memories. It hurts to even think tht part of me wants that. but i know deep down inside, i'm not ready to let u go. Ya, mayb i'm selfish but i'm just not ready.

Some people starts calling me emo-kid due to the things i accidentally blurt out n stuff. Emo? i'm never emo, i jus.. i jus dunnoe hw to express myself. I dunnoe if u understand me. You know hw it feels to see u online, to see ur name in my namelist and all.. but i cant send a msg or two. Its coz i'm respecting u. Many atimes in MSN, i jus feel like clicking ur nick. Talk the nite away like we used to do. But thats that. But i noe, if i'm gonna send u msg or two, its gonna b returnd with either silence, or some cold empty words. still. i surpressd those thots of being angry towards u, coz i'm the one who msgd u ferst.

Now, i know u're sick. Hope you could get well soon. Well perhaps i shall send u a msg as soon as the sun rises. Babe, u wldnt undastand how i feel now. Worried and all.. and i cld do is sit here. HOW PATHETIC CAN I BE?
time and time again i lie to myself so as to feel just ok and normal infrnt of the genaral public. If given im honest to myself, i guess i wun even step out of my room n socialise.

B, i'm seriously very sorry for what i did. or watsoever related to it.
I'm totally confused now. I dun wish to make any decisions yet. I still put my heart and soul for you. I swear to god dat u are constantly in my mind, thots & dreams.

call me a shame-less guy or whatsoever,
i'm jus potrayin true love.
if i'm joking in the very beginning, i wldnt even hve bothered to b sorry wen i left u worrying the nite i gt drunk.

love you b, i really do.
for now jus give me some time kaes.
dun wanna lose you dis way..
i'm confused. and i dun wanna make any decisions yet
hope u cld jus read my heart, mind and thots..
love you b..

cld we continue the painting?
or cld we start on a new canvas?
what ever it is, i want u to be my muse
just you and noone else..

peaceONElove.
livinginregret

yours truly,
Yuyul

Ohh, lets b a bitch for a day.
Theres numerous types of people dat i dislike in life. READ: DISLIKE.. not hate. Hatred frm me means i hate you the core n u coul jus jump down n die coz i wun be bothered even if u die infrnt of me. Yes, im heartless when i hate sumone.

1. People who thinks dey noe evrything. READ: THINKS
2. People who try to be someone else. READ: TRY TO BE
3. People who lies to their emotions. READ: LIES

c'mon gt a fcuking life can? ok dis post, i'm not hitting on to anyone. Im jus bein in a bad mood out of the blue; mayb due to the new colleagues hu are kinda slow. Yeah, petty cina girls. No, i'm not being racist, there also petty mly girls so ya! okk, den again, i dunnoe y i'm pissed, so bear with it.

about ppl who fall in category 1;
if you know evrything, den u're god, but then again.. i dun htink god is soo ugly.. soo dat explains evrything.

ppl in category 2;
u're born a fcukin loser, soo be one. dun try to be sumone else. or perhaps sum1 dats not a loser.

ppl in number 3;
fuckingly, if u hate someone, jus say.. if u love someone, den do love.

ok sometimes i admit i fall in category 3, but at least i noe when to stop and stuff. I wun b a loser to go one being suck up by ur emotions. C'mon i cldnt b bothered more. Deres a time limit of i think 2 wks, den my body will jus reacts n my brain cells will say dat i'm stupid to whine abt u, or perhaps other stuffs. Aftr tht, i'll continue life as per normal.

Ur emotions differ from mine.
dun try to suck it up to me wif it. Time will make me have this shield which blocks it away. And the time has come.

ok fuck! scrap off evrything dat u ppl read. i dunno wad im typing also. And i repeat, none of this is shooting at anyone. Soo if u feel the heat, means u did sth out of these 3 to me before, past life or perhaps u feeling2 sorang2 fly kite tepi longkang.

ok now is real post.
woo!! having a dance performance for NDP on 5 Aug
haha!! btw the breakers are frm Luminiq, not Civic Dome Squardz. me lack info. haha!

and also. 25th Aug;
i've been invited to collab with a crew for a comp. Most prob i'll go for it.
ouh, i wun type dis out here coz i sense kpo ppl will kpo abt my life like dey already did.

I HATE KPO PEOPLE!
screw urself, eat chicken bone and die ok!

ITS SATURDAY!!!
soo?
ya.. woke up in a funny state of emotional distress due to smethings dat happen wen i woke up. The house is noisy, due to evryone evrywhre.. dammit! i'm wishing for a bigger house.. Can I have a villa for myself?? please ar please ar!!!

ok.. so pretty nuting much in the earlier part of the day..
6PM, Freedom UrbaNites ft. Descarada Meeting
supposedly at Starbucks.. end up Mc D.
hahaha!! soo me n Nurul gt ourselves Double-Cheese, whilst the rest hve ermz i forgot! lol!
soo basically its about F.U.N, Descarada chill2 oni.. haha!!! oni 2 of us sia.. Cloey having a bad day. She fell sick. Hope ya ok k girl!!!
get well soon, we need ya.. haha!

soo frm wad i know, we have an NDP performance coming up.
dis is cool. and when i think again, by this time, i would hve my skool stuff sorted out.
soo its a collaboration of not just 2 crews, but 3.. hahaha!!!
*hears people screaming maut arrr!!!*

soo ya. 3 crews,
namely if i'm not wrong,
the breakers from Civic Dome Squardz,
the ever sexayy dancers from Freedom UrbaNites &
the forever cheeky dancers from Descarada.

wooo~
can't wait for the pracs.. but if i not wrong, fo nw oni 3 Dessans joinin.
Me, Fariz and Cloey.. hurhurhur!!!

k nuting much!!!
i wanna go do sme wrk on the music industry. PEACE OUT



i still care/love for one and only..
ppl out dere dun try to steer me off my one and only..
coz wen i say i do feel her, i really do..
and Neeya, you gotta feel me too dis time round.. coz wen you do,
you'll get the entire picture..

