Ah-YuL

Malay Entry

2010-02-08T00:52:00.002+08:00

yeah, pat aku sumer jahat..
aku kan yang jahat slalu.. im the bad guy..
aku baik salah, aku jahat pon orng buat cerite..

kutuk la.. aku dah tk kesah.
trust tk trust. gasak uh.
aku hidup sorang mati pon sorang.. sakit jln gi medical centre.

ape korng kisah kan..
aku dah cukup.. dah lali with all these attitude arnd aku.

macam nak bantai bantai pon ader...
nk ckp tk pekik.. everyday aku pekik pat toyol2 pat tekong..

aku ni actually gelisah...
and im wondering why

Issues

2010-02-06T00:36:00.001+08:00

theres times i blame myself so as not to cause further damage to situations..

I Need To Find Myself

2010-02-03T21:11:00.002+08:00

I need to find myself. pronto..
I know i'm different but what's the different thing...

u left me wondering..
you made me become an ignorant person...

u mkes me wondering, wishing perhaps hoping..
you made me annoyed anguish and at times pissed off..

i'm tied down by ur ropes..
i swear your own your own this time..

I'm Being Myself

2010-01-29T03:12:00.002+08:00

Truth to be told. I think i'm a loser, a weakling a piece of trash.. evrything bad in the world; but im glad i'm also the type that doesn't give up. To be thinking why i'm still single, it never once crossed my mind. sometimes i feel im a loner; sometimes attention seeker. jeeez. wad am i?

I hate being alone tho, and thats for sure.

If possible, i wanna own a giant mansion, and den have the entire house filled with my frens. wouldnt dat be soo nice? hahaa!! we can call it our summer home..

*imstillmissingapartofme*

deres smethings i hve in mind.. but i just cant seem to type out..

noone cn understnd dis thots except those involved in it.

and i cn foresee those involved wun even b bothered, or least pretend to b bothered. haiz..

i miss you girl..

i feel weird fr not talking to hilton.. ure missed bro.

i chose to b alone fr the time being till i see myself needed.

Mixed Feelings

2010-01-27T02:12:00.002+08:00

You didn't need to tell your fren abt me man. serious.. my frens noe becoz dey noe abt me. Yeah, i noe uve apologised bt part of me always bear grudges. Yes countless times i always say im ok.. but do u think i am? i think u noe me well enough tht i wun b ok. I thot it was just btwn us. Nw shld i continue trusting u or not. Babe, it sucks to put hopes on u as a fren really.. yea, mayb u r dis way.. part im beginning to gt this aura of u being plastic. sorry babe, its not oni u dat cn b plastic, my other frens dun call me mystique fr no reason.

Its ok if ur fren dun stare at me or give this "isnt this tht guy" kinda look. i swear im nt the hahah!! look at me kinda person. Im the type of person hu confrnts.

N im beginnning to have a bad feeling abt ur abscence. im just gonna kp mum abt it..

call me too emotional.. i dun give a fuck.

to b honest,

i thot u cld b of a listening ear,

but i just realised.. apparently i was wrong.. im so sorry

i really am..

Another Week Long Off

2010-01-26T00:26:00.001+08:00

Tuesday - Friday!!!
Clearing of the off days before the batch comes in. Am I ready fr it? lol! idk la!
k actually im a bit moody but im happy, hard to explain uh.
Work, can be a tad tiring at times, but hell yeah. a few more months, and no im not counting.. coz when im not counting time flies faster..
okok. i wanna go lie down n rest.

ps: i cant stop looking at that particular picture...
how its near picture perfect.......

Wondering

2010-01-25T00:09:00.002+08:00

At times, i realised that i happen to think too deep about the slightest things. Sometimes causing unnecessary trouble and problems. geez..

seriously, idk what to blog about? oBar? hmm.. was ok uh.. i gt tipsy n i slept.. lol! i lost $10.. lol! i nearly nvr collect my bag, luckily Pockett was holding the stub.

and SHEYDEMA!!!

i realised when i'm tipsy i tend to be too honest. lol! fcuk! paiseh man!

ouh man.. im kinda worried abt a fren, bt im leaving him in his own space fr the time being; hope i can be of help soon. Mas n fa2, im seriously wondering if u guys are ok.. i swear i hate to see couple fight... im still missing Arif, Ayeb n Fizah tho...

ok la.. i wana smoke den slp.. ciao

Gila Ba Bangs

2010-01-22T11:19:00.001+08:00

And so im here again in this cold office. Same whirring of the aircon.. andand... WHERE IN THE WORLD IS HILTON! kimek! can't contact him for the past few days for the fact that; ROKOK KAU NGAN AKU BODOH.. and im like booking out later. tsk~
Sometimes i dun understand this bugger...

Aniway, its friday.. tmrw saturday = zoo + dblO + sentosa!!!
zomg!!!

wooohooo!!!
i'll take this opportunity to put all my worries at ease (minus the worry of where this bugger is).
noones gonna bring me down mannn...

Sorry And Thank You(s)

2010-01-20T15:54:00.002+08:00

It really does helps when i finally told someone about my current situation. Thanks Hilton for hearing me out. Sorry for being an ass for the past 2 days, sorry to Shuuj if at times i'm oso lazy to layan you and send random angsty msgs.

To you; let's just say i'm trying to ride your wave. We'll see how it goes.. and i will stop harbouring hopes and wishes; its taking a toll on me

To Arif, let's just say you're just a different person now and you want me to regard you as a stranger. So well dude, if that's what you want, what can i do.

Anyway ppl, i'm hungry.. i need a dose of changi village nasi goreng ikan bilis!!!
hahahaha!!!

Chalo!

Guilty

2010-01-19T16:53:00.002+08:00

I'm sorry guys. I really am. I know avoiding some people isn't the way. Gosh! I dunnoe wad i was thinking alryte. Feeling soo angsty and angry. Like very. I need to control myself really. I'm sorry to those people who I spew harsh words whether intentionally or accidentally.

Angsty Moments

2010-01-19T11:34:00.002+08:00

I'm really sorry to some people.. I really am; its not that i'm avoiding you. I just feel awkward. Its like idk man. When things aren't the same anymore .. It just ain't the same. I feel like idk, i'd rather not be in your line than being there to feel very weird. Idk wad im feeling luhh, maybe its just me over reacting or maybe it is real that i feel like this.

I need to focus. I cant even string words together to describe wad im feeling. The worst thing is dat both of u just got to appear in my dreams. 1 being the ex-bestie dat screamed at my face saying its just 5 yrs and wad can be done about it; the other.. seemed to be there for me n me for him.

I don't get it.
why am i feeling this way..
im feeling soo confused and i know myself better that im very very agitated.
its just a matter of time till i explode.

All Oudd

2010-01-18T01:30:00.002+08:00

Seconds, Hours, Days, Months.. Years...

passed. And never had one day 1 day I thought of putting you aside. I thought when I was then, I could find whatever I was searching in them; alas, I was proven wrong. Cause every time I think of the long run, you came back to my mind. What was I searching, and what do you possess?

I'm hiding these feelings, though its killing me softly, I know you kinda know about it, but it can't be helped can it. You're moving on with life, yet I'm still stuck in my own corner. I tried to move on, I tried; but I guess I've decided to just go with the flow. I believe that there's nothing wrong in me still having feelings for you, even if its one-sided. It makes me happy, even if i see you with another guy. Well, as long as you're happy, I will. No worries about the tears I cried, the jealousy moments, for to me, it's a sign that I still care. Never had once I want you to feel guilty, for you had done nothing wrong; you've given me a chance and I blew it. In fact thanks to you, I have these beautiful memories for me to "replay" whenever I think about you. You've been the sweetest and I once again thank you for that.

How I used to wait for you passed midnite, just to see you online and chat with you. But I bet you didn't know right? Lol! Very Jantan kpo like what you said.. I remembered the time we used to text each other like alot and I kept those messages, I remember how each message made me go crazy.. I remember the time when I was at my work chalet, I made you worried coz I got drunk and didn't replied your messages, and how you panicked and sent me lots of message, I was soo guilty that i texted lots of "sorry" to you. And i told myself, i had to type these "sorry"s letter by letter. I felt soo bad. I remember the time when we confessed.. It was heart shaking. I remember our random topic also. How we had random twins that go to each others place.. haha! *i'm smiling as i'm typing these down* Ouh, and also the collage of the pics you did for me. Even though if it's simple, i still appreciate it. And your dance, the first i went, how you wanted to use your sweater to make me feel better.. I rejected coz, well.. without your sweater, it's just gonna be your sports bra, and i don't want you to be in that, i mean like inappropriate.

Well these are just some of the memories I still keep replaying in my mind. It made me smile; at times cry, but tears of joy. I never felt these much love from a woman. You came as a surprise, I've always thought I'm never good enough for a girl. Maybe thats why I became too self-obsessed. I always thought i'll never be good enough; and thats my mistake.

But hey,

you've reignited the flames of love. Good for you, yeah, I may appear a tad jealous, but babe.. Whenever you feel happy, inside I'm happy for you. I gotta carry on living, but I just want you to know, if there's ever a day you wanna talk to me; rest assured i'll be there for you. And that's my promise to you.

Now it's just my story, to walk this path again.. Maybe just like previously, without any hopes or anything perhaps if I bump into someone maybe perhaps thats the one. But nevertherless, I still want you to know that I do ... you.. I just ca't say the word.. it's too strong a word. But if you know me well enough, you know what I have to say.

