Malay Entry

Issues

I Need To Find Myself

I'm Being Myself

Mixed Feelings

Another Week Long Off

Wondering

Gila Ba Bangs

Sorry And Thank You(s)

Guilty

February 2006

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February 2010

credits

original: detonatedlove♥
pictures: owner's own

jus brief update.
work was.. great wif B close-by. INTAN U ROCK MY SLUAR DALAM.
dance was orgasmic.. as usual.
lepak wif Arief was K-E-C-O-H. ok hahaha!

noting of the unusual.
niwae, before anyone assumes anything.. or before people make stories..
i'm still single, i'm not dating anyone.
in other case, fcuking single..
i still do miss her tho. but we're not fated for now..

i'm leaving my choices open for now.. so nth la.
like i say, love is secondary.. haha!
so bye aku ngantok giler bodoh!

off day today.. nuthing much happened.. lepak wif the usuals.. Arief paitao, ok he accidentally slept. Kecoh ar dis fren of mine. Haha! my hair was floating arnd, so i put on a cap, wen i reachd home.. took it off, i see MUSHROOM HEAD!

Agrh! it had always been the hair issue.. and my face!
damn.. i need to do tht face peeling thing again.. my facial pores are very tight.. so when i have pimples, dey dun jus come out.. its always bumps here and dere.. I NEED PORE UNBLOCKING solutions.. anyone got ideas????

And i need slp now.. like seriously now.. its 2.12am..
i need to wake up by 4.45am latest.. FUCK NOW I GOT TO DO OPENING??
i want 8am shifts la!!!
Den i end wrk by 3pm.. run to woodlands to dance frm 4 onwards.. STUDIO BEBEHX!!
den at nite meet my new-found-lepak-kecoh-giler-spastic-retarded-fren. Mr Chuck Arief.
kau paitao aku lagi jage kau, aku rembat ko abes2!!!

den i jsu realised i cant lepak till tht late oso.. considering tht im doing yet another opening shift the next day!!! GRRRRRR~
mmng aku marah ni.. aku marah.. korang paham2 ar!!!

I ALWAYS EMPHASIZE ON BEAUTY SLEEP!!!

on a side note, i got to slp now.. smoke..
p/s: i look like a fucking girl today.. thx to the hair n face.. chibai!!!

bye all.. and and and..
i miss this special Amerie like alot lately, but i gort to move away frm these thots...

secrets, complications and confusions surround me..
i leave it to you guys to see me in my evry angle..

randomly:
I MISS MASTURA ANNUAR SIOLS!!!
shes the fcuking awesome lepak dancer mate i have... PERIOD!!!


Hello, all.. work was fine.. meeting and all.. tiem flies soo fast. And and adn.. ok watts is cute.. lol!! soo haha.. lets talk to her. And. i gt a box of chocolate. Hehehe!!! Pretty nuthing much happened tho. Ohh.. my hair is at its best today.. lol! despite the hurrican-like wind in the aftrnoon. Soo aftr wrk... meet up with..

Arief, Wawan n company all.. haha!
great la.. accompanying someone to and fro. Haha! u better appreciate it.. lol!
and i think people are suspecting btwn us.. argh! who cares.. as long as its not solid, i dun give a shit wad people say or think. ok.. im feeling very euphoric. Bye all..
Off day tmrw, and i wanna feel lala.. with who? anyone la.. tak cerewet..

AND..
i think i need a sugar mummy, dat will provide me with anything i want without the ened of me having any strings attachd wif dem. lol!!! let me ee.. a bike.. ermz..
i want a new marc ecko wallet.. and and.. the ltd edtn adidas shoe i saw mnths ago!!! lol!!!

ok i dunno wad im typing.. im feeling very dazed...
btw, to evryone and anyone, as long as im not caught in btwn in any situation, im fine with it..

Ok go! like wad someone always say.. hehehehehehe!!!