ILY, and missing you super-badly..

T.G.I.F???
well.. kinda if u were at ur fren's place, wif her boyfie and elder sis wif fren n it feels like its some teenage house. Wooo~ ok, the feeling of hving an entire house wif ur frens without ur parents feel kinda kool actualyy. OK, i noe i'm crapping. Well.. boring den dun read lar seyy.. my blog ryte??

Oh, the day before.. watchd movie with Fizah, Yan, Mas, Zila (met her aftr movie) and frens.. hurhurhur!!!
i've yet to pay dat $8 fizah.. haha!! lol! and soo.. ITS,
HARRY POTTER AND THE ORDER OF PHOENIX
ok lameo!!!

haha.. nice battle scenes.. i loike.. but the ending abit sucky.. wad to do, chnge of director.. BLUEK!!!

soo.. movie was great.. but the aftermath of it sucks.. 11.30pm.. and i gt no bus running towards Punggol.. well thx ar seyy!! i din noe e movie will end dat l8 sia. and i'm broke soo cant tke cab. wanna lepak/ton but wif hu sia?? end up, slpover at fizah's place!!!

great-O!!!

soo supposedly its CMATHS.. screw it.. lol!
we woke up l8, and i think Nizam; Fizah's younger bro tried to play a prank on me by putting an alarm clock next to me ear.. but haha!!! i din wake me up!! nabey sia!! lol!!!

soo had our breakfast.. den i go napping her, dere and everywhere..
took bus to tamp, den me head home while e rest head skool to lepak. Me??? i need to gt to work man!!! lol!!

soo ya, reachd hme.. pack my stuff, and head dwn to city hall area to make kopi..
pretty nuting much jus dat, 1 closer again. Rishie baby is down wif fever.. soo i gt to do the clg alone alongside the Boss.. haha!! oso ok la.. i'm usually the closer, soo ya.. its ok la..

nuting much happened sia..
oohh.. and today Boss is kinda nice. provide me wif ciggs.. wooohooo~~~
ok i sound soo gay! lol!!

soo tml's anthr day. its saturday!!!
sme meeting at SB-MARINA SQUARE.. woo class seyyy!!!
no.. not company meeting..
its dance crew/fam meeting.. hahah!!! how cool..
ok i noe sme things are serious, but we noe dat its all ends wif evryone happy lepaking!!

ooohh.. descarada might be coming too.. -_-"
haha.. duhh.. me, Fariz.. n perhaps Cloey.. trianny's bz.. damn damn!!!


wooo!!!

an yesh.. to YOU,
can i say i missing u day by day.. its like ur dere.. and im here.. but im ok.. lol!! distance dun matter.. haha..
missing u like crazy.. haha!!!

woooo!!! perhaps 1 day we mit up aite?
love ya..

PEACE ONE LOVE

woo~
from my innocent ears, i gt to know dose recent event spread fast. wee!! i feel like a celebrity man. thanks.. haha!!! oohh.. skip dat topic, soo boring. Lets see.. what did i do today..

woke up kinda late.. NOT! i woke up early, bt the rain is just too much. Thus, fuck CLASS.. haha! soo i noe i'm a bad boy, well.. oni for today i guess. sleepy la. Den arnd 4pm+, made my way to Tamp Central to meet my Honeyz.. haha! Love ya ppl, Niki, Fiza & boyfie Yan. hoho!!! soo we did a lil starbucking, Caramel Java Chip Frappuccino before smoking and walking around Tamp cntrl area. Get myself a haircut.. and it looks like a cross btwn a mat's hairstyle and an innocent boy's cut. But to think again, ya.. i'm kinda in between. Good Boy Gone Bad wad.. lol!

soo den ran arnd in search of Hoop Earings for Niki. She wanted the goldy bronze ones.. Cant find.. soo she opt for the silver one, BUT.. sadly.. the hook is the type she dun like. DAMN!! and we ran into Mischa!!! play arnd wif the powders den ran out to search for my HP housing. haha!! eh Farzi, i found the same one as urs, and i soo love the metallic blue one, BUT.. fark the losers hu sells this stuff.

1st shop, going at $10.00
2nd shop, going at $8.00
3rd shop. going at $12.90

sialah!! sotong berlobang betul!!!
rip-off... total rip-off!! duhh.. i din buy la!!

coz Fariz gt his for oni $4.00 at a pasar malam.
and according to Niki, Jaja or issit Lela gt her's at $2.00

omg!!! anyone noes any Pasar Malam dats going on ryte now???
msg me!!!

hop around tamp, and when the sky turns dark, i decide to head home. DAMN!!

oh, ya.. ppl did reply to my tags.. haha!! soo expected. C'mon, dun wan to get hurt.. so dun kpo or read my blog since u guys dun wish to b bothered ryte? reading will jus hurt u guys mahx? soo dun read if dun wish to b hurt... hehe!

p/s: i did dis stupid dancing animation uing some online thingy.. supposedly, its dancing to the LipGloss routine by Lil'Mama.. hmm.. ponders..