Last but not least, even though now.. i'm just that Ayul.. that perhaps you wouldn't even wanna remember that i once roamed your heart and soul, i just want you to know.. I miss you, and the littlest things you do still make my heart race.

Ain, this post is for you.. you're still the star that shines brighter than the rest, and you're still the queen of my heart.

Small Shopping

2010-01-16T16:23:00.002+08:00

Since i can't get shoes this month.. due to lack of finances..
im going to remove the flaws and all.. lol!! ok my face now has lesser acne, thnks to my superior facial wash regime n brands.. i recommend Vichy Pour Homme, however if you're going thin on the wallet (at times i'm one of these people). go for Loreal Men Expert, yes i got their whole range. OKok.. back to the topic; the skin has visibly lesser acne but visibly uneven skin tone. -___-"... damn big boohooo!

wads worse, damn dumb ZA concealer can't provide enough coverage, its ok.. i dun really fancy concealers.. but my sephora cake is too dark fr my current skin tone. ohh ddaammnn..
soo ive decided, once im done with this duty of mine.. i'm heading sephora ion. lol! jus for the foundation cake. hahaha!!! i noe ryte. but fcuk it.. i need it urgently.

thats about it.. im tired playing cafe' world.. im tired cleaning smoking point.. im tired cleaning damn office, and im tired of smelling lavender frm the air purifier.. i noe! damn bimbotic!!!

lol!!!

nonetheless; i'm missing you.. i really am..
it takes courage just to strike a conversation with you, even though i know im replied with one word answers or maybe the whole conversation is just boring. Maybe one day i can pluck up enough courage to tell you.. i just hope that one day will come.. breaking down almost every day doesn't help; but thank god i have friends who will help me to my feet whenever i feel at my lowest.

Korean Movie

2010-01-15T00:17:00.000+08:00

Life isn't always like a reel of film from a Korean movie.
How I wished it was, bt thats just fantasy.

I would be lying to myself if i were to say i'm not jealous..
But well on the lighter note, i'm jealous coz i care? lol!
ok merepek!

nite ppl.. and i miss you woman!
=)(

Staying Strong

2010-01-14T22:22:00.002+08:00

I'm staying strong yet im missing u.
BFF going to sme remote island.. haha, hilton, i'll b ok la.. hahah!! gonna miss you bro.
Had my cans of tiger beer. stupid pok pok game nw im like -___________-".
k i wanna watch horror movie liao. i want to... hehehe

ok.. miss u girl...
miss u hilton...

=)(

Renungan Mata Bukan Pandangan Biasa

2010-01-13T23:30:00.005+08:00

I need to stop these thoughts frm running thru my mind..
I mus stop these images frm playing on repeat..

i'm not angry at anyone, just maybe myself......
i'm just.. that guy.. as always..

And i'm my own's best friend.
Times like this you'll only have yrself, coz oni u undrstnd ur own thots n feelings. Even the bff in camp cant seem to set my mind str8. And moreover you're bz and well... sorry Faris, things like this sometimes.. it gets complicated if i tell you.

Patience My Friend

2010-01-13T10:57:00.003+08:00

Lalala... lalala.. *skips around*
fear behind every tear.. *hums a melody*
decode me baby..

*skips skips skips*

now where were we the other day?
*strolling by the beach*

i guess soo too
*yess baby..*

wasn't it all just illusions?
*poof!*

=)(

2010-01-10T17:40:00.001+08:00

Congrats Freakcase and Fir for winning the comp. Apparently the familia took home the whole comp!!! lol!!! madness... DblO was crazy.. omg!!! i cannot say much!!

All i cld say was my Saturday was a blast.

p.s: i'm cool

I Miss Them

2010-01-09T02:34:00.002+08:00

I showed mommy my sec school band video; the next thing she asks was..

"Where is Arif and Radzi, hadn't heard from them, how are they?"

all i can do is walk away.. i don't have the answers for my mom's question.

Arif, i don't know what separates and severed our friendship badly, but deep down u're still my treasured bro alright.

Radzi, where are you? where in the world? i totally lost contact... why and how?

p.s: i miss them alot; like hell lot.. only God knows.. in simple terms; they'll replace any gf i have now, bonds shared with these two.. only we know..

Happier Andri

2010-01-09T01:09:00.002+08:00

My past is my past, its just like a lesson for the future. No worries, i'm still as open-minded as ever. Wanna talk about it also can, just that don't think about bitching about it.. no point.. i'm making the effort to change soo the least i need is encouragement and not jeers..

BMTC Gala later.. -__-"

Then H2O Dance Comp Finals...

Then.. DblO..

WATTAQUAN!!!!

p.s: I've been a happier person since I pour out my thoughts.

p.s.s: I suddenly miss secondary school days, Band days to be exact; I miss my instrument and i miss Derrick and Arif. These 2 buggers, meet up soon.. Arif you're the only one hard to contact.

Relieved; Moving Straight Forward

2010-01-08T00:50:00.003+08:00

Relieved that one of my worries if finally gone; well.. i guess i just need to tell the person after all. Heh.. the crush with the friend is finally cleared. I guess it'll take a few weeks to get it clean cleared but well at least for now, we're friends like how we're supposed to be.

YEAY! BIG SMILES!

Now i'm just left with you; yeah! its ok, sometimes, idk why i'll go all out for a woman like you. LOVE? is that the word? huh? You know, i always don't want to think of you coz you know why? Coz thinking of you hurts me.. yesh! you read it right, thinking of you hurts me a hell lot. Sometimes i also wondr why am i being honest to you? why am i being dead damn honest to a person who doesn't appreciate sincerity, ok lemme take tht back, I DON'T NEED YOU TO APPRECIATE, coz you wouldn't even notice in the first place..

Lastly, i'm not a sore loser looking for love or wadsoever, i'm just a typical next-door-boy who want take on wonderful rides and enjoy those moments.. I just want to experience how is it like, to be with someone you care for, someone you're willing to sacrifice for.. i just wanna experience hw it feels to be in a relationship, call me a loser but well.. 2010.. 4 yrs was soo ancient.

This memories had becme soo faint that sometimes it just leaves me wondering..

theres a malay saying..

"asyik balik-balik perempuan ni jugak"

I'm really wondering on this line, what kinda impact have you left on my shattered heart?

i need those answers, or perhaps i need sme help with it..

i don't care already, hiding my feelings will only hurt me.. i just want you to know, to really know, that i know i had been a fucker, a sucker at relationship.. yes, i went berserk. made stupid decisions, astrayed frm the real path.. but soo just to tell you, when you left i was hurt.. did you know.. and as i think again, i made mistakes and was never given chance to explain or perhaps to prove you wrong.. i was left alone man.. alone..

I donno wad else am i to do to prove you wrong.. i donno...

for a record, babe, i'm not the typical guy hu can or easily find new girls.. im not tht kinda guy.. i remind you again, i am not...

i shall stop here now..

these faint memories.. well at times i shouldnt take the effort to remember. let memories be memories..

Qal, Mas, Fa2 and Mell.. theres reasons why i don't wanna think about her.. the reason is everytime i think of it.. it just hurt soo much.. it does.. i wanna be happy, i wanna be normal...

please don't dig up any topic about her again.. please, i wanna keep it as memories only; im putting effort only at one end of the line... i dun see an opening, i dun see a light, with this my hopes are dying.. i noe should not give up.. but let's just put that to fate..

i'd rather not rush in to a relationship with others or even you, coz things if handles 1 sided won last long.. n id rather not have a STR..

IMY..

*you shine brighter then the other stars*

As I Wonder

2010-01-06T16:34:00.001+08:00

I had been in a state of upmost confusion lately. Things around me had been going soo complicated. Im trying to sort things out; hopefully these things don't affect my daily lifestyle and routine. Work had been great, was awarded the coveted Platoon Sergeant insignia, but yet again comes with greater responsibilities. I don't mind taking up the job but it's not what I wanted to be. I just want to be normal; to be me.

Sitting in my office, only hearing the sound of the aircon whirring, it gives me a calm feeling, well for at east to type up an entry; occasionally moving to the smoking point for a smoke or two. 2010 marks the year for a change, but i guess it's not gonna be easy as i thought it would be. Sheer determination and strength is needed. I need to get my priorities right.

Its awkward enough to have a crush on a friend, but to think about another party(ies), that drive me nuts. I need to settle these things fast, but being me with my multiple split personalities, i just cant seem to decide.

On one end is gonna be a nice pleasant ride, but this ride wouldn't go for long, that what I'd predicted, the other end, its gonna be a ride even before the ride, but it'll will go for years and more to come. How am I to decide?

Both aren't providing clear cut answers and reasons, thats worst. I'm not the type who's gonna bug them, after all, I'm part of this picture, It's my own life I'm talking about.

Friends had been great; most taking part in dance competitions and performances, even bringing them to finals. All the best to FreakCase, Ryna & Fir. We danced together before, i watched your vids and i know you guys have standard. Maybe you guys will raise the bar higher, and im sure of that.

Going out to Changi V to get dinner/supper later; hopefully, i don't know.. My phone hadn't been ringing, hopefully I get a message or two from any of you. It's not about the message; it's not about me being selfish. It's just the thrill of recieving this simple gestures that will make my boring day a beautiful one.

Ok, i'm off to play around with Facebook. See ya'll later. Chao

How?

