Malay Entry

Issues

I Need To Find Myself

I'm Being Myself

Mixed Feelings

Another Week Long Off

Wondering

Gila Ba Bangs

Sorry And Thank You(s)

Guilty

February 2006

March 2006

April 2006

May 2006

June 2006

July 2006

August 2006

September 2006

October 2006

November 2006

December 2006

January 2007

February 2007

March 2007

April 2007

May 2007

June 2007

July 2007

August 2007

September 2007

October 2007

November 2007

December 2007

January 2008

February 2008

March 2008

April 2008

May 2008

June 2008

July 2008

August 2008

September 2008

November 2008

December 2008

January 2009

February 2009

March 2009

April 2009

May 2009

June 2009

July 2009

August 2009

September 2009

October 2009

November 2009

December 2009

January 2010

February 2010

credits

original: detonatedlove♥
pictures: owner's own

well... aftr posts aftr posts of sadness... things turn out better eventually.. nt about her.. well hw to sae, sumtyms.. u nd to put bad stuff aside ferst.. well it does hurts but at least no nd to think of it too much.. the best cure is SOCIALISE.. tok to ur frens, family members.. it gets the bad stuff awae.. serys.. n best thing is.. stuff urself wif good stuff.. haha.. example wld be ur fav food, hang outs.. haha.. n movies..

well.. to all hus worried abt me.. worry no more.. i'm ayuL again.. wadever it is.. u guys no me much mre better ryt.. so nice of u guys to make me face back reality.. i dunno y.. but.. haiz.. y am i oo bad tempered? haiyo..

haha.. dis wad i did todae.. well.. woke up at 11.30am from the click clacks of the keyboard.. n den went to shop wif my mom, bro n sis.. haha.. to find stuff for me.. well.. i bought a Levi's 523 jeans tt coz my mom $139.50.. a converse shoe at $56.90.. aha.. actually i want a Van's shoes dat cost $89.90 frm Ltd Edtn Vault at Heeren's but fuck! no size man.. biggest size left is 8.. soo sad n angry la.. haha.. can sae abit merajuk.. aha.. den my mom sae buy othr brands.. Puma is ugly.. soo is Adidas.. Nike is too common n i dun really like it.. Pony is nt me.. haha.. soo conversela.. murah pon murah la.. as long its nice.. den ryt.. gt dis new Ltd Edtn shoe.. from Adidas.. Adicolor.. cool sia.. gt Goofy prints.. but farking ex la.. $219... ask my mum abt it.. n she was like hell no.. dis wad she said, translated to english.. "Ayul, dun be crazy.. niwae its way over budget n besides u dun realy take care of stuffs; wen u wrk den u buy, i wun stop u.. n dad will be angry if i bought u dat." n i was like ok.. shes right.. $219? fark! haha..

dad will be angry coz dat othr tym.. i bought my fake Nike shoes dat cos $70.. n he was like "y u buy fake stuff?".. well.. he hates to buy fake stuff.. he hates IKEA furnitures n stuff.. he very quality conscious.. well.. aftr dat.. we go eat n went hme.. in NEL.. i met Emily SAW.. or issit shes the one hu saw me.. haha.. shes wif a guy sia? well.. mayb her guy.. dun wanna noe either.. den leave my shopped stuff wif mum as i abandon dem to meet my frens at Kovan..

the new lepak gang will be AyuL, Arep, Mimin n Udit... haha.. lepak doesnt mean MATS.. well we hate mats duhh.. we jus like to hang out.. den walk to Min's makcik palce to get ferry tix.. den er walked to Udit's place n lepak in his room.. haha.. i left earlier frm his hse coz i wanna catch e last bus.. coz yesterdae, i walked all e way frm Hougang to Punggol coz i missed the last bus.. or rather, FUCKING SBS BUS DRIVER ZOOMED PAST ME!.. leg lenguh dok...

haha.. well. i still hav my usual mit ups. dun worry, i dun abandon frens.. haha.. i'm a social person.. btw, wheres my othr bro went to? long time no heard of him since the BMB step dwn for exams.. hmm.. okok la.. i wan go slp soon..

well.. i'm still in pieces n cuts, but its healing.. i care for those hu cares for me.. fullstop.. n i still care for U..