Oh.. and i still love you no matter what..
PEACEoneLOVE

OOOhhh!!! thanks for the comments Ryli & Ayis.
haha!! goody2 dat i mention u guys names..haha! i ain't angry sia now.. lol.. in fact i'm soo smiling ear to ear from the tags both of you put up with. Soo, being a reputable blogger, i shall answer to all ur queries.. or in layman term, questions.

oh don't worry, i'll quote each and evry single phrase. And Ayis, now dis is personal attack.. dis time, i'll kick ur soo called "good" English ass. Oops! u don't hve proper diction to start off with, and btw, dun drag it.. u start the personal attack ferst aite.

I'll answer Ryli's queries ferst.

"thanki ayul!! we knw that we nid love n we do haf e love among us sho dunch worri!! u may norte fun ur love in DUA but now that u fynd it in FUN im glad as well sho stick on 2 dem!! n yesh we knw that"

:: and is this suppose to be sarcasm??? try harder..

"we work hard 4 it 2 prove others sho yeaps?? its norte basically about love in everythingy u do yeaps?? "

:: love links evrything larh ok. and ya, we work hard??? u sure.. no offence to but i see the others are.. and mayb ok u do. but then again, wad makes u think other crews din work hard??

now Ayis..

"Woah Ayul! Good! Ferst it was Dinosaur den it was something about lurve or bond? cant eu see? we bond together and not talk abt each other! like eur FAM! DURH! dats its not lurve!"

:: hahah!! mind u, im not the one hu said ure a dinosaur. but then again, even if i did? or even if i gt tht remark, I WUN CRY LIKE SOMEONE DID.. sialah!! Dinosaur onli sia.. imagine if someone call u wrse think ok. Jgn nak feeling2.. maybe we're referrin to someone else? u sure u guys dun tok abt each other?? hw fascinating. n nowi gt back my memories. U guys called me monkey or wadsoever ryte? but did i cry or go arnd telling evryone in school making a big fuss?? no time for dat lar.. and about my FAM, we jus having joy and fun for ourselves, we dun need u to share it.. u can do the same if u want to oso..

"One more thing! this is a fact! after eu r out! it was easy fer us to do some other things! and our dance look more nicer without eu! haha! atleast we dun seek attention! like eu!"

:: duhh!! of coz its easier coz noone to give feedbacks. soo you guys can just use wad you think is nice. Ohh it looks nicer ehx?? woahh.. ok impressed. and about seeking attention, look at all the past vids wif me in it.. i dun seek attention. hahaha! and i'm not those ppl hu thinks super higly of the crew. over confidence is u guys, recap bebehs.. top 3 in dance'out at SunPlaza? haha..

"even people in fun tok abt eu being so IRRITATING!"

:: so wads the point of tagging dis? haha.. dey dun like their problem la and 1 more thing, ur comment wun hurt e bond btwn me n my fam. haha!! if dey dun lik dey can tell oso.. and wad makes u soo sure? u're not even liked 1 bit.

"just dun let me see eu outside cuz no one will help eu!"

:: haha!! ok, we'll see.. and i dun give a fuck about u la. u may be big, am i scared?? wooo~ eh tak gentar satu babat pon ar. Eh! i dun have FATS!! soo ya! in fact try la.. wanna beat me up?? you can hit GIRLS, but i dun.. but try hitting me and you'll regret u even start it.

last but not least, i'll only keep those tags of urs. further tags will b deleted, coz i dun wish to give u guys more fame. haha! bullshit la!

kaes ppl.... REMIND ME IM A SKOOL BOY!
it hits me on the nerve, wen i finally realise dat im still a skool boy. i cant keep running away frm skool.. i cant. Im not a spoilt brat to hve a pirvate home skool or anything. I jus a plain average joe. why sia??? why am i running away? i love my passion, i love wrk.. but y cant i fucking love java? y cant i fuckinly love maths??? damn.. dis subjects dun give me love man.. i cant fall in love wif these kinda subjects.. its like loving an animal ok.. i love cats.. its like loving a pile of shit!!

secondly, REMIND ME IM NOT ATTACHED
remind me dat.. dating isnt attachd.. loving isnt attached remind me dat i still love her tho at times i dun wish to noe. BUT, dis BUT means to all u kpo lover destroyers!! dun try to fake it, spoil here and dere, coz if i gt to noe sumwhre, u noe u wun hve a face e next second.. trust me, s'pore is small.. i'll find u in evry nook and corner of this pathetic island to mke ur last minutes of life a pathetic one.

thirdly, REMIND ME DAT I STILL LOVE HER
remind me only.. but stop talling me to give up.. or telling me.. to find other ppl. found her.. soo what? expect me flirt around? go drink sugar syrup and diela. And to Neeya.. i'm still bearing wif u coz i love u wif all my heart. not to mention tht my heart is still wif u coz u stole it near 1 mth ago???

fourthly, REMIND ME TO START DANCING ON A SERIOUS LEVEL
ok.. i noe hung my dance shoes at the moment.. but i'll b back, aftr my studies are fine.. i'll b bck, better.. n prepared to take on challenges.. i love Descarada and Freedom Urbanites. not being a bitch or wad, but Dome Urban Aura, u guys need to find the love within. Its not just about a crew, its about a close knit family dat matters. Winning isnt evrything, its the bond dat matters most.