2010-01-05T12:51:00.002+08:00

How? How HOw? How HOOW HooWW Hohw hoW??
too many questions..

tooo many.. aiyoh!!! pening! haha!!!

Hello 2010

2010-01-02T02:38:00.002+08:00

Happy New Year to 2010;

may 2010 bring lots of happiness..

Here i am on my sis' bed, gonna fall asleep soon. I was reading thru my past entries, and realised that i've made lotsa mistakes in life, i was thinking and i realised i was human therefor i made mistakes. Some mistakes are inevitable some are caused by myself.

2010 comes with the word change for me. I realised that i need to change for the people around me, my loved ones and ultimately myself. I hope people do believe in my change. I'm embracing it. Im putting on hope. And for the first time, im putting others into consideration.

End 2009 brings me to meet a new friend. This friend somehow reminds me of the prev BFF. At times I just forgt that he's not Arif. lol! Fuck lah Ayul. lol!

And my heart has re-opened, for someone special. And only she should know.. I still hope for you despite the years and changes dat ive made. Foolish changes; and now im back.. for you, for me.. for us.

Oklah, i gtg rest now. Tmrw i'm having 9div Family Day at the zoo. yeah, called it family with my Pegasus permstaff. Hope i'll have fun. and babe, i know you're lepaking, have fun ryte.. i noe those boys will b there for you. *they better be*. hahaha!

And HILTON! i'll see you soon in camp! lepak3 till morning babe! haha! sial..

Im Very Much Confused

2009-12-31T00:23:00.002+08:00

First things first...

Happy 21st Burstday to my

nature-loving..

tree-hugging..

Bimbotic fren.. Faris Hilton..

hahaha!! have a good one aight! =))

OUhk.. bck to what i'm supposed to type up.. Its NYE, i gt no plans.. i mean close ones are gonna enjoy thmselves over at the floating platform. I knw i sound very pathetic, times like this i wished i had someone dear to me next to me. I mean, we don't need parties, we dun need $$$ coz all we need is each other and dats about it.

REALITY.. i'm single..

yeah, i do have sme people in mind. which makes me super confused about things. It sucks to weigh down pros and cons. I'm still holding on to the string of hope for her, but how long can i hold on to? I have a crush on someone but i knw in the long run, things like these i don't want..

confusing end to a really fcuked up 2009.

Ohh my... and im gtting sick oready. having terrible headache.. idk y...

Mommy and daddy went M'sia again, this time i think KL.. soo dere goes my bank..

yes, i'm left with $20.. $20.10 to be exact... and i'm supposed to hold on to these money till err

2nd Jan - ZOO with the SAF family day

4th Jan - COS duty, but i guess i can suffice with ckhouse food and my cans of tiger..

5th Jan - CO dialogue.. ouhh sheyy..

9th Jan - BMTC gala <-- i just need to hold on to this date..

after which, i hope to get a wardrobe makeover.. i need a change; a change for the better...

ok, this pain is killing me oready...

Happy New Year People.. in advance..

and once again.. Happy Burstday Faris Hilton

Realization

2009-12-29T01:02:00.002+08:00

Ok, i'll post about the Batam trip when i gt all the pictures tagged. Apparently Haiqal is being sucha PDS, he tagged himself only. Pics are up on FB.

This entry is about hw this trip woke me up!! like for real.

I know its been hard. I donno wad ive been trying to do, trying to prove. I don't get myself either. I felt like a loser. With no direction in life. You're all that i need babe.

I din noe hw u feel fr me last time, i nvr did ask.. all i cared was myself. I was soo foolish, soo stupid, that i never feel for you more. Now though time passed, i locked up these feelings, only to be break open, to realise dat, i had never once put you away.

Babe, these feelings nvr once changed.. mayb the one that changed was myself.. and now im taking bck these steps to chnge to a person you would notice and perhaps be the guy you'd always wanter and search for.

ILU dearly.. i still do.

Batam, Indonesia

2009-12-26T02:54:00.002+08:00

All right, we're heading Batam after killing zombies..

I soo can't wait.. can't sleep.. I need to!!!

I'm gonna miss the rest of LeScumz hu wun b joining us.. korang boring..

Missing Faris, Leon, Vic & Su (plus that JAPANESE MOFO SHUUJ!!!)

whos enjoying his time drinking sake i guess..

Also gonna miss the other dance people.. (not all, sme oni)

I'M DEFINITELY NOT MISSING TEKONG.

all thats left is to withdraw my money and gt it changed.. woohoo cannot wait!!!

No Need For Apologies

2009-12-25T00:16:00.002+08:00

Hey, i guess it's a misunderstanding. I cldnt agree less with you; we've been there for each other and i would hope for it to continue. Theres not a need for apologies man, we're both humans and we're not shield from making mistakes.

And i'm not the kindest person or being nice to you.. i'm only like these to certain people. In other words friends that i deem fit to recieve these kinda treatment from me.

Nonetheless, u're missed.. Hope to meet up with you soon. Zoo? hahah!

For the rest of u Bloppers,

Have a Merry and Joyful Christmas right!

Sorry

2009-12-24T21:17:00.001+08:00

You just have to apologise right... haiz...
just gimme a bit o time to coolmyself down...

I FInally Woke Up

2009-12-24T19:43:00.003+08:00

Woke up from my illusion and then i realised.. who are you to me. Just someone you will text when you need. Thanks uh!!!

p.s: I hate being treated like an item on a shelf.

I Miss You

2009-12-24T01:12:00.002+08:00

Its weird, how i don't see your name gracing my phone's screen. Whenever we had our simple random text conversations or perhaps when we met and talk over ciggarettes, it makes me a happier person, like thres someone to talk about all shits whther its weird or stupid, nature or not.. but well, its weird nw when it's all silent. I'm wonderin wads gg on on the or end of the line.

Hope you're not sick and everything..

you need not need to say sorry whenever you reply l8, fr at least you reply, but this time round.. man.. its killing me wanting to know wads wrong.

I miss you babe.. not the stupid couple miss la.. i just miss you.

I hope to get a text or call from you...

i really hope...

was it sth i said or did?

not knwing hw u r nw makes me feel worried.. really am

i knw i shldnt be soo caring towards you, bt i just cant stop myself...

get back to me Ris Low.. please do..

Let's Go

2009-12-23T21:15:00.001+08:00

Yeah, i'm not supposed to wait for your calls or msgd.. just like it tortured u, at times its torturing me.. but im making myself busy soo i wouldnt need to care. Take Care.

Anxiety

2009-12-22T23:16:00.002+08:00

I should stop having second thots.

it's already bad enough tht im having split personality..

but i can't keep having second thots abt almost everything.. and if the thots is good nvm, the thots are always negative.

Sometimes i wish you get the hints, but its ok. =) I dun noe, but i really do miss you. i mean, days since we last met. i'm going on a string of events of which i'll b supa bz.. xmas party, backpacking trip, NY countdown..

nonetheless, if i'm unable to contact u in any way or another, jus wishing u best of health, and taking care always.

Lastly, this isn't a love entry, i just miss a friend. The rest of mahh frens.. PARTY PEOPLE ON!!!

=)

2009-12-22T15:00:00.000+08:00

Im done with Tekong as of 1900 later; and dats fr Xmas celebration!! Hope deres BBQ and plenty of Tiger to go around. After which...

Mas, Qal, Ma-El & Fa2...

Yok naik Penguin ferry, this time round it wun dock at Tekong..
Batam baybeh!!! Batam crash course.. ala ala L5D.

wooo!! i soo can't wait.. its this weekend!!! JESUS ZAGA!!!!
hahahah!!!!

I need a break from Urban life, time to hit the streets man.. i mean kampong streets...
anyway, hoped those hu need to rest well, had adequate rest. =)

Empty Entry

2009-12-21T20:31:00.002+08:00

I was about to type something.. when you msged...

Stuck On Boredom

2009-12-21T14:49:00.005+08:00

As im sitting on this same sofa;
sound of boots, soldiers marching in the distant.
This company line though, remains silent.

I sat and i thought, a simple thought
why am i here? in this office waiting to rot.
I've got no soldiers to train;
and like they said no pain, no gain.

I feel soo lonely, in fact i am alone
in this office, at times at the smoking point.
It'll be nice if theres people around to talk to
and not just facebook alone.

I hate it when people calls the office;
for none of the calls are meant for me.
Why the invent of mobiles,
when we're still leaving msges?
maybe its the Christmas season; to make it more personal?

Back to Christmas,
i got my very first gift;
Didn't expect it but i got it.
A bar from Chocolate Research Facility
A chocolate nonetheless.

In the back of this head,
hangs this sudden thought..
but i guess that thought is in jeapordy
i mean when it comes to people putting their worthless penny

Now I wonder.. i really wonder
can this boredom be lifted?
can you be the answer?

Being Sick Is Sometimes A Good Thing

2009-12-21T09:31:00.002+08:00

Yeah being sick is sometimes good. I mean you get royal treatment from everyone. lol! not! i just find it nice coz for once at least momsy took notice of me. ok minus her consistent and irritating nagging; forcing me to down my medicines.. which i hated most. I DON'T DOWN DROWSY-INDUCIVE MEDICINES. Man, i gt my Toy Story blankie.. lol! i noe, i only use it whenever i got a damn fever, i think the blankie cured me uh..

OK, now im currently in camp. Very irranoying i noe, but nvm.. just a duty like every other day. Tmrw having the H1N1 vaccine, prays hard i wun gt side effects; im knwn to be of a weird genetic make-up compared to normal human. hahaha!!! Then damned BMTC just have to organize some X'Mas party.. wonders... i wun mind the drinks man...