i will nt forgive myself for the hurt tt i coz u. it is my fault.. it is.. dun worry i'll be ok.. serys..



i am to be blamed for all dis.. nt u..
i started it all.. so nw.. i goona wrk out sme way...

n if u hav any confessions to make.. pls do so.. coz, like i told u b4, i am very open minded.. serys.. jus tell me.. dun worry bout wad i'm thinking or feeling..

miss u much, but will u miss me? i dun noe..

y is dis happening to me again? as much as i wld nt want history to repeat again.. it did.. y? am i jus a born failure in evryting i do? did i make wrong decisions? dis make the wrong decision to even think about love again? y? can sum1 giv me an answer or jus slap me in the face.. y? first wif her for 4yrs.. nw dis wan? hw long can i endue.. i HATE waiting games.. aint playing it anymore.. well.. guess love really do hurts? am i like fated to be wif minahs? no! i wan sum1 hus caring n have a mindset of their own.. willing to fight for wad is right or wrong?

as much as i duwan history to repeat itself.. it jus did.. i guess i'll jus luv myself.. i hav still nt put dwn my hopes.. but i guess.. i cnt put much hope either. to "u", yes, i am facading.. no its nt ur fault.. but tell me which human of right mind will nt feel hurt? its nt ur fault.. its my own fault.. dun blame urself coz i'm the 1 to blame coz i started it myself..

forgive me.. n i still do, will n shall be waiting for u.. the very last..

lastly, love noes no boundaries..

hmm.. yeay.. bowen gt Gold W Honours.. ok dats dat. now its abt me n my new school. Temasek Polytechnic. Diploma In Internet and Multimedia Development (IND).. well.. i'm in a funky class la.. C143G.. n we hav mr Woobs as our care person.. aha.. well.. its lucky i adapt fast to the Poly environment.. kinda kool actually.. no sch bells n stuff.. lecture/tutorial/lab ends as soon as evrtytings dne.. the shrtest Lec evr is 30 MINS.. hahaha.. kool ryt.. well. Lecture aint soo draggy as expected.. but deres still e occasional swts n stuff to keep our eyes open! haha.. well.. so far.. the most boring wan is CMATHS2 i think.. maths.. of all subjects is the most dreading wan.. hah.. for now.. i think i'll love NMM.. kinda kool actually.. well classmates are crazy la.. second dae oready n we r like willing to wait for almost evry1 at the bus stop.. haha.. n our class head, is JOHN CENA.. well.. he's sabo-ed.. so i think the real class head shld be Kenneth.. haha.. crappy lad.. well.. he's the joker in class..

haha.. okok.. 1st dae of skool.. was kinda draggy.. my usual cliques can sae evry1? but i think most closest to Judy, Wan, Emily n Kenneth.. hahaha.. well. mondays last tutorial ended up as a bonding session.. hahahakz..!!! form a grp of 4 n play sme lame but very fun game.. nv tot of it as fun la.. Judy was like "wtf?" but den she ended up being 1 of the most active wan.. haha.. crap.. my grp consist of me (duhh), Judy, Wan & Kenneth.. haha.. n Kenneth namedour grp.. "The Smokers Group".. wadde.. haha.. ok it snded crappy but nvm..

den we reate a hula dancer/bottle holder.. it supposed to be a bridge la! haha.. n we gt the highest point for it coz its stable n nice la.. hahah



haha.. went hme aftr dat.. haha.. den tuesday was still e same la.. evry1 like noe each othr for soo long.. well.. noone is left out i guess.. soo fun... haha.. aftr skool me n my close buddies frm sec school explore canteens.. n we were like luving the food la.. nice n cheap. but still.. i luv IT skool "Flavours".. haha.. nice ambience sia.. n indeed at reasonable prices too.. well went hme aftr dat.. cant wait to reach hme.. wanna chat wif "her".. yes.. u drive me to reach hme asap la.. it soo nice to tok wif u.. kinda hav our common beliefs n stuff.. yes u! u noe hu u r.. haha.. yeah.. u.. "pocahontas".. haha.. well.. serysly, no nd to perm ur hair.. it will look bushy.. haha.. niwae ur hair looks very nice to me.. serys.. n ya.. i'll edit more pics of u.. if i hav dem.. hehe..