=P

"let me show you wad its like BEYOND ur fantasy" .. kinky eh.. shut up ayul!


sometimes decisions are hard to make..
i dun wish to be seen as a playa. It jus tht sometimes dis heart beats to another rythmn. And knowing myself, i'm a very much complicated person. I may like you, for a second.. i may like you, for a week..and i may like you for life. That depends on different individuals.. For now i'm leaving my choice open. I am.. i cldnt care less to hope for anyone to come share this light in my life, coz wheneva i hope, it never did come true. Soo i shall stick to my own principles of chill chill birbirds like wad Mas said.

Amerie, yes.. i do.. i do treasure her still..
but at this moment, tresuring someone wun gt me anywhre, i rest my case and shall jus keep this btwn the walls of my heart. I yearn for a different beat.. and im not looking forward for anyone.. just that those who feels tht they suit the bill and think tht they might b the next.. jus respond naturally.. jus soo you know dat Amerie will still be in here, and no.. i'm no taking you as reboun or anything.. nor am i desperate, im jus wanna see how i fare.. soo ya..

in fact i have oready eyed0someone long ago, but i rest the case before, but i think i'll replay the scenes and see were it will take us, but not now.. not too soon.. things are very shaky now.. till den, i'll just be happy enough to be seeing doubles and i'll just play single..

and these are some pics of the fcuksome ppl around me.







k gtg now, wrking tmrw... need my beauty slp..

its gonna be nice if you were to see dat i do care, but yet you need to bear to undastand the fact that im complicated, u up fer it?


I know, life for me these few weeks had been very much complicated. With alot of events happening of late, i jus can't seem to rest on a spot. Its supa-confusing. Wad more, of recent with ome truths emerging out of the blue shocking nationwide (macam paham).. its soo soo hard to make any decisions ryte now. And i wouldnt even want to think about making any now..

For one sure thang, if u ever loved someone soo soo much, take care of his/her tots and feelings, never over-run it with urs as the person may never come back to you. I miss red finger puppet more than anyone else in the world now, but at the mean time.. my complicated life is twisting.. if only shes around.. if only.. but i guessed i lost..

*random*
i smell rain.. its gonna rain soon!
soo i reckon i'd be going out any time soon today.

Oohh..
my my fav uncle, showered me with chocs n donuts yesterday = love.
He's gonna go for a pilgrimae soon, soo i guess i markd 12december i cant wrk nite, and 13th december i need off day. soo ya! hahaha!

and and.. personal life is called personal as its meant to be personal. Its not that i don;t trust people around me, its jus some things in life, i wanna keep it to myself to prevent bad things/arguments/fights happen around me. Duncha think so? I put others before me, and will continue doing soo..

k im fcuking bored, dancers confirmed dead sleeeping, its my off day.. its sunday.. its gonna rain soo i cant lepak even if Chuck's around coz he's farkingly full-shift and all.. and im lazy and and.. i dunno wad time im wrking today.. and and.. BYE!

"the day that i will see you in me is perhaps the day that you see me in you"

Like i mention again, its not right. soo yeah, it'll be. hope it won affect th efrenship btwn me n ther person. I THINK NOT. lol! ok niwae, work was.. ooohhhkkkaaayy.. considering my super un-manageable mood swing the whole fucking day. Maybe its the shitting problem i had in the morning or perhaps about the person.. or maybe its jus my once a month routine la. I was showing it to customers, even to Claudie baby, i din mean it.. i noe u guys noe me la.. i will jus keep quiet and keep to mysel when im in a mood swing. If i unleash it, haiz.. ROSAK! or in English.. DANGEROUS!

soo wrk was again a claustraphobic experience with at least 8 person on floor. THIS ISNT THE 6th DECEMBER!! plus my mood swing. soo not good timing, for the ferst time i loike doing the store room. i really d, at least i'm left alone to do my things. Tml will be a day wrking with Seargent Lin along side 4 recruits. argh! THE CLAUSTRAPHOBIA AGAIN!