However, to start off the day.. i was irritated by a new specialist (a.k.a idiots hu just graduated from command school). I swear when i just bcme a sergeant, i wasnt dumb looking, i dun talk nonsense.. these idiot, omfg!!! talks alot, asks me abt his bunk.. asks me for his bunk key, do i look like i noe where it is??? nvm that, wahlao... he talks to me about the lappie, whether its mine or not.. obviously its SAF, cant believe he's soo dumb, since when SAF allow the use of personal lappie unless approved, and as 3SG, the lowest rank in the SAF command level, you think we can bring our own lappie uhh?? den nvm.. ask whether can install games on it!!! Thats it!! i dun talk to gamer addicts!!! and yada yada.. he still yaks away about some lame guard duty thingy dat he needs to tke over one of my specs. ITS NOT GUARD DUTY, ITS COS!!! and wads wrse the reason he said was coz this spec is ORD-ing.. FUCK YOU!!! HE WENT HQ FR SME LAME SHIT ASS THING, HOW CAN HE ORD WHEN I MYSELF HAVENT EVEN ORD.

seriously, you can see frm what ive typed out, im seriously pissed off. I cant stand this kinda people.. especially in the morning, and especially when im busy doing something. I WAS PLAYING PETVILLE!!!! irritated man...

p.s: Before things get outta hand, im handling things privately, opened to invites only (meaning my closest friends only) too many kpo people uh!

Rest Rest Rest

2009-12-20T14:58:00.002+08:00

All i need is rest now...

this fever is draining me out.. really draining me...

my face looks soo pale...

lost my colors.

Just like Shakespeare's novels..

i'm more of complicated then 12th Night itself...

Kpo-ism

2009-12-20T12:32:00.003+08:00

omg! i cant believe someway or another im a celebrity. Its soo funny hw some ppl wanna inject a piece of themselves in my not really interesting life. That explains everything. But i can't be bothered lurhh ehh.. Amusing and interesting to you, but sesungguhnyer i find it plain childish and immature.

Get a grip ya'll..

messing with my personal life is a nono....

*you should consult people whove messed with my life before*

lastly, anyone out there who thinks im having the love of my life.. dun la assume.. come come, ask me luhh.. dun hesitate, why make an ASS-out of U-and ME... no point kpo-ing and yea, very bad u noe.. very bad

Whatever It Takes To Save

2009-12-18T11:48:00.001+08:00

Im not angry with you guys, im just disappointed. Let us just do some reflection; not me.. not you.. US... dun always assume wad the other party is assuming.

and i guess i finally found a twin. i'm getting a good feeling about this me. lol!

Alternate Ending

2009-12-17T10:35:00.002+08:00

I slept crying, woke up smiling..
Haha.. sweetest dream ever.. =)

*grins for ear to ear prancing around the office*

Blamed

2009-12-17T01:41:00.002+08:00

No point.
i'm always blamed, to b blamed dat i blame myself.
seriously, im crying as i type this out. im removing myself frm u guys, just like how u guys want me to; indirectly but i can feel it.

yes im ridiculous, im all the shits u guys want me to be. im all e negative aura. and all u guys think is dat i dun understand u guys. ive lost a brother before.. i dun need to lose a family, but i guess im losing it.

Den again, u guys will say im ridiculous again; i dun feel this Batam trip already. my 7days id rather slugg at home. maybe look thru our pictures when evrything was fine. Laughters and joy fil the skies. Where we dun need to care about the world. Sorry guys, i nvr meant to distant myself from u guys, u guys made me. Whenevr im around, i feel like a mere shadow.

You guys have your super fun life. and yeah im stuck in tekong.. n dats wad u guys always cme up with the excuse im stuck, busy n tired soo im unable to join you guys. dats it. remove me frm ur contact list. Im jus wasting space.

Thot being neglected at home was enough.. thot i met frens who became family.. i was wrong.. people only need me when im needed. im just an extra. cant believe i cant see it from the start.

Im forevr alone.. maybe i feel like an orphan..
smetimes i jus feel dat im someone born out of thin air..

i dun have parents who dotes on me.. its always the brother right mama?
i am owaes busy with tekong.. right Mas?
i am the oni ridiculous one.. right Qal..?

sometimes.. it jus suckk..
i've never been a great guy you dreamnt of ryte Ayeen?

good things owaes come to a close..
my chapter is ending with you guys...
since u guys urselves say im distancing myself..
den fine just like wad u guys say.. i shld jus b like dat..
saying i mke no effort and all.. if i mke no effort, i wun even bother to meet u guys even at late nites.. i wun even go dwn to wdlands..
if i make no effort i wun even msg u guys to hang out..

yeah, saying im calculative when in fact im not..
say wad u guys wanna say..
ive said my piece..

i nvr wana lose you guys, but you guys r indirectly making me do so...
thanx for hearing me out all these while,. you guys hve all grown up...
all the best in you future endeavours..
ill still be around, but this time round.. alone...

and to you, its nice hanging out with you, no, no qal.. its not a replacement.. its someone who at least will be dere wen u need dem. someone to talk to, someone to jus talk about random stars...
we dun hve good topics to bitch about, bt we hve topics to share...

LISTENING ISNT ABOUT WAITING FOR YOUR TURN TO TALK...

Happy Thoughts

2009-12-16T21:18:00.000+08:00

You texted me saying..

"need anything; just msg.."

I felt like replying..

"I just need you"

Duhh,, of coz i din say dat.. i just thought of.. lol! tak tau malu nyer aku

Confucked Feeling

2009-12-16T00:45:00.002+08:00

I hope after i wrote this entry you wun give me any msgs tht would like surprise me fr the wrong reasons again. I hate whatever im feeling now. One moment you wun be msging but when the least i expect it, there comes ure name on my inbox screen. Babe im getting fragile over this. Im not supposed to get emotionally attached to you man. I hope n pray man.

I understand you're bz but it kinda seem ure kinda distancing oso.
I need to get my hands off my phone man. I dun wanna msg u. It hurts. Someti
mes it feels soo good to be in an illusion but sometimes when reality strikes, it hurts...

I may not be perfect but i noe ure just good enough for me.
Forver hoping and praying about this friendship between me n u. To make a count, yest we had like 25 msgs.. today 1...

im getting tired. idk why im staring at this screen. You wun be online to begin with. Youre like slping now.. waking up at 5.30 tmrw mornin.. n im here..
and im here wondering...

wondering whats next..
to move on or not to give up.. i noe i dun usually give up.. but u had me tied up.

Meow

2009-12-15T22:42:00.000+08:00

Just like a psychic, u kinda read my mind and replied. but like i say, always at the wrong timing.. Hope to see you soon man..

Mixed Feelings

2009-12-15T20:01:00.002+08:00

Idk what im feeling now man. anticipating your msgs is killing me; really. I guess you might hve been busy.. but too bz to even msg 1 simple sms? It leaves me wondering; period. You said you're cool and everything, but i think things had made a turn for the worst.
Yeah, i was ecstatic tht u replied yesterday's msg aftr hours of wait, but it made my day. At least i can sleep smiling. But today, its all different. Very.. gosh..

Well.. maybe, nicest people are too nice to "not" break hearts, that sometimes they dun realise that the cut they made is even deeper. I'm waiting for ur msgs still man. Really.. i din wanna msg u now n then coz it'll b irritating on ur side, but.. nvm...

I'm just hoping. Hopes filled with sweet dreams. Well, even if we're to remain friends, im still gonna be happy; really, but dun do this avoiding thingy man. You said u hate it when i leave u wondering and it kills, soo why now r u doing this to me? im feeling the same shit man..

I have hopes in this man, i really do.. maybe jus a glimmer.. but a glimmer to make me waking up everyday a meaningful one.

Im getting more n more confused... playing russian roulette on repeat.
stuffing myself with food, smoking my life away, pretending that everything's fine.. well its not really.. its ok though.. i'll be strong, and still hope dat u will reply at least a msg.. or maybe ur phone spoilt.. im just being optimistic abt these situations.

tarrahh ppl.. i guess im downing my sorrows with the Tigers..
ive gt no reason to be sober tonight..

wishes do come true.. ryte?

Confusing Complications

2009-12-15T00:24:00.002+08:00

I don't know whats running thru my mind now..
i don't exactly had plans for my next move...

time is running fast, im gtting too impatient..
i need to calm my nerves.. ohh man..

you should not noe im hving a crush on u...
maybe not now..
maybe you already knew..
but lets jus play pretend...

well.. u said ure gonna text me..
but u didn't...
maybe i shall jus think ure too tired lurhh.. we'll see how tmrw..

complicated.. confusing.. all soo funny...
waiting for the unexpected drives me crazy...

jus to tell you.. you drive lil black buterflies in me man..

Music Love

2009-12-05T22:45:00.002+08:00

Its soo funny why im having this real major crush on u.

I mean we barely noe each other, or maybe its just me stopping myself from the obvious. Im all out man just for you, i do feel we can connect together.

Knowing u is jus plain coincidental in many ways.

wish to noe u better man. like serious. its time for me to be with someone real enough to mke these boring days ahead a better one than yesterday. And i feel u can do just that.

Music is the link btwn us babe.

geeez... i dunno wad else to say. Seeing u make my heart skip beats; right Mael?? lol!!!