well.. i aint hurt la.. dun worry.. mayb i did facade.. maybe.. well.. mayb.. haha.. haha.. n nice debate abt smoking.. haa.. wad u said is true.. treat u lunch better ryt? hhaa.. n NO u r nt thin.. haha.. n i aint really dat yummy as u think.. im kinda lanky.. hhaha.. well catch u soon k.. reali am missing u.. rilli.. no joke.. since nw u noe e truth.. its ez for me to express my feelings n tots openly.. no nd to hint here n dere.. hw bout u? in luv mayb? well.. perhaps?..

yeay.. the round up is.. things hav sudden ups n dwns.. u may nv noe wen luck will be wif u. currently.. i am being in an upmost happy state. wish it cld stay forever.. i gt into poly.. i gt to re-keep in touch wif "u" (i tot i lost u forever).. i hav wonderful new frens.. im jus luving it.. well.. i gt class at 8am later.. soo.. gt to slp early.. "Flavours" canteen do rock! n "u", even u say i shld nt wait.. i will still wait.. hoping dat perhaps.. things will chnge.. yes i may nt love u... mayb infactuation.. but mayb.. dis infactuation will grw into luv.. yes.. love.. believe in it.. n it will happen.. n yeah.. wadever my frensta profile says abt u.. is true.. i am missing u.. nw... before.. soon.. muackz!

22nd April.. well it started wif a strong n exciteful day. SYF 2006 sia! puki tiang.. i'm like soo enthu la.. but at the same time scared for the band.. well.. dey did us proud. soo cool sia! GOLD WIF HONOURS!!! lol.. soo happy la.. i jump like crazy la.. haha.. now competing in GF.. reall hope bowen to be the BDB for dis yr.. competition will be very tight n deadly. BOWEN/TK/DEYI.. battle of e best.. congrats BMB as well as the othr bands.. its a strong n tight fight.. ok.. pics do more justice den words..



trumpet x members.. well.. dis is e start..



the XBMB.. fierce ryt..



n we did SIR proud again.. thank you father/brother/instructor thx for guiding from above

well.. wad can i sae.. BMB nv dies.. soo other bands, stop thinking of killing us.. we r jusourselves..

to BMB members.. congrats again.. now is GF.. dun slack.. aim for the "Best Display Band".. award dat we lost more den 10yrs ago.. we might nt get it.. but u might get it.. soo aim for it.. dun think gt gold is enuf.. change ur mindsets.. btw.. erm gold wif honour.. i noe othr bands sae hw e hell bowen gt dat award.. but damn.. we're slick n very smart.. gogogo!

well.. monday im starting skool, might be stepping dwn frm BMB for awhile.. but i'll be bck to help u all to get the BDB award alongside e othr X MEMBERS.. x members.. x HOR.. hahaha..

and IT skool rox! so is TP!!!

hihi.. well.. cant keep dis gift any longer. i rescheduled the unveiling ofthe XBMB art piece.. indeed.. its our very own BMB flag.. haha.. guess u ppl r surprised? well.. its a gift from some of the ex members.. well.. let me unveil n unfold e flag ryt b4 ur very eyes..



u can ruffly cpompare e size of the flag wif our dear yi jie's head n hands.. haha.. its gigantic..

basically,im tired now.. TP orientation dok! IND oi!.. haha.. well c u guys soon ya.. BMB oi! other bands, sak sak oi!.. haha.. its a cheer.. no bad intentions.. oni TP ppl will noe dat its a cheer! wee!

wow.. ok, me finally gt energy to post my latest post.. huh? post.. yeah! ok.. like i had said, had been tonning e past few daes.. erm.. thursdae nite? haha.. ya.. on top of Hougang Point like a grp of crazy ppl.. not me la, dem (BMB ppl).. haha..

lemme see.. it started out wif ppl singing n celebrating b'daes whilst doing band stuff.. arnd 11pm, sum go hme liao.. den 12, more went hme.. do the band *stuff* until siao.. yet again, not me, dem.. haha.. i jus mind my bisnes n help watever i can.. me n my cabaiero Mr Banana, or Mr Brown (lebeled by Bee Hwee).. haha.. farking arif.. haha.. ok.. by 2 am, dey look soo retard n evrytings in a mess.. i gt a pic to prove it..