LASTLY.
remind me to have a new blogskin once im having my skool term break.. hehehe!!!


p/s: can i steal my elder bro's new camera? or perhaps borrow it??
pls ar bro ezad.. u soo handsome u noe *vomits*..

p/s/s: can i love u more even we're hving this silent thing btwn us? i say dis coz i still love you no matter what.. mayb till the day u said i'm a fucking cheap koboi..

PEACE ONE LOVE

Yesterday was hving sme dance comp at ulu pandan CC. wee~ ok soo my fam F.U.N din win. okla.. soo the top 2 was D.U.A n De Mak Ayam Xplosion (D'Max) haha.. anyway kinda pathetic to hveonly 4 crews la to compete.. damn.. Descarada, biler ni mau joget???

ok soo i noe, pass few days.. leading my life as per normal.. well not really. Skippping skool's like a norm nowadays. Im afraid of skool get it??? if possible.. i feel like re-taking this whole fucking semester. Undo the wrongs dat i did. I NEED MY LIFE/BREAK in school.. haiyo..

so dat sunday,
saturday was Firewrking at Esplanade/Marina. hhahaha!!! ok we slacked and eat. and i kinda eat alot. Den hve minor headache, shit n i felt like vomitting. Soo the mood spoilerlah the tekak. Went esplanade to lepak. as usual.. den met up wif the Sphyntrix/D'Max ppl. okk, i never knew i'll even like lepak wif other crew dancers, coz on the basis tht im a quiet person wen im wif knew ppl. Soo ya, deres like Zaffy? Daymie??? Shahril?? yaya!

soo as nite went by, lepak wif choco, fariz & daymie at Istana Park. den soon went home.. tired ar.. summore gt comp on sunday kan..

and to Daymie;
aper kewat kewat?? lol!! wrong person larh u!! chibeh.. other way round eh? haha!
ni jantan tulen, exclusive punye.. selurus lurusnya..
act jer mcm cibai at times.. huahuahua!


and to LOVE
do ya noe dat i miss u more as each day pass??? not being able to ms u(well i restrct myself damn bad).. its like soo hard. I gt to bear wif it.. please love, i still love you k. and ya, jus tell me wen u're ready to do things the proper way.

muchLove;
yuyul dearest..

p/s: awak bozzo lah love!

well, i can say.. u really diss me now..
well can't do much on my side now..
hurt.. well.. i guess i gotta bear with it for the moment..

wad more can i say right? when i'm down here, day and nite, missing you, and you ovah dere, trying ur best to make me hate you. Is dat wad you really want?
You wanna sacrifice evrything jus for this? Tears? Crying? no i'm not.. its not worth it anymore.
{i love you md herwandy}..
you sure? if you really are.. den i got nuting to say..
and if you think i'm jealous, of coz i am.. coz im down here..missing you like a retard from MINDS or even the Institute of Mental Health.

till when are you gonna try to hurt me? i wun be..
till when are you gonna lie to youself??

ok mayb i perasan, maybe its true..
but if its really true, den i'm afraid i gotta move on, without you..
for the fact that if i move on, i'll never 'U' turn. as in my life, i dun believe in 'U' turns.. i believe in taking the path once. If the path is blocked, find a way to detour and never 'U' turn as you'll jus end up at the root of the situation.

bb, i still love you lorry-loads..
and i'm sorry for everything.. everything..
and i still hope for the day, to sit by the water breakers, watching the sun sets to the open sea.
I miss the day, we meet each other by the longkang in our dreams..
i miss how wak untet disturbs us..
i miss talking to ur twin..
i miss evrything bout u..

listen to the heart.. please..

jike benar apa yang kamu katakan sekarang
aku tiada lagi pilihan
jika itu lah yang akan membuat mu bahagia
aku turut bersama

cinta itu hanya sesuatu perkataan
makna yang diukir di hati
memain peranan yang lebih penting
apa lagi kalau hati sudah menukar arah

ku duduk di sini
di alam fantasi
menginginkan kamu disisi
hanya di pulangkan,
rindu demi hari..




bb, i really miss you..

if you could only see
your heart belongs to me..
i love u soo much
i'm hurting for your touch..

come and set me free..
forever yours i'll be..
baby won't you come and take this pain away?


with much Love & Regret
YuyuL

yessa! i managed to well.. be myself for today. I manage to smell sweet smelling air. N i managed to survive being outside without being sad. -_-"

dad went to school.. omg! i dunno for wad, but thnk god, wen he called me im oready Starbuck-ing at TM. fuuuhhh!!! soo far, he hadnt say anything, soo i guess cant be bd things. If not, i wun be even typing entries aite.