niwae, i did something risky few hours back. I msgd someone, whom part of me fears to message, call.. or even look at and all i have is memories of the good times we shared *minus the pics*. Howeverm, i jus riskd it.. and she replied. Tho it was mutual its sth. to me.. it means alot. Thnaksgirl, you know who you are. That moment i felt tht feelign again, so oi guess wad i was doing the past few days is wrong. like VERY. That stirring feeling see-ing her name on the inbox, proved me the same thing it hadon me all the 4mths ago. Nahx, i'm not saying i'm lala-ing over her. Its jus felt great.. to have just this mutual feeling. To those who yada yada.. you're not in my position and i dun give a fcuking care, i am me.. forever complicated, but one things for sure, i sure noe whre my heart is. And it had never moved since 23 June 2007. She stole it, never returnd it.. i've never thot bad about her.. i've nevr once regretted anything.. and i've never forgotten. Friends girl..
p/s: i jus hope we can talk more often.. but i noe my limits btwn us.. i noe and i respect it.. i'm still scared about anything thats got to do with u.

niwae, met Titi,hahaha!!! i love going to *Bucks CM.. not just because its near, haiya, i mis my ex-managaer Hetty alot.. i mean the countless closing experience with her and all.. haiz.. going home together be it the old time cab or the chao chibai van uncle. I'm gonna persuade Lin to put her on shift soon at MW and hopefully Sarah let Hetty attach here.. Not only that, SB-CM also house Yana, who seemed very kecoh.. hahaha! it also house Zarinah, and god, how i missed wrking with her back in SG-AMK/BREEKS-AMK.. and haha.. i din noe she end up as barista too.. ouh not forgetting a good fren/dancer of mine Arief, hah! lepak lepak.. kecoh! and stop it with the techno songs.. period!

niwae, wrking later at noon. LAST DAY of the week before my 2 off-days. GOD, my body's aching oready but im getting used to it.
WORK-DANCE-LEPAK..
work with the SB-MW team which is supa dope..
dance with Urbanites crew which had never been betta..
lepak with Arief lately; kecoh! well dats wad he owaes say.. mepek ar lu..

soo chao chin chows people, i need to go have my nite shower den off to boo boo land. BOBOK AR!

*do you still have the red finger puppet that i once gave you? love, does it still mean sth to me? im afraid to love anyone else, not even you.. im jus afraid of love itself.. still.. you knoe...*

seriously, i'm stopping this thing sooner or later. Its just not right. Moreover, its 50/50 feelings. n no Mas, its not out of sudden, had been feeling shaky since day1. I jus can't let go of miss ex-date, i js can't argh fuck and to hell with privacy! i'm jus typing up all my thots. I still care for her.. no matter wad ever happened, i still do. I even told new date about her.. and as i reminisce, it got me thinkin wad e hell am i doing den?

niwae, new date is shaky too. i mean.. I DUN SEE us in the picture. actually both don't see US in it. Its more like me myself and i.. and i'm not that much bothered. Get the pic? its complicated. Till den i'm officially silent and speechless.. and i shall not elaborate more. Lets jus say.. new date is new fren. Dat will make things easier.. won't it? soo i guess, meeting ups will be lesser.. or i dunno. But 1 thing's for sure, deres noting btwn us. Just, friends..

and to miss ex-date, tell me or perhaps give me a good reason or explain wad u did to me tht it seems soo hard to let go. For till date, now.. n the coming days, ure still here.. in here.. and it never moved..

im terribly confused. VERY... and i shall stop.. i shall stop typing to..
i'm gona msg new fren to explain situation.. and hope it'll b a good end. And BB, i wanted to see u dance for butts off finals; but i was late. but wait. why did i even typed BB, haiz..

I NEED TO TIE MYSELF UP ON A COCONUT TREE AND PLAY DEAD!
fcuk! rotten pig eat shit la eh! im fucking confused.. i need my bueaty sleep. to the rest, im bck officially normal. pass few days glitch sikit jer.. fcuk!

Firstly i'm not saying i don't treasure miss ex-date anymore. We just happen to split ways. And as much as i hope we cross paths again, i know deep down its not going to happen. Like shes ovah dere. and i'm ovah here.. to different worlds. So i've decided, why not i take a few steps away and noe other people which i recently did. And as i've said in prev post, its gonna be personal.