Its all soo near yet soo far away.

you can see my heart beating...

you can see it through my chest..

you're just like a sweet dream, perhaps a beautiful nightmare...

Ill see you soon, hoping and praying.. this time i'll talk to you aite?

im breaking this shell just for u..

emotions

2009-11-29T02:14:00.000+08:00

Emotions

I don't need sore losers, yes im arrogant, obnoxious.. wadev. I'm not bothered by others words. Yes i noe i'm not perfect,

and so are you. Niwae, this post isn't about hatred, its about me. It sucks to be me i guess.

Hmm is that guy your new guy? lol! i'm just curious girl, if yes, congrats.. really;

hope he'll treat you with lotsa respect. Yeah, felt a tad jealous only just now, but only a tad. Haha! but my gut feelings says that its just friends?

idk, i'd rather be on the safe side. Miss you still bozzo. =)

Life is complex now i guess. Keep searching for the right one, but it seems i'm just too naive and stupid.

I don't trust people easily, but when i do, i always get hurt; why?

Maybe i shouldn't be even searching for love. Maybe like how it happened 2years ago, maybe i should just

not expect anything. The feeling was wonderful, i realise that the more i search for this 4 letter

word, the more shit i get myself into.

Went to DanceXplosion4 just now. Saw some familiar plastics, its either they are faking a smile or making me feel oblivious;

then again your lost. I'm like giggling to myself looking at these people. Oh mary!

Silence kills eh...

actually smetimes i envy people with loved ones. HOw they cuddled and all, love like a form of drug;

it makes them go high. Was observing my surroundings for 10mins, almost everyone has someone to turn to when it comes to

love. We;;, there i was sitting on the railing, staring into empty space.

Oh well, we'll see..

i'm not a sappy person, soo let's jus continue these new chapter.

adios bloppers.

Thnks Fr E Memmries

2009-11-26T23:30:00.002+08:00

Hey, u make me crash down ground zero, soo pls dun bother talking to me ok. U made me in such a confused state and situation soo just leave. Dont bother me. U got ur NEW guy soo yeah go and dote on him. Dun try to play ur games on me anymore. Ohh u feel like u haven won uh? okla i give it to u; i hate playing games anyway.

Dun take me too easy, fr a record im a cold hearted bitch. I bite back.

Yeah, i noe hu ur new guy is, fr a record ive even met him face to face before. lol! funny uh, succha small world full of pretenders.

Niwae, Happy 20th bdae alepo sanchez, i doubt u read my blog but heres to u dude.

and to the muslims hu celebrate killing kambings, lol! slamat hari raye aidil adha? did i spell it correctly? lol!

last but not least, DX4 Grand Finals this Saturday. im soo gonna go n watch it. i realise i do blush whenever i talk to her.. god dammit!! hhahahah!!!

okla.. im having my angsty moments nw, thnx fr PM-ing me. Like i said before, dont bother me anymore k. thnx.. i may just gt angry n den since the loan sharks are soo in the spotlight, i shld jus go ur hse n spill paint on ur door. hahaha! soo near wad.. 1 bus away only. hahahaha!

taarrraahhh.. serious babe,

jus have fun with ur life, dun bother mine oready. u r just a memory to remind myself never to fall for people like u tht cost me lotsa shits. thx. LESSON LEARNT

Confusion

2009-11-23T04:09:00.002+08:00

Im pretty much confused. guess evryone agrees with tht. Haha!! idk wad am i seekin in life. hahaha!!! when i seek love it bcme lust, when i seek lust it bcme love.

nono, boboy not in love.. had few crushes but bleargh; not gd enough fr me. wakaakakak!! lifeless people!

Boys Nite Out was fantabulous. who was dat gurl man?

on a lighter note, the "girl" was still locked away. entah uh.. shld i rekindle the flame or just let it be frens.

On the fcuked up side, why shld i be jealous. pening uh aku.

ur so called bf is plain jack. hahaha!! ure oso 1 confused person eh? lol!!!

k lah.. n i shld stop giving excuses when it cmes to wrking out. getting gemz oready.

lalala... models shld maintain a healthy figure... NOT!

eh i want you and you.. you oso can.. eh u ok la...

wtf?

btw shpping list fr next mth is up.. pants baybehx..

and a long awaited trip to NUM.

eh, have fun tau.. tkmo dapat AIDS sua..

lol! BITCH

Gimme Back My Life!

2009-11-21T01:23:00.002+08:00

I just realized. 1yr1mths of NS shizzles had passed. Time flies. Where i stand now; wad i had sacrificed, hope i did the right things. However the downside, life had become monotonous.. too monotonous, the myriad of colors no longer exist. Evrything had turn.. dull..

from tees to vests

bold to bald, no questions asked.

who am i back then..

pages flipped

on the calender stand

look where i got to

people change and so did my muse

where was all the clueless bald boys?

angst slaves of nation now?

i have no answer.

sacrificed love

wad was it anyway?

friends became a weekend luxury

not gold but platinum.

how the rarest metal was made cheap. sigh~

choices given

laid like tarot cards on a round table

no matter where you sit or how you flip,

life's unpredictable.

i flipped my card.

its empty.. is it the void?

pitch dark black only some whispers now and then.

plain

decision made, i took the card

no questions asked, just murmuring to myself

why did i chose this path?

i shut my eye lay down my pencil, i drew a circle

two dots and a crescent moon.

wow! a happy face

re-create? or make belief?

leave that to fate.

ten months to go

back to where the colors start flowing

slowly but surely..

putting back life together again

and trying to remember..

who am i back then?

In Denial

2009-11-14T21:27:00.001+08:00

I'm missing them. I don't care what they wanna say about me but i miss them.

Don't Put Me In Your Shoes

2009-10-24T00:03:00.003+08:00

I'm feeling quite down lately, but thank god im in camp. I soo can feel it, ever since i went NS, things werent the same anymore. Yeah i noe im kinda outdated with things happenin around me, bt tht doesnt mean u gt to ignore me. I noe ur body languages man. This isnt the ferst time this kinda shits happen. Omg! well im trying not to be bothered by it. Since u guys want me to be invisible then i'll be.

Sorry i'm not a celebrity or sme importnt public figure or mayb im just not cool enuff to b hanging out with u guys like we used to. I cant be bothered much oready, Hey, tell me hw many times ive been duped aside man. Looking at our current jus wanna make me puke. gosh, i feel soo detached. Hahaha! im having mix feelings uh people. Part of me just wanna cry and not think about it. Part of me is soo filled with hatred. Mayb coz of people like you guys, i just cant start trustin.

Haha,, yeah mayb im nt prominent enuff, wad to do. I have a boring life. I dun have JUICY gossips to share to excite a crowd. All i have is myself. Im losing this soo called definitation of "friends". Its soo hard to please evryone eh. This NS 5days a week is putting problems behind. Sometimes i have mixed feelings whenever i book out. Coz i noe im bound to be lonely.

Gone are the times, heads are turning big. But i cant blame u guys, to start off, i was never in this circle. Ive gt my own circle n u guys have urs. Sorry fr entering tht circle 2yrs ago. Nw its owaes i gt to noe myself whenever u guys r out. But nahx, i will no longer jus hang around. I dun hve a thick skin to join up with u guys whenever u guys go out. Very uninvited soo i dun wan la. Summore the faces n body language u guys give; think i stupid or wad.

I GLADLY KNOW IM UNWANTED IN THE VICINITY.

hhahaha!! happy enjoying uhh.. i dun care anymore. Wheres the smses, wheres the replies. None. Not even calls. Im just 1 of the other friends u guys have in Facebook and msn. Brothers n sisters? i got to think deep bout that. First its Arif, now you guys.. I'm hurt all right, thnks for making me once put u guys as top priority.

Another Hiatus

2009-10-05T01:04:00.001+08:00

K.. so new intake is coming soon this Tuesday, scripts prepared lol!! masked on! can't wait or should i say, actually i cant b bothered.

So here it is guys, i'll be gone frm Monday, 12.30pm onwards.. all the ways to 17th October aite.

Anything text me on my hp aite ppl.. lovelies..

Celebration

2009-09-30T22:27:00.002+08:00

Wooo!!! finally Blogger had solved their problem. Like Finally. Well i know i hadnt been blogging. Theres jus nothing interesting things to blog about. i aint Perez or Trent who will go the xtra mile to dig out hottest hollywood gossips nor am i ur typical secondary school kid gossiping abt the other kid across the classroom. My life is currently taking a stroll in the park.

Havin this well deserved hiatus from Army life is soo appreciated. Ive even frgttn to do some duties shit. Lol!!! Civilised for too long.

Turnin' 21 in less den a few hours; but i feel theres somethings botherin me.

I dunno y but i jus can feel it. I noe something is bothering me coz ive bcme super moody. I dun do my hair, not even dress up.. im like ur typical nerd.

Oh and i'm smoking bonjour ciggies!!! $8.50.

am freagin broke.. u wldn't wanna noe hw i gt the money.. if u were to knew.. its like fcuking ridiculous...

Thats it.. i got sme straightening up to do.

and to YOU, heres my middle finger.. i dun think u noe i have a blog bt i dun care.

FUCKING WUSS!!!

and i miss my cousin!!!

Super Boredom

2009-09-05T23:13:00.000+08:00

Hi all, fasting month's here.. Fast or nvr fast u guys decide. lol! apart from tht things are moving soo fast. In camp; my ferst batch of babies are gonna b released to the world come this Tuesday wen they POP, n den its bck to square one fr me..

Games day was kinda boring, yeah, my heart n soul handball team didnt made it due to some sore-loser warrant offcrs coy; niwae im ok with it.. we did a blast in the Recruits Evenin, partying n performing n winning the award. Wad a last minute choreo n we won.. haha!!

Fr 3 mths in Tekong, things reallymove very fast, from the people u finally gt close to n build trust n dey have to ORD, gosh.. gona miss you Izzat... And then, theres also my group of dancers, gosh!!! how long have i not met dem.. this is crazy.. especially fasting mth. i cant hang out late coz of pre-dawn meal.. n i stay far.. n i broke soo no cabbing.. n i gt no vehicle.. argh!!!

Love life, hahaha.. this is a joke..

never once gt a successful one n oready immune to heartbreakers..

ouh, i hvn really wen to bazaar at nite.. i noe i jus like to go dere to gt the raya feeling.. i wnna go dere with frens.. oh man... aiyoh!!!

k im soo gonna gt this POP done and over with the recruits.. n den wanna relax lepak..

Obsession

2009-08-23T12:58:00.000+08:00

Blogger is in a mess..

niwae, soo here i am joting down my soo nt interesting life for kpo readers to gt a jiz out of it. idk man, sme ppl jus wanna kpo arnd soo nvm la.. feelin celebrity. hahah!!!
okok.. i noe, its official... im seroiously having a crush on someone.. gosh.. soo near yet soo far!!!

everyday look at tht person.. omg!
kk.. im officially in love with Ayul Andrika..
oh man..

National Day Blues

2009-08-10T10:07:00.000+08:00

Forget the fireworksn frens celebrating goin crazy together. Duties on a well planned weekend. thanks eh. Oh about the girl im hving a crush on; idk la.. i dun feel it, i think shes not into me.. i noe, nvr ask nvr noe.. bt i cn just feel it ar. i hate to hurt myself; n i dun wan her to be hurt or feel guilty.

Niwae, the item for NDP09 kinda suck.. nt much props, bt the message was clear; kinda like their idea, but performances could be done much better. Oh, i was stuck in my camp, with elmo by my side and ciggies as best frens, blasting music, pretending the damn darn office is a club opr sth.

I soo miss mas, haiqal, fathu, alep, kimmie, ryna, shahrul, le scumz.. gosh!!! n guess wad im hving duty again dis weekend.. fcuked up. im nt the type hu complain abt duties, jus dat, wheres my wkend? damn damn.. nvm, i mke sure wen fasting month kicks in, i mke sure my wkends are nt disturbd.

other den dat, heres a belated 22nd Birthday to Fie Lawa!

landri signing out peeps!!!

Electrocuted Touch

2009-08-02T19:23:00.000+08:00

i'm soo totally over you, jus to find out ive gt a crush on someone else. Geez!!! now all i need nw is to take it slow.. hahah!!!

lala la la land!!! to have someone to hold u in ur arms when u least expect it..
now thats wad i call euphoria!

Never Endin'

2009-07-19T23:28:00.002+08:00

I was wondering the other day. Yeah, while doing guard duty.. how muched i really miss you. I tried to block memories of u, bt whenever i think abt u, it gt me hooked. How i really hope ure the right one fr me. The times when we wait for each other over at msn..

How much u cred when i din reply to ur msg coz i gt wasted over at my wrkplce BBQ. i doubt u still remember but i still do. Btw, do u still hve e red finger puppet?? i still hve my blue one.

Relationships, its nt abt being with someone, its mre of being attached emotionally. I missed the times i constantly talk, think and breathe abt u. Knwing tht each day, ill gt surprises frm u. Yes, 2yrs passed.. im trying to frgt, bt at times it haunts me back..

I'm still missing you, even tho im like a fcuktard. Doing things im nt supposed to. Perhaps mab sme of it embarass u.

yea,i noe.. we're very far apart now..

like very...

maybe if i cn gt things str8n out, we could talk?

i dunno, babe.. i dun mind nt talking to u.. sitting next to u watching the day go by would be a miracle. i'm still am sorry.. i still am angry with myself.. and to me, i still regard you as the Queen of My Heart. Remember the pic i made for u??? btw, the collage of the pic u made fr me, its still in my hp..

Missing you..

Anger Management

2009-07-19T11:41:00.002+08:00

Ask u guys;

would you b damn angry tht ur mom thrw ur things??? this is wad happen..

Out in tekong for 1 wk..

back to home to relax.. oni to find out tht the stuff i put on the table was no longer der where i left it 1 wk ago.

When i ask momster, all she said was, i askd ur brother, he said its nt his..

wtf? soo not my bro's den cn throw ar? enough of this favorotism!!!

and stop lying u din noe u swept it away, cmon!!! u sweep using ur eyes!! im nt angry tht u threw it, bt trying ur way to lie out of a 21yr old?!! u crazy or wad?!!!

cibai.. very angry... lost my NUM tag jus like dat!!!

i noe its jus a dumb keychain, but ure lying piss me off!! wad mre wn i gt to no abt "not ur bro's" story!!!

fcuk it ar!!!

i smashed the medicine counter. din mean to break cough syrup bottles but.. well i accidentally did. this is wad i called accident. felt partly sorry, partly u deserved it when i see mom cleanin the sticky mess i created. but fcuk it!!!

cibai!!! wads mrwe!!! i fcuking angry when im feeling sad abt things i meant to b angry at.. am i being too caring for a mom dat kinda look dwn on me??

or am i jus failing anger management?

argh bingit!!!

Welcome Back

2009-07-19T10:51:00.002+08:00

Yes, hi.. ive been hibernating for the past few weeks. basically; im just lazy to update ar. Hahaha! busy with NS. Really puts my mind away. Yeah, the reason for my abscence oso coz my comp spoilt? forcing me to gt a new lappie. RED one durh... haha.. kinda satisfied with my buy.

Nonetheless, i had been playing my fren's NDS in camp; now im hooked backd to it. the only problem is dat; I SOLD MY NDS PRIOR TO ENLISTING LAST YEAR. BUMMER!! ok soo i'm planning to gt a new NDS next mth. hahaha! this time round im looking to gt the EUROPE Edition full RED. yea, Singapore dun hve it.. soo i gt to like search fr an export set. $220+ sia.. but nvm..aku sanngup.. or maybe, i thot of getting the limitd edition MARIO RED one.. fcuking nice ar, n very the unique. price wise to i need to think. its like $300+. ninahua.. if wrst cmes to wrst the price like v high, i think im jus gnna get bck the same old one. At least its new mahx.. hahaha!!!

My lappie is kinda dumb, no photoshop n remixer all.. need to install all these soon. Lemme find timeehx.. hahah!!!

okoko.. im gg off nw to watch sme tv,.. jus a reminder, this blog aint dead yet.. jus lazy to update.. hohoho!

Bad Boy

2009-06-14T22:45:00.001+08:00

i'm bored,

niwae ppl; dun use Mozilla Firefox, it crashes my comp 3 times oready..

read it on the net, the new firefox causes alot of glitches..

u can try Google Chrome, recommended by me and Falah..

and,

i noe were my energy is now..

im sure..

I LOVE FALAH

2009-06-13T21:47:00.002+08:00

I LOVE FALAH
I LOVE FALAH
I LOVE FALAH
I LOVE FALAH
I LOVE FALAH
I LOVE FALAH

because of thise uber nice guy; he repaired anyway-going-to-die-soon computer!!!
and dats y im here bloggin!!! gosh!!!

anyway, i really dunno wad to blog..
i'm no longer in SISPEC..
i'm officially a 3SG.. yeah yeah.. SPECIALIST baybehx!
I'm posted to Tekong as a BMTC Commander/Instructor..
i failed to be a PTI.. how demoralising...

i'm strting to bcme a gym/swimming pool addict..
i'm gaining wht..
im getting better skin complexion thnx to garnier thingy dat smells of lemon...
i'm still single, tell me sth i dun noe..
i dun hate her, i dun love her... dats sth new... but havent forgotten bout her.. soon..

i have a togepi figurine next to my comp...
and last but nt least, im hungry.. again!!!

Updates Got To Wait

2009-05-18T15:30:00.002+08:00

Ok first things first.. i safely landed frm BKK to SIN on 17th.. at 1.23AM..
I bought nothing from DFS, call me stupid or wadt, coz daddy's eyes are glued to me..
I got lotsa things to blog about, pictures to upload, people to sakat but.. i cant coz..
My comp is officially spoilt.. dead.. no heart beat.. cardiac arrest oso doesnt work..
So i'm at a LAN shop.. with 0% privacy.. and i cant smoke while i surf.. ccb!!! and wad's great? i'm supposed to book in later to dumb PLC camp..

Niwae, my number changed bck to my previous number.. 8159****
my line kena cut off again coz noone paid bills when i went to Thailand; the sucky part is,
overdue amnt is ONLY $92++.. Starhub had become soo kemut. Fcuk!

I soo need all the pics..
Army buddies took the pics, expecting them to be up at Facebook by them soon.
And gosh, my natural waves at its glory!!! but not anymore.. i did my hair oready.. soo its relatively str8 now..