Niwae, kaes.. cant stop my urge to type dis down.
wads wrong with you? like serious?
you wanna hate me? forget me? go on..
i cant control u, but respect me as well. in other wrds,
if i wanna remember the moments, if i wanna still love u, let me do so.
Stop trying to mke me walk the same path as you.
I dun wanna forget u. y should i?

love me or hate. i seriouslycant b bothered oready. YES! i'm pretty much sad.
pretty much worried. But u tell me. does it mean u hve the power to cntrl me? c'mon la. ur feelings towards me might hve changed, but not mine. If i love someone, i love one only. N usually, i dun forget tht dat fast and easily.

if u wan me to shut up, why not slap me???!
for the fact that i forced myself to not even msg u. U noe dat takes alot of courage and energy. Do u even noe? do u even noe dat u're 24/7 in my mind. i bet u didn't yet, i wun blame u, coz i wun contrl ur life n dun wish to.

blame me all you want, i'll take it..
i wun whine around, complain here n dere..
all i'll say is..
"i'm pretty much ok".
wanna know hw i'm feeling inside?
ask urself.. ask the part in ur heart whre i use to reside, den perhaps u will noe hw im feeling dis few daes.

ya, i noe.. ayul jus shut up.
why? u dun wanna hear me saying dis?
i'm saying it coz i wanna make it clear to you dat u left ur footprints bhind.
physically, u left me, diss me.. being sarcasm to me..
mentally, u're still wondering in my mind.

God, u noe wad..
no.. i hate myself for loving u..
ii hate myself to love u in the ferst place.
no i'm not blaming u, never did i once did..
i hate myself to love people.. coz 1 thing.. i dun usually love ppl..

well.. guess i'm fated to b like dat..
n i thot ure the one to fill this empty void in my heart..
and i still wish you would..
coz i still love u deeply, dearly and wholeheartedly...

hear the heart scream b, dun lie to urself.. or mayb jus pretend u did..

much love
yuyuL

Tho of recent events in my life, i'll be staying strong. Ya, minus e fact tht i'll crumble and fall for hours or two, but i know i'll jump bck up to my feet as soon as the sunshine feels the room. All i need is a day.

Sorry, for those hu msgd me, kolled me or anything finding me earlier on today, Wednesday (11.7.07). I jus need to be alone and silent for awhile. But, i'll be in school tmrw.. no worries. hehe. I screwed my life, and mom gts to noe dat i'm nt doing to well in school oready. I'm pretty much damn screwed up. Projects been piling.. i screwed myself up for being too laid back. Hing the "ok" "anything" attitude really do sucks.. n now im left if myself to blame and suffer.

Soo pretty nuting much else to think about.
schooling tml, with nuting much to produce during consultation. i soo need to buck up..
and im effing stressed.. so anyone wanna treat me to an all-you-can-eat buffet?? anyone???

and to you
maybe its jus anger tht brought us to dis..
mayb its stressed of personal life dat mkes us like dis..
u wanna forgt, but i dont want to..
and as much as at times i tried to hate u, i jus cant
and i'm unsure aboout u..

but maybe
we'll just lie to ourselves and pretend we didn't..

muchLove;
yuyul

i'm beginning to think about wad fiza said jus now.. k maybe shes joking but mayb shes right. Just maybe, "she" don't love me anymore like what she said. I'm not betraying ur trust babe, but looking at the situation now. I'm always treated wif silence. Not even a word or two. total silent. its quieter den the graveyards. Do i deserve all this? i seriously wonder.. i'm starting to have this doubt tht you don't wish to be close with me like u once said. why?

i can give u a cold shoulder to if i want to, but i don't. I don't treat my loved ones wif anxiety. i don't wish to hurt them. Keeping silent is the last thing on my mind. I tried to be silent, but how could i went u're forever in my head, and me constantly missing u. I don't know if you even hve a percentage of missing me. Yes, this entry is str8 forward coz i'm very much confused. Am i still showering for someone hu enjoy this bath or to someone hu, well.. dun want it.

this is hard for me. I trust, and i still do.. but i need response babe. I'm soo lost.
i know deep down, i still love you.. i really do, but how bout u? its more than just words. words are plain words..

just perhaps maybe u found someone else pretty much better den me. well.. if dats e case, do tell me.. i rather be hurt in a second, den being dragged days on and on with the lies im confusing myself with. I told this to all those dat i loved before thus u're no exception. if you really love me, give me a response.. really please.. if you don't den jus say.. no need the quiet game.

i'll be more den happy if u still love me like wad u said, but i'll b glad if u have doubts about this. with this i end dis entry.

otak ku buntu,
cinta ku di selimuti dengan kabus yang tebal..
wajah mu maseh di fikiran..
tapi suara mu tidak di kedengaran..
otak ku buntu..

otak ku buntu,
kata kata mu maseh terngiang..
cinta ku tetap menyinar..
cinta mu ku tak tahu..
otak ku buntu..

otak ku buntu,
tunjuk la satu penunjuk..
jika cinta mu tulus..
kerana ku tetap mencintai mu..
otak ku buntu..

jika benar apa yang pernah kamu lafazkan..
jika benar apa yang perah kamu maksudkan..
ku akan tetap mencintai mu, menunggukan mu..
sebagaimana ku mencintaimu skrg..

p/s: baby, i really am wondering.. why all these silence.. MSN has bcme boring, i cant wke up early.. my msgs, are plain.. i'm missing you more den ever, and i wish u could see it..