Niwae me and the new date is wad i call very much complicated. Super complicated that at times i feel like giving up but im giving in.. ouh and at times i jus felt like blowing my steam off which i did n threw it all at "new date = ND" for no reason as i was already stressd at wrk with the wrkload and i tell u cant be in a small place with like 8 people surrounding me!

Nahx, i din meet ND today, i guess we're just busy, and this relationship is complicating. Hope i'll meet ND later aftr work. I just hope la. ND's wrking in the morning too. Haiz, i think i shall fetch ND from wrk ferst aftr i clockd out from my shift. I got lotsa things to say to ND but i hadn put it in proper sentences.

No we're not in love or in some sort of relationship dat's strong. We've just strting to open up to each other. It'll take time la. Especially regarding ND, and.. miss ex-date had been arnd; still is in the mind. I'M FUCKIN' CONFUSED.

we should make dis work, but at times i noe it all ends up to complications and more complications. What more to expect from the complicated life of the complicated boy AyuL.

days had been ohkay.
Did my hair extensions, den plugged it out. den customize it so it it can be put on as wen i like it and all.. and.. i lost 2 strands. 1 i think wen i kept it in my pocket.. the other.. ok i dunno whre i left it, now i left with 2 strands.. chibai!!!

stress sia!!! ok.. i'm bored.. i missing my fcukin awesome dancemates and all..dance prac on wednesday. i can't wait..

and i gt someone to dsturb oready.. =P

lets do some quick updates while i smoke away before sleeping..

work had been great despite extended shifts.. full-shifts.. u name it.. i did do all these..
wad more wif a bestie wrking together wif me, i love my claudie baby tho the usual squabbles, end of the day, we're still besties.. with yiwen few steps away, t mkes wrking all worth while..
p/s: i'm aimin for the coffee master, not joking.. at least since im nt schooling must as welli progress den keep delaying it over and over time and time again..
next stop i will and need and will do finish my coffee passport. since dun hve much left..

school? nahhx..

dance wise, we're busy coming out with new choreos and remixes.. catch us soon kaes..
and i love my crew truckloads filled with jelly beans..

love life.. lets keep it personal..

ok i'm almost done with the stick..
new chore new choreo.. im soo lovin it!!!

and lastly, im very confused and sceptical about myself.. PONDERS!
p/s/s: i find it weird going to wrk together wif elder bro, wearing same shirt, same district same MRT stop.. the only diff, we're diff stores.. heh!

Ok, soo i am back from my much anticipated dance prac. Tell you, its hell off crazy. We strted with ppl not soo in the mood, n outta sudden we have all the energy and fun executing the routine!!! AND, its my off-day soi tonn-ed with dem the nite before, and it was pure love. Coz i miss dem lorry loads!!! hahaha!!

Ooohh ooohh!!! I already got my red phone!!! walakakakajahakhakha1jkfhahfah!!! k i noe.. soo excited i typed up like shit. Haha!!! the only 1 bad thing about the phone, lol! its that.. its flash-less.. BUT! the super clear night mode did justice to it.
So, people. i've got my new number, tagg me if u guys want it.
p.s: mine is a ZOUK edition. lol!!! dat makes ts double the coolness. haha!

Niwae, ok phone is phone. Got it.. over and done. Next the motorbike! wakakaka!!!
Chitty chitty bang bang btol!
soo ermz, met Skin sunshine at 12midnite jus now. lol! To collect my superbelated bdae present. I soo love it. She really noes wad to get for me since years ago, her bdae gifts never fail to impress me. Haha!! one thing is dat i fell bad. Coz, its 2years i din gt her anything, and wads wrse is dat, i missed her bdae party dis year due to dance stuff. I know u understand k Skin. and and.. i'll get u super giant garfield teddy as long as you take cre of my Red elmo on the shelf in your room since 2004. lol!!!

ok la!! i'm done now, had 1hour plus phone session with my teletubby Claudie. and now i'm off to bed,wrking at 8. Chaoz readers. and dis blog isnt dead. hahaha!