OKOK!!! no more updates.. i'll gt my new lappie like ASAP.. mom said she'll get me a new one.. i mean i pay half la..soo its faster, if i were to ask daddy, t'll take ages!!!
Thank you lord for the upcoming 3SG pay!!!

p/s: Dear readers, dun add me up at Facebook if you guys dun really noe me.. i'll accept ur request at ferst but if i think u're ugly, not my fren, errr entahla.. i deem all rights to put u off my fren list. chalo betehx!!!

p/s/s: on a side note, my comp is down.. but my 20GB Classic 2nd Gen iPod revived itself. wtf?!

Simply Thinkin

2009-04-06T21:37:00.002+08:00

Few days back, i was talking before slping with my buddy (refers to the bed beside u in a bunk)..
i was telling him how confused i'm thinking about things right now.. i mean NS, its all different.. u dun hang around your usual buncha frens dat much, ure kinda outdated.. and stuff.. and doing things like marchng evryday.. sweating.. sun! gosh! den my fren said..

"You're just waiting for the day that you can do the things you wana do.. ie. dance.. right?"

i nearly broke down.. but i just kept quiet, i replied him with a yes.. and i pretend im tired n i told him gd nite.

I din sign up for this NS shit sia, rules need to be changed.. NS was important coz S'pore den was jus beginning.. now c'mon if sumone isnt prepared to serve the nation, he just isn't.. dun believe me.. take a poll..

Command school.. i din noe why i said yes to it in the ferrst place.. should be money? or issit are we kinda psychoed to sign up for it.. i'm leaving for Thailand soon for 3wks.. gonna miss my family n frens alot.. jus wanna get my 3 Chevrons and off i go.. hopefully seeking a better position in the SAF.. Tekong feels home to me somehow.. pls God send me there.. for at least its near my home.. n easier for me to link up with frens..

Oh dun ask me why im at home now.. gosh!
nonetheless.. im looking forward to Butter Factoring this Friday with dem homies..
Hopefully all can mke it.. Smirnoff Grn Apple is waiting.. and if anyone wanna ask me buy drinks.. tell me wad drinks n transfer money to me.. ill tell u the price before hand tho..

Hunger Strike

2009-03-22T12:03:00.002+08:00

Decisions to make.. not that i have a clue on wad to choose.
Chocolate addiction had been kept low.. legs are begging to dance.. but sigh.. hmm.. camp life had been great with great frens. I miss my hair, seriously i do... i wanna grow my retarted Tsunami fringe as wad u guys call it.. add shades of red.. extensions of red color.... madness!!

okok.. i dunno wad im toking about.. my mind keeps wondering away..
Valentines day dah over kan? i totally forgot bout it.. fcuk.
Somehow i believe, dun find love.. let love find u..
broken hearted happens oni wen u find love.. haha..
soo im sitting here n waiting for u ppl ok... applications open.. IYER!

Niwae, let me show u ppl my latest addiction..

Wee weet!!!

Top Notes
Blood Orange.

Middle Notes
Praline, Tonk Bean.

Base Notes
Vanilla, Patchouli.

Its a limited edtn fragrance.. i just got to noe.. damn, i soo love it!!!

In Camp

2009-03-16T20:51:00.002+08:00

Okok.. i'm in camp ryte now just to let you guys noe!!!
I miss ma bbyy girls..
missing ma dancers...
missing shawn and zaffy + akmal..
missing whoever dat thinks im missing dem..

darn.. fcuking bored.. hungry..
haiya haiya!!!

BORED LAH SIOL!!!

Yresim

2009-03-08T18:52:00.002+08:00

Unsettled,
Unspoken truth;

Hidden sorrows,
Dry tears..

To the world he's mum..
Secrecy to blame or to blame secrets?

This soul has yet to diffrentiate..
for what lies ahead is better then what had passed.

Decisions made; regretted and patiently waiting..
And you too.. now I ain't Fieckle minded.. i'm just me.

Randomness

2009-03-01T17:24:00.002+08:00

Mas went KL.. dunno maybe trying to find keropok lekor..
DYK.. needs sme talk now..
Tore muscle fibers, den my leg got blue black.. NICE..
I'm gtting fatter.. wow!
Met baby yesterday!
Went crazy yesterday!

damn.. i should continue being innocent.

and bby, thx for coming into my life... BUCHUK!

My Silence Doesn't Mean My Consent

2009-02-08T01:43:00.004+08:00

GOOD FRIENDS ARE LIKE STARS;
YOU DON'T ALWAYS SEE THEM,
BUT YOU THEY'RE ALWAYS THERE.

At times, people.. when i say something serious.. i mean what i say. I'm in no mood for you guys now. Im seeing e picture in a different angle now. I'ts kinda different. PEOPLE! if you guys realise, we're kinda splitting apart. Evryones soo busy, that i undersatnd, and then noone is making an effort about it. Me? i've tried.. but seeing each and evry single one of u being selfish, i've come to the decision. Its not longer about us.. its about how selfish each one of us has bcome..

Last time, the phones will ring..
then it bcme to me ringing up people..
now the phone had bcme silent mode even tho its not..
(coz i cant b bothered with u guys at the time being)

I'm minding my own business now.. you guys noe how to find me.. (not oni when u need me)
i'm still glad i hve my girls to talk to when i feel down..
i'm glad even if its jus 3 girls and myself.. at least out of these 3, 1 will always be dere 24/7..
lastly,

i dunno guys.. jus see the picture now..
we're falling apart...

and to the people who kept saying i MIA,
i MIA for 2 reasons..
1 is this reason..
the other is caused i'm not told/updated of anything (unlike last time)..

its sucks.. but oh well.. reality baby..

Usually Thoughtless

2009-02-07T23:03:00.000+08:00

Nehhaayy.. howdy dudes and dudettes.
well. i noe, ever since NS came into the picture, i kinda left this blog unattended. Its not that i want it to be that way, i barely have the time man.. haha.. niwae dis week.. i made myself stuck at home. So friday and saturday at home.. well not really for friday, catch up with eyy blueberry girls.. haha! they nvr fail to mke my day, (mind u i was from camp and shagged out). haha!

Someone made my day too.. being soo cute as always, i jus wanna bite you; ya know!
Soo my days in Echo "might" end soon. read; might.. i'm hoping i wouldnt end up in ASLC.. putting my hopes high in PTI spec or Medic Spec.. or jus perhaps MP.. hhaha!!!

I swear i don't wanna dig fire trench. ouhh an to those hu might be wondering what about crossing over to officer school. helloo.. ditched that thoughts long ago upon seeing a "good" bunch of dem putting up a grad show just to gt to that place, (which some obviously managed to get noticed).. soo yeap.. haha.. i ditched that thought.. to me i kinda thing this whole 2 years is jus like broadway show.. mind you, my opinions!

ok, im kinda bored.. someone perhaps is drunk somewhere.. haha! BBYYs sure having gd time with their bfs.. and DYK? -_-" nvr heard anything from dem recently.. soo oh wells..

nighty nites all.. im gonna hit the sack soon ar..
tired (even tho i slept the whole day!)
p.s: imy buchuk! hahahhaa... =p

If Only

2009-01-25T19:41:00.002+08:00

Kini baru ku sedari
Selama ini kau ku sayangi
Andai bukan itu hakikatnya
Mengapa rindu yang ku rasa

Mungkin tiada ku fahami
Tidak dapat ku nafikan lagi
Beban rahsia kian membakar diri

Ikhlas ku nyatakan
Kau yang ku sayangi
Kau yang ku cintai
Walau tak mampu ku miliki

Ingin ku luahkan
Mungkin satu hari
Kan terbuka pintu hati
Dapat juga kau terima
Diriku akhirnya

Can i wish 2009 to turn back time for me??
Can i wish things to be happier?

i miss you bozzo.. had been missing you ever since..

Its Not Dead

2009-01-23T19:54:00.003+08:00

THE BLOG IS NOT DEAD.. JUS THAT THE BLOGGER IS SUFFERING THRU IMMENSE JUNGLE WARFARE....

Firing fake bullets.. hahaha!!!
kk, im dis machine gun thinggy firer.. soo watch out eyy!!! lol!

k, im bored!!! very very bored.. long weekend.. (next week field camp 1 week)..
how...NICE??

kk..i dunno wad to say oready...

WORLD PEACE

Welcome 2009

2009-01-01T11:47:00.002+08:00

HAPPY NEW YEAR

When i jus thot that things are nt going soo good, the tide chnged.. im grateful to have my frens n family arnd.. im grateful that out my path with u crossed. =)

2008 had been a blast.. if i rememberd properly, its the birth of DYK crew, followed by F'Up crew.. thts one of the greatest achievements. Ayeen's 18th bdae party.. n of coz, me going NS.. not forgetting ZoukOut as well as the countless nite outs with Le' Scumbagz.

I'm back from a round of party over at Palawan, it was kinda nice.. minus tht im kinda sleepy.. (i sleep to prevent myself from puking all over). hahhaa!!!
i'm missing alot of ppl now.. but wad im missing most is dancing.. its been months..
to Mas, Wawan, Haiqal & Ryna..
please please please... I'M FREE TO DANCE NOW.. like seriously..
it had been fun watching u guys perform.. but i wanna be in now.. BMT is over.. weee!!!
teach me all the new choreos aite.. im looking forward to a better 2009 with you guys..
i love my siblings each and evryone of you.. even tho the leader snores when she sleeps...
hoho!!! maybe thts how u gt ur great voice.. just maybe eh? tapi tetap pompan kalau dengkur eh.. ish3..

Report in camp by 2230hrs.. fcuk!
hahaha.. chalo!