DREAM
I had a dream; earlier on this morning. A dream to show me the way. I know, dreams are play-stuff when u sleep. bt i believe evrything happen for a reason, thus i believe dat dreams are somesort our inner thots n gives us the decisions to make when in wake we can't decide.

The dream happened when i skipped skool dis morning, i was having the fear of school. I'm very afraid as im failing most subjcts and the fear of not leaving TP without a Diploma. Heres how it goes. And to those affected its just a dream, those who reads this blog and wanna spread around, please, do.. coz if u do so, u jus made me a big time celebrity.. *winks* I'm gonna type in real names, real situation.. don't like i then buzz off..

Scenario : Temasek Poly (i'm beginning to woner about my dream machine)
People Involved: Fhunki Stylerz, KarmaSutra & Dome Urban Aura (this i really wonder)
Duration: not too long not too short
Feeling: Emotional

Dream goes like:
I was 'supposedly' having a dance practice with Dome Urban Aura (wei, i quit liao la hor) in the vicinity of my skool. Halfway during prac, we hav a break thus i walk around aimlessly, perhaps looking for a drink or two when i realise dat not far away, Fhunkie Stylerz and KarmaSutra was practising dere too (part ni i seriusly tak paham). Soo i walkd silently away from dere, for fear to be found out by Ayeen (y? why the fear sia dream machine?).

Soo, ,was practicing summore till it was end of the day. So i was walking home wif i think Hakim or Cheryl when i heard someone shouting my name; "Ayul!". This time i was at the gate, East gate to be exact, i remember the street soccer courts.

The moment i turned around; "PIAAAKKK!!!"; yes i was slapped in the face. Very tightly till i can feeli it.. it was soo real.. i realised i was slapped by Ayeen. But then again, her facial expression.. she's crying. i think i told her something like "don't cry, don't cry" as i brought her bhind a tree; well i guess its personal thus dun wanna drag the D.U.A ppl ryte? soo dere, i cried too. I remember thse words of my dream. "If you cry, i cry.. b stop please". And i think Ayeen was saying "y you keep quiet all this long?? why???" as she tugg on the sleeve of my shirt.

And soo i hugged her.. both tearing, and ok dis part i can't type out here.. wanna noe the ending ask me personally, and that if i wanna tell u guys dat is. wadever it is the outcome was rather emotional.

then the dream fade as i woke up to reality world.. it was a dream, a dream tht made me think..
i let u guys b the judge, i cant see if im doing the right move n making the right decisions now, but i know deep down inside i still love her to bits and pieces.



REALITY
Reality check.. i woke up.. i jus realised that datelines for projects are very near. too near that i gt no time to even generate ideas. I skipped skool again. Dad called and i said its some lame consulation in school and attendance not compulsory.

I can't seem to put my thots together. I'm too stressed. SOo i took my time, get ready and went to work. I work for a reason, money and some sort of escape to talk with my close colleagues and do sth else besides things dat are stressful; mainly SCHOOL.

during my 30mins break, had a chat wif Ina. The manager who will talk wif u, give you guidance and i think, the one that will cry with you. Soo we sat, and talk over sticks of ciggs. I told her about the dream, she told me its jus a dream. Ok her opinion. Thus we talk about school. She said i serously need to buck up. Drop dance, drop love.. thse all i am willing to do. Just forthses few moments of school life. I agreed wif her. Still i'm shaky inside.. i still have the apssion to dance but my priority now is school. Love? yes.. i admit, i still have feelings for Ayeen, but again.. now its educati0n time. Moreover, things are difficult now.

soo we chit chat.. talk and talk.. i put myself in the silent state. I jus wanna be nagged. I jus wanna be told off. I wanna be me for awhile. If God could listen, i'm pleading for some light. I'm totally squeezed out. I lost my glow again, music wun mke me dance at the moment.

I was still not comforted, it was till Ina said goodbye before parting her way, and i thot she was giving me a hug, but i was given a kiss on the forehead, i haven told u dis Ina, but that kiss made me think. things are runnin alot in my head. For the fact that I, inside i know i can do well in my studies.. and like i told u, i need t olet go of this "sembarang" attitude. Thanks Ina.

REALITY CHECK..
2.47am.. i jus did a research on what i'm gonna do for my flash website. I think i'm going basic. Dateline's dis Friday. Ouh, and i still need to squeeze time to perhaps do my video website for my Digital Media subject. Not forgetting.. i MUST, print out my notes by this week. Preferably by tml. I need to wake up now or never. move my ass. and be what i'm supposed to be. I worked my ass up to be in Temasek Poly, failing my Os in 2004 made me study harder.. now i guess is the time again. I need to be studious.

REALITY CHECK..
Its 12hours since i last msg Ayeen. Its hard, but i gt to prioritize studies at the moment. Well, i know typing this entry.. shes always in my mind. well. let it be that way at the moment. And if you're reading this, i hope u noe the situation i'm in now, n u noe tho of recent situations.. deep inside, i still love you.. and i hope u still do too..

THINGS TO DO LATER:
1. Wake up at 8am
2. School by 10am
3. Collect repaired phone at 11am sharp (i need to cut the queue)
4. Back in school by 12pm
5. Print Out notes
6. Sketch out INMM interfaces (rough sketches)
7. Email lecturers of the reasons being absent (i got to be honest)
8. Email AO/CP about help needed
9. Cry/Scream if needed
10. Last but not least, having the mindset tht u are bhind me giving support all the way.