erm.. e lil girl slping on the floor is our dear JY.. QM uniform but 1st to slp.. haha.. e rigth side of the pic is censored due to viewers' discretion.. hahaha.. must be M-18 den i can show u the pic.. haha.. pathetic.. me, arif n a-an nv slp e whole morning.. n we went hme arnd 6.30am.. haha..

slpt for a few hrs before going to bras basah in the afternoon to buy band related stuff.. haha.. met JY n Shawn at CP.. dey look soo dead la, pity dem.. hahha... den we meet up wif hwee leng, PJ n YJ.. haha.. do our surprise lor.. kool ryt.. buy the stuff n we started our project "surprise" at a void deck.. we forced JY n Shawn to go hme first haha.. dey gt band on Saturday.. haha.. so left wif me, te 3 gerls n arep.. but tt farker arif go hme at 12.40am.. last bus mahx.. hahah..

by 2.30am we finish our stuff n headed hme.. i wanna walk hme.. den my jeans is loose, soo i buai tahan i took it off n left myself wif short shorts.. hu cres.. its soo early in the morning.. noone wanna see.. niwae.. it looks weird la, coz i hav a 1.80m frame.. hahaha.. okok.. e gerls offer me a free taxi ride.. ath lor.. hahaa.. reached hme n slpt at 2.55am...

now is saturday.. haha.. recieved a morning msg from FAIZAH dat woke me up.. damn.. hahaha.. sick lor.. i wanna slp sia.. den nvm.. arnd minutes later kuya razee msg.. sae wanna go see the band stadium prac.. den he sae he wan fetch me den ath lor.. niwae.. im awake liao.. thx to FAIZAH.. hahaa... <-- winner of woMANhunt 2006.. hahhaa.. ok reach e stadium.. den meet up wif sharina, shafiq, hamid n ihsan.. still gt sme othrs la.. haha.. den at first shafiq went to the field wif e members, but nt me.. i dun wanna gt my shoes dirty.. so i stayed put. haha.. dats wen i realised im mixing arnd wif elder ppl.. i'm 18.. e nxt youngest i think is 21? haha.. fark.. n its ok la.. since i easily converse wif ppl.. went off later to hav lunch at LJS HG wif dzi, san, n mid..

den 1hr later go bck bowen to meet arif.. haha ok.. damn idiot.. stupid bro lor.. dis wan.. can quarrel wif me on y i nv wake him up.. knn.. u wake urself up la.. aniwae, u r the 1 hu plan to wake e othrs up.. including ASLAMIAH.. kns.. haha.. den we play our own stuff.. soo boring..

okok.. sent mid fecth his new car at his wrkplace den go back bowen. den i go do the DM uni.. haha.. soo funny.. i rather do dat den do nth.. haha.. den dne wif the uni.. go see n help dzi wif the DM..currently me outta ideas for DM.. sad case... haha.. dunno la.. den blah blah2 go field den 5.30pm band ended liao lor..

kns.. go HP wif arep, dzi n san to hav dinner.. den dzi wanna teach our DM sum stuff at park.. frm 8.20pm to 10pm.. hahah.. okokla.. i see if can help help lor.. my mace skills nt tt powderful la.. haha.. den e climax of todae is, dzi fetch evry1 back hme.. hahaha.. den b4 sending me off.. since im the last left in car.. me n dzi tok about stupid politics.. haha.. quite true la.. sme crappy though.. niwae bro, thx for the lift from morning till nite.. well...

SYF is 1wk away... 1 WEEK=7DAYS.. well.. i feeling the urgency,, i dunno bout the members.. well.. all i can sae is wake up NOW.. focus n u will jus be fine.. chill.. dun stress urself too much.. haha.. 1more wk ok.. dun let the x members/alumni down.. go BMB.. wee!
ha! i being retarded! go AyuL!!!

p.s.: i no longer pan asian liao lo.. haha.. kns..

well.. kinda tired now. jus came bck frm 'art' project.. well all i can sae is i had been ton-ing for the past few daez... band stuff.. gloves n stuff.. gt pictures but will upload it soon. soo tired now. n the x members gt sumting for the BMB.. picture of surprise will be uploaded on 22nd April On The stroke of midnite.. hehe.. ZzzzZZz.. guess i'll b slping bye..