Hopes

2008-12-31T14:45:00.004+08:00

Its just funny, that.. when u just try to put hopes on people or things; they backed out on you. Thats how im feeling now. I know, i saw the signs coming, gosh! these premonitions thingy, the ability to read body language, and guess wad, it has upgraded!!! haha, i'm level 5 on this ability i guess. Able to read body language thru phone conversation.

Darn, niwae, idk why u made that decision, i still din get any answer.. and im kinda depressed but as always, ill find a way to make up for it; i mean c'mon, its new years' eve people!!!

Ohh, went to home club the other day... lotsa of things happen, lotsa things lost... fcuk shit.. anyway.. thts all fr home club, im soo lazy to blog.. (coz mayb im just outside homeclub with falah). The rest got soo seleleh!!! eeewe! hahaha!!!
Anyway, anyway. anyway.. i just realised theres this new supermarket in Punggol that sells cheap liquor!!!!
ok, a small bott of Jim Beam white for $11..
Oh Mas, ure fav Long Island Tea oni for $4.95..
Original Baileys for $46...

in words.. I THINK ITS FCUKING CHEAP AND IM GETTING SOME SOON!!!
too the rest..
HAPPY 2009!!!

and lastly, this sibling sang a song for her lost phone.. i seriously think its nice..

Fcuked Up Depression

2008-12-27T17:46:00.002+08:00

And so what? SISPEC? Big Deal.. i'm still a National Slave,
going thru hills, mud.. shit as.. scorching sun.. wadsoever nonsense food over at the cookhouse and dealing with this thing called "area-cleaning" which is kinda a pain in the ass.
soo i do this for 5days a week.. or maybe 6.. n comes book out day.. the only time im free to go "civilian"; BUT here i am, stuck at home.. yes. home.

What with all the plans.. plans tht are cancelled. i wun be mentioning names la eh.. lazy. Den, people that well.. idk la.. im having thots abt posting all these (coz at least i care abt the my "friends" feelings). i'm seeing deja vu.. gosh! maybe its just me, maybe its just the humans., they come to you only when they need you.. ohh the words "i miss you", dun seem to have its effect oready; jus like quoted frm another blog of a fren of mine, he said "when you're busy training, stuck in camp.. the messages and thousand and one calls about hanging out, catching up.. yes, but when youre outta camp, these people seemed to have vanished"..

Seriously, you guys need to underdstand how NS man feels about their Saturday (and maybe their Sundays).
Korang senang lar sak.. ckp busy la.. inilah, but at least you guys have weekday nites to spend oso with your loved ones n friends.. while NS men, stuck in camp..

Enough la, im totally moody now, fcuk la!!!
serious shit fcuk!!! dun say u missed people when you dont mean it..
fuck!!!

and to you; i'm not talking about you, =)..

Mood-less

2008-12-20T23:55:00.009+08:00

Things had been kinda crazy lately.. thank God i'm single.. hehe!
the 1 and a half week of hiatus from the "GREEN" life.. I CALL IT SEX baybehx! ok, i got my posting. just-so-you-know.. yes, imma going to SISPEC. Biggie? nahx.. i think its common. Anyway.. the problem now is..
location of camp. PASIR LABA CAMP = Boon Lay
------> (denotes distance)

eg:
Clementi ---> Boon Lay.

BUT;
Punggol ---------------------------------------> Boon Lay

Very retarded. Ohk! the aiyoyo! ferst day, must report by 8am or latest by 8.30am. hmm.. travel time 1hr 32mins. to play safe i gt to mke it like 1hr 45mins. soo u see..
frm my place, gt to tke a bus to khatib, den take train to J.E, den chnge to green line to Boon Lay den finally tke bus frm dere. omg! ok soo lemme take 8am. 8 am minus 1hr 45mins.. i need to leave my place roughly arnd 5.45am the best. wtf?! soo i need to wke up by? 5am!
shits! ok enough abt this complain. gt it done n over with la..

Oh, i watched Twilight the other day.
Fcuking nice.. (except the part where Mas go fanatic upon seeing the Cullens)
haha i love the plot, i love how the vampires are.. (not ur ordinary vampire eh).
OK this kinda movies always gt me hooked up lar seyy!
same like harry potter and all sia!
im soo looking forward for its next movie..
and soo.. i rate it

9.3/10 CUMSHOTS

And and.. im soo getting "Honey" colored lenses very soon.
imma have a vampire name.. and im calling myself Andri Cullen.
n yeah, im not a vegan yet.. i love human blood. hohooohooo!!!
and wads my power? the ability to sense the level of sex drive a person has.
wakakakakakakakakakakka!!!

ok i soo wanna have a date on a tree or play baseball.. vampire style..
nuff said baybehx.. im off to eat again (tho i jus cme bck frm simpang with bro Elfy)

Self Love

2008-12-15T23:41:00.002+08:00

Hmm.. i was looking, gazing in the mirror.. only underwear clad (in camp cannot do mahx), n i realised i gained weight. Took out the scale and i'm weighing at a line btwn 64 n 65kg.
Impressed? very much i am with myself.
I'm aiming for 70kg. haha! dun laugh la.. i really want tht number for my weight. hahaha!
Soo wad i did today..
EAT.. EAT.. play comp.. Xbox.. EAT EAT... shit.. workout.. EAT EAT.. play Xbox again and EAT..

yes, i ain't joking.. i was up since 8am today. lol!
oh ya, im watcing wad im eating.. had bread n sme crackers fr breakfast.
Noodles for lunch.. Pasta for dinner.. pasta again for supper..
ahahah!!!

soo my workout routine.. very simple and easy to follow.
2 exercises oni..
150 push ups. 100 crunches.
when i wake up n before i slp or when i think i ate too much. hahahhaa!

i was thinking abt the pull up bars, but lazy to go down u see..
i did thot abt jogging/running.. but well.. lazy..
soo here i am.. patiently waiting for the 70kg to appear..
and and.. im re-eating GNC shits again.. lol!!!

just pray ok...
till den toodles.. bitchass!

Partays.. And A Whole String Of It.

2008-12-15T01:38:00.007+08:00

ZoukOut 08 pics!

Ohh Happy Birthday(s) to Lil Sis, Claudie Baby, Fizah "Pantat" and Massytura Spears. And also to the upcoming 23rd for slightly bigger bro (as big bro refers to the eldest one). K anyway apprt from tht i guess u guys noe hw old u guys are already. Very lazy wanna elaborate lah..

I POP-ed a few days back, yes soo i gt the whole week to party.. NOT!
apparenly money is not on my side.. ZoukOut and im broke..
yeah i noe $48 isnt alot.. but tht din include the things i bought prior to ZoukOut.. pre-ZoukOut party and all.. n tell m which moron goes out n never spend on other things? food, transportation etc. Bedek eh kalau tak!

So now, just like the emancipation of mimi.. dis is anticipation of Andri, eagerly waiting for ZoukOut pic from Dorothy's womb. Yeah, she got a whole lot to give birth to. A real whole lot...
Now we just have to wait for Mas to be nice enough and upload for the whole world to see hwo sexy we can be..

Ohh about ZoukOut, the event is nice la.. ok if ure new or virgin to it (like me) ferst few hours you'll be like wow-ing evrywhre.. but soon its jus like some carnival soo ok la.. but kinda wrth ur money.. the crowd.. hmm.. S'pore crowd aren't tht open.. we need to work on this issue man.. i think everyone should be like the people over at Gay pubs/clubs.. they're fcuking frenly.. haha.. and speaking abt gays.. we set our eyes on the J and F.. let me refrain frm their names lah.. they very sensitive ppl.. and the sight of them is soo fcuking eeewe. to J, ure nt hot at all.. din u feel very low compared to those other better built/gdlooking/an hot gay boys.. while u look closer to a drag? eeewe! to F, man stop criticising the entire world in ur blog n hw u think ure very atas kinda boy but oh well.. Frankie Muniz is still more atas-er den u.

Ohh i dun have issues with Gayboys or these two here..
likewise i love to bitch too.. im bored la, n those are just my personal thots, jus like how u guys have personal thots abt having ure McSpicy burger dipped in rotten curry sauce.

Okokok!!! i'm freagin broke!!!!
HomeClub on 17th.. i wonder.. i seriously wonder..
read: Andri hates going out when he's left with less den $100 in bank and lesser den $50 on hand.. minus transportation fees..
sad ar!!!!

no money no party!

last but not least;
you're just like any other candy, sweet at first; yet it doesn't last. soo goodbye! =)

It Was Indeed A Love Hate Relationship

2008-12-11T08:06:00.006+08:00

THIS IS LOVE

3 months passed... POP loh!
yes i had my pass out parade yest, yea alone.. it sucks but bite it girl!! i'm still here n kicking.. n i thot of shopping later. so it wldnt kill ryte?niwae yes about army life in BMT. It sucked initially but as times pass by, u mke frens.. even sme retarded ones, BMT appears to be rather fun.. to a point tht u do crazy shits without thinkin abt punishments.. hahaha!!! i'm loving it..
gonna miss my Platoon4; Sect 1 of Jaguar Coy 04/08.

Oh yea, kept forgetting to blog abt my "gayest" Saturday nite fever.
yeah, apart frm im recovering frm my fever.. and aftr the whole dance comp thingy which honestly i find it kinda boring... its time for my ever first virgin hang out at Tantric and PLAY. hhahaha!!!
it was fun.. getting tipsy and all soo happy.. for once i din need to think about the problems i hve. hahha