PEACE.ONE.LOVE

fuck it!!! fuck everything!!! i'm fucking stressed wif skool!!! i lost the mood to study!!! fuck TP!!! FUCK IT!!! all the projects to submit in dis week.. and im clueless about it.. very!!! FUCK LA!!! i hate this situation when im stuck in alot of dilemma..
Jus wanna run across a heavy traffic and let dem knock me down!!! I cant wake up oready.. reality chck dat ive woken up; abit too late!

screwed my Comm Skills!
screwed my Database Subject
screwed my 3D animation Subject
screwing up my DMPF
screwing up my OOPG again
screwing up my CMATHS again!!
ohh n i'm very sure im screwing up INMM soon!!

god!!! help me..
and babe, this is the time when i need you the most.. give me the courage, i dun wanna think about us now.. serious!!! effing stressed!! farkd up life!!!

hey yoz.. yes, e reason im always updating nowadays, as dese few days of my life had been filled wif ups and downs.. soo to start it off, i jus gt home from Shillae's Bdae Chalet. was kinda cool.. soo before dat i went to Baby Furbee (Nazmi) dance comp at mua school. haha.. wif my fam Freedom Urbanites (F.U.N), nahx.. i'm not a dancer from F.U.N; jus my fam.. lol! my new crew consists of Me, Fariz, Trianny & Cloey.. haha.. n fariz thx ar.. we may call ourself FLUSH or S.F.B = Styles From Below.. haha!! ut i prefer Blush! lol!!! like dat lingerie shop!!!

okok serious stuff..
i was lying down atarnd 1am plus at the playgrnd in the chalet vicinity, looking up into the dark night sky wif only 1 shining star. well.. how i wish the star dat is gazing at me is Einstarr. ya.. i noe, sme of u might b sick of it oready. "tk abes abes ain" n the list goes on.. but seriously i dun care. I'm missing her like ive never missed anyone before. But due to recent circumstances; i hereby swear and declare dat i'm gonna save our frensip now den to think abot our love life. without frenship, we can even forget about love, wad more seeing each other. haiz.. nono.. i'm not sad, im jus eternally confused of wad to do next.. im damn clueless.. a lil retardatious and hopeless; but its ok.. whenever i feel sad, i still gt the msgs to reminisce the moments...

ok blearghx!!! wadever.. saya tetap sayang awak ok bachin..
soo ermz..

DANCE COMP AT SUNPLAZA!!!!
which is like in 12hours time.. but before dat, i need to go to wrk.. OPENING SHIFT aftr 7mths of not doing sooo!!! wooo!!! gilerans betul!!! den frm wrk, off to shake my booty..

*i'm now thinking, feeling more den jus afraid to see her face.. call me a coward or anyting, but somehow, i'm starting to feel awkward.*

still, the feelings e same.. never had e feeling died..






Dis post is dedicated to vent my feelings to the blog about the state i am in now.
Those hu wans to diss dis post, discrimate it in any way, hate me or hate her.. can jolly well dun read. I am no professional blogger and if u cant take emo shits stuff, or lovey dovey words, den gt ur fingers moving and click away from dis blog of mine. I repeat.. MINE.

I will start of with,
you know i love you, no question about it. I haven been pouring dis much love since years ago. Wen was e last time i cried for a loved one? 2 years bck. Now, i'm crying silently fer you, its not about u, its about me. Its about how helpless and hopeless i am, being unable to help u.. bein unable to let u pour it out to me. Its e one sweet love b. I dun wan to see u cry, not even a drop of tear, i wldnt wanna see u stay up all nite. N lastly, i dun wan to b 1 of ur prob. I'm suppose to be ur angel, ur shoulder to cry on. We get thru dis together kaes? I'm leaving u space for now to sort out ur stuff, i'm restricting my msgs to u coz i noe it might mke u sad.. but one thing u shld noe dat, even without me sms-ing u, msn-ing u dat much.. u noe i still love you right? you trust me & i trust u.

i jus wan u too be happy, u once told me dat "as long as the person can make me happy, i'll treasure the person", you know i treasure u alot.. u said i'm special to me, wad mkes u think u r not special to me? i woke up evry day thinking about u, evry moment u r in my mind.

bb, if its not for u, i wldnt wish to wake up early in the morning, u made me have e reason to wke up feeling fresh n happy. U r the light to my darkness, u noe how much i miss u. i noe u do. once we get all this sorting things over, we'll b just fine kaes? i promise u in the name of god (Allah), dat in any case u need me, i'll be rght there for u.. i will.. even if it takes me to risk my life, i love u, i love god, i love ur family and ur frens.. in other words, i love evrything dats special to u.. trust me..



this is me, missing my one and only baby..

Hey hey, i'm glad to say dat D.U.A won 3rd in th dance comp.. thx to all dat compete together wif me.. supporters hu scream like mad dogs - refering to wuwul.. haha!!! best best!! wad more to feel the energy surging thru each and evry one of us till the battle ends.. It was a moment of joy. i was shocked and glad dat we're in the top 4, i din expect it.. it was total shock!!! to be in par wif SMC n the other 2.. its agreat achievement d.u.a.. but as i mention in the d.u.a profile, i'm sorry tht i need to leave eu guys, my own dcision and also to manage my other things. I'm failing my subs alot.. n my projects are due all arnd the corner.. i have a very tight schedule.. sorry.. i'll be sitting on the sidelines cheering eu guys k..