e day.. or shld i say afternoon started off wif 2 msgs from arif.. wtf.. i was slping like a log for 2hrs wen dis bugger msg me abt e Percussionists B'dae tingy.. wtf.. i haven even bathe la.. its 3pm oready sak.. n im still in bed.. ok.. think n think.. y nt i jus go la.. since its only help at shawns place, Sengkang.. a few minutes bus ride from my hse..

supposed to meet wif the rest of the percussionists at 4pm at Compass Point.. need meet rif first.. dunno wad he wanna pay his hp bills..i wonder sia.. his bills is jus $40+.. wtf.. soo cheap.. mine is like $60+ la.. aha.. ask me for ciggs which apparently, i jus finished e last stick.. wakakakakakaa! ok den we go browse thru Handfone shops for the sake of killing time in wait for dearest snare drummer, JY.. haha.. ok.. so we made it to shawns place arnd 5pm.. man.. i can hav anthr hr of slp sia..

haha.. we ate.. n ate.. sialah..bcme fat sia.. hahaha.. but i started of wif salads. boy do i lurv salads.. haha.. ok.. den eat e fried bee hoon.. n last ly fruits n dunno wad Pau.. n cups after cups of orange cordial.. haha.. Hafizah (SL of BMB Perc) wanna hav an SYF movie but she brought n unplayable format CD.. kwang kwang kwang.. den Xun Xiang say he broughttwister.. hahaha.. fun game it is.. haha.. i nv play e first rnd of it.. haha.. i bcme e spinner alongside my cabaiero, arif... we purposely make fun of the players.. see dem twist n turn.. sniffing asses n cocks n pussys.. hahaha.. wtf.. n our dear Valen wanna hav a good time wif shilla... haha.. notty rascal.. aha.. ok.. played in the 2nd game.. noone wanna quit sia.. except edmund.. wad a small kid he is.. cant reach sum places thus he was booted out.. haha.. ok.. was freaky hot.. till thnk god Arif wanna puke coz he drink sth which doesn end up in his stomach.. n we're saved.. den we eat again.. n finally.. cut the cake..



hahaha.. doesnt look secondary-ish.. haha.. musical notes n bears.. JY.. u wanna make the whole perc look childish ar.. haha.. actually i'm e most odd wan out.. coz i aint a a Perc.. im jus dere coz Hafizah invited me too.. n basically celebrate together wif dem.. haha.. mice cake la.. haha..



tt bloody acting cute ger is JY.. haha.. soo funny.. aha.. eat n eat.. den we play twister again.. crap sia.. haha.. im one of the last 2 standing.. me and JY.. wee.. battle of the baby-facers.. i was about to win wen tt fucking spinner gav me a bad luck.. n i gt leg cramp.. thus dear JY won.. den we eat again.. wakakaka! eat n eat.. clean up n we went home.. hahaha.. me n JY walked hme coz our hse nearby oni.. i wak wif her to her bus-stop.. den fr dere take bus to enter Punggol 21.. haha..

the day ends off wif me, buying a can of Campbell's Cream Of Mushroom.. have been eteing it for quite sme tym.. n i ate the whole can by myself.. i aint greedy la.. jus wanna hav a satisfaction.. haha.. n ya.. bathe n here i am writing dis novel..

well.. catch ya ppl soon k.. and HAPPY B'DAE TO DEAREST PERCUSSIONISTS: Jing Yuan, Hong Peng, Xun Xiang n Rushilla..

well.. recently i've been very str8 forward.. to her n sum others.. well.. i learnt dat its better to tell sum1 off den suffer frm the insanity of enduring dem.. well.. to hell wif those hu r stuck up.. ppl be humble.. well.. hu cres abt dis ppl, sice dey dun cre bout us? n yeay.. i created a BMB flag design.. onli to b approved by the BAND MEMBERS.. hopefully dey do.. well.. which band flag has tribal designs on it.. hahaha.. cool.. nuting much to write todae..

kinda tired.. n hell yeah i felt great being str8 forward.. super cool.. c u wen i c u..

well.. todae, hmm.. came for band .. again.. haha.. ok ya.. but todae seemed very the fun! serys man.. haha okok.. all is boring.. till faizah a.k.a "THE MAN" came.. first thing she sae was... kutuk kutuk kutuk kutuk kutuk.. haha.. i luff sia.. me n arif, abt hw she kutuk sum1 wen tt sum1 suddenly cme in.. haha.. tt was jus e start.