Hi all , this pic was taken a mere 1 year ago. I was talking this out with Niki, who I still am contacting.. from this whole lot and some others, the bond dat these group once shared, now felt like it never once existed. It itchd my emotional corner of my heart, thinking the times we spent together; doing our "kental" ways of life. Mind you, dis pic was taken off my November 2 2006 post.

Lets split these group to 2 categories.
Bowen/Family and Tertiary/ITAS (PTK)

Bowen Family: we had all of us, i still remember my 18th birthday, breaking fast at fizah's place. We were soo close together, serious.. till we strt breaking apart. We used to have Fizah, Ayeb, Arep, Mimin, Fidot, Sala and Ket. Now.. its like me and Ket only. Wads worst, i used to have this "boyfwen".. who we stick together like super glue, and fuck those people who think we're gays or wadever;.. and dis guy is Arep. Was reading my prev post and its like we spent lotsa times sia as close budds, and i still remember the line, "if someone see one of us, the other is few metres away".. ohh and u noe wad, recently i reused my antic E680i and its flooded with you "ayul, where are you?" messages. Now, 1 year later do u people still find me?
and once i thought we're brothers/best budds and all of us a fam..
p/s: my mom miss you guys.. and the times u guys did hang out at my place. Miss all of you serious..

Tertiary:
As the pic above. Yes thats how we started. We made noise in ITAS. We knew each other thru Jam & Hop and some others. We were soo close spending our break times a must to mit up. Smoke our lives away. We've seen Ayu put on tudung and taking off.. giggles.. we've seen Niki with the specs.. we've seen the boyfren saga of Fiza and you guys have seen me in my natural hair state back in sem 1. These buncha people enjoyed all the times together. Slacking over at tamp area. Den we had Ira and Miza, they too used to be a duo.. when Ayeb and Fizah went MIA-ing. it left me with Arep.. thus 2 bros paired up wit 2 sistas. We made a good team.
we spent almost evryday by the park near century square.
Now it seems like all this ever happened before.. i'm missing all of you guys really. Now i'm left with Niki and Fiza. haiz..

Lastly: i'm wishing to turn back time.. i had hoped this Raya, we will mit again and celebrate like before but stupid.. we never.. i still hope for 1 day, the original family will return, and remeber, we once planned to go M'sia together? and the plans to go Philli[ines to stay with rach??? Ubin plans and all..

and to my close budd; Arep
you had been a great twin. Ya, i know people make mistakes, and till current.. u're the only person who knows the real me la. Plus all my secrets and stff; well ure the guy version; the other person would be ket. Hope 1 day we'll meet again aite. Take care and alway think before making ure decisionsand dun always base it on impulse.

I officially declare i had bought my new hp. Technically i bought it already; some of you might already know of my new number; but dun get too excited, the hp will only be delivered to me on my doorstep on wednesday between 4-6pm. I know, i'm all excited too. And whats the best thing, its delivered at the comfort of my own home. lol! Ouh, Rep's hp's good twin is back with me. What i'm tryna say is my white 6288. Its repaired and ready to be sold off to its next owner, Miss Ket Deluna. Moto E680i is off to be traded-in for the new hp. how cool. Why didn't i think of trasding in all this spare phones months ago. knnbccb!

So after this will be a new target, and i cross my finger and wish God for help to let me achieve it by very very soon. Hehe. Its the Red bike. lol! i wldn't discuss much about it here, coz they aren't much blog fanaics cum riders here.. lol! soo all you needa know is dat, its coming its way sooner den expected. Be able to buy it 1mth earlier. hehe.. hopefully la.. And hell yeah its Red in color, model of bike is still unsure, theres 4models in my head now, its about choosing the right one. hehe!! Will be bought off Bukit Merah accompanied by my most beloved cousin and husband and husband's abang sedare. lol!

Thanks Ain!!! hopefully i'll get it insyallah..
ones i get all these.. i'll be a more relaxed person, lepak nights will be back on.. and.. ya, i'll iupdate this blog of mine.. tarrah for now!

TAKING A BREAK


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