On a second note, i'm a bit on the emo side now, as i cant read wad's on bb's mind. Like i told sme of u ppl before, i can read ppl's body language, but wen it cmes to the person i love dearly, i jus can't read it. e stars are drifting bb, one love is all we need...

wif dat, i end dis post.. pics will be up wen i feel like it.. =((

Shit, shit, cibai knn pundek ok!!! wadevr.. haha.. since yesterday i've been spewing this words. I jus can't help myself, my body has its own mind, so erm in other wrds, for my case, the body control the mind... eh tak ehx? tak boleh? ar ok.. From stupid chibainess uncles, to smelly foreigners in bus, tell u la.. HE smell like rotten eggs plus stokin tak cuci seribu hari and ermz.. all those musky husky sweat smell.. urgh!!!

ok lemme guess.. n think of what i did today, hmm... dance prac in wee wee morning.. 10am mit up liao!!! chibei.. haha.. ok im not l8 soo thts at least sth.. so prac's to be at RP, but as usual.. almost all l8, gedengdengs betul..

OK D.U.A IS DONE WOF THE STEPS, so we're brushing up jer.. tk bnyk.. k n i noe i can hardly concentrate for the fact that my mind is elsewhre. So nonetheless, i had oni 20mins of prac time as i need to rush off to Ngee Ann Poly.. here's whre lotsa drama happens..

I reached Clementi MRT at 12.50pm (supposed to b there at 12.30).. k chibye nvm.. si gundu = me, brisk walk all the way to bus interchnge, oni to find out tht the buses thts going NP, is along the road and not at the intrchnge,, -_-".. soo walk walk walk.. n i'm like shit i'm l8 l8 l8..

reached NP around 1+... so asked the security, whre the Outta Reach dance comp is.. i mean e venue.. and he goes..
"Arh?? chinese dance??"
and i give him the look of huh? and no no.. hip hop dance competition
"Pop ar? pop dance?"
dis time round im like damn pissed and wanna luff at his lameness and lack of knwledge of wht the school is hving today.. so i said, hip hop dance competition, its held sumwhre around here ryte?? (wif a sterner voice)..
and he said.. "erm dunno la, u try chck the glass hall dere, if dun have go down 1 floor"

and i walk off wif ok dat helps.. ALOT!

soo called ayeen, she's supposedly holding on to my tix.. can't gt thru.. panick2..
soo called shilla, den called Jon, n Jon i gd, give detailed directions, but ermx, dat time i cant tok long u see.. coz prepaid below $1.. and i said ok i gt it.. nhe goes on wif e dtails.. haha.. nvm, niwae thx bro.. at least u gve porper directions den dat deaf secrity guard..

soo arrived dere like gundu.. c'mon sia.. i'm alone.. soo ermz.. Jon was dere n soo i asked him to get ayeen fer me coz i cant gt thru her fone. (here i realise dat Hp frequency is like soo little).. n les den 1 minute later.. pop out Ayeen n Dada.. haha.. ok soo ayeen brought me in, n in my mind i was like "ermz? tix tix???".. n rupernye i gt free entrance.. thx bb..

soo opening performance by KarmaSutra, den Fhunkie Stylerz.. and wtf??! i see dem dance i'm like worried about my dance comp on Sunday.. wadde wadde wadde.. okok chill pill ayul..

soo tra tra tra blah blah blah and the winner is Fhunkie Youngsterz.. haha!! cute petite ppl.. haha!! ok dey can dance ok, n i'm not angry dat sme ppl might think ppl vote for dem (wif the screams) coz dey are cute, but if u see dem, they can dance ok!!! way to go!!!

den dis point of time bb was asking if i had plans to go out, n me.. = no plans.. soo she said she might go dada's house n den go home.. n i'm like wokay.. soo den i was planning to not go hme, haha shopping whif Shimmy Blueberry!!! haha!!! we shop like bodoh peh orang ok.. bought herself FCUK her perfume and for her bb Hadi FCUK him perfume.. how cool.. haha.. den a top n ok ni cnesor sikit, a thong.. ok i picked my courage to go into the sluar dlm shop ok.. haha!!!

pretty nuting much as we slack at our starbucks.. wanna ask bb along, but she malu.. aper dah.. malu malu malu.. beh my part tkle malu.. haha..

n last but not least.. pics are back!!!
happy gazing thru...



ok censor my face coz i look horrendous and ayul!!! dat hair!! ok coz by the dance prac, soo no choice.. n i look very haggard.. no class langung..bt ayeen look nice, haha.. mate lari ehx??? hehe cute ar bb...


in ze bus.. ok.. she look tired coz she is tired.. ahaha.. otw bck to clementi before splitting ways.. bachin sak muke due2.. haha!!!


wen i reachd punggol area, i made love wif Stella.. aaahh!! the smoothness.. ok i love stella artois n the reason for me drinking is none. dun cme tot he idea dat ayul is emo-shitting.. i dun emo shit.. coz to me nak nangis nangis la.. why mus emo???

k dats all ppl.. gtg slp soon, comp in few hours time oni..

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