okok.. den play timpani.. boing! fana? she cme for wad? hmm.. okok.. said hi, n go wif her to the trumpz, here farhan was screaming.. guess he was pissed.. hu wld not ryt? especially if ex-members arnd.. hmm.. okok.. den wen band combine, i was alking dwn e steps wen faizah said "ayul, wen see fana.. sure rush to her.." WAD DE FUCK.. i jus froze dere.. coz fana is jus behind faizah n like hell yeah she heard evryting.. haha.. she jus luff.. n i guess i blushed.. but cant be seen la.. paiseh like fuck man.. wtf.. okok.. aftr dat me nv tok to fana.. like ppl!! fana is fana, ayul is ayul jus frens.. nuting else.. n like gudness sake, shes attached n im havin feelings for sum1.. its jus old crush.. it haunts u back sumtyms..

okok.. den it was sum fucking meet the parents in bowen, so we followed e band to band room.. spoilt door, hmm.. yeah.. air con, which doesnt wrk.. wtf? okok.. den e sec4s left to meet deir ppl hu created dem, leaving dear faizah (sec2) e snare drummer alone.. ok.. wad will a gd x member do? hmm.. haha.. i noe i BHB.. ok.. arep grabbbed anthr snare.. damn, i duwan plat base drum, soo i took the toms whilst faizah took the base drum, soo sad.. haha.. crap.. we created our own rythmn n stuff.. n it sounded jus as gd, or perhaps better. hahaha.. we're jus having fun.. dun stop us.. aha

ok.. den wen went to mac for dinner.. jus e 3 of us.. ok, den me n arep go order food.. wen suddenly we saw faizah.. wtf.. she suppose to be siting.. den she sae she duwan to sit dere coz gt uninvited guest.. ok.. i peep n saw dat moron.. n me n arif was like dun cre.. haha.. so we return back to e sit bside e lonely moron.. like haha.. "shes" alone while we're in 3.. "she" pretended to be so innocent n pitiful, for god sake.. i noe "her" too well.. so e 3 of us jus ate, ignoring her.. ok..

den we see sum logistics frm BMB doing their banner.. ok.. looks soo weird n short. bt nvm its dier hard wrk.. i duwan to criticise ppl's wrk.. niwae its nice in its own way..

ok.. so arnd 8plus, we went hme.. me n arif in the bus wen sum told us she gt raped.. haha.. ok.. duwan to elaborate further.. wtf.. aha.. so basically dats all folks.. gtg band later at 9am for stuff.. hmm.. hope dat we can hav fun again like today.. btw.. kutuking is way much more fun den poking a finger through a doughnut.. huh?

lets do some self-reflection.. as in physically.. recently, im getting out of shape.. partly my fault la.. having a tummy is soo a no no to me.. well.. gt to do my sit-ups n push-ups again.. well.. for my face, fucking pimples are re-appearing.. n thx Siew Ling for reminding me.. haha.. nvm.. soon.. need to grow my hair long again.. prepare for the "wajah baru suria" auditions.. hahah..

well.. currently having a farking big, n irritating pimple on my left cheek.. i doused it wif a heavy load of Acne/Pimple gel.. wtf.. wenever i look at my old fotos. they all look soo handsome.. ahaha.. BHB.. yaya.. ok.. i mean its better den now.. now like gt red spots here n dere.. n itrs a livin example of a volcano, minus e fact tht at least its taken care of..

lemme describe the location of dis irritators..
quite a few dots on the forehead..
a bumpy wan on my left cheek
a less bumpy wan on my right cheek
a couple of dots on the bridge of my nose..
a dried wan on the right side of my nose..
and finally, a going to burst wan on the right side..

irritators! GOD, save me of all dis pimples.. haiz...

well.. i'm NOT grounded! hahahaha.. my dad gave me anthr ez-link card.. wee! hahaha.. dat means i can still wander arnd dis pathetic island.. currently had been going back to my secondary school.. for the BAND.. wad else.. NCC? hahaha.. well quit NCC like erm.. december 2001? haha.. wtf.. well.. gt nuting much to sae nowadaes.. n i LURVE outings.. hahahaha... JY, wanna follow? hahaha.. NC-16 la.. u cannot follow.. hahaha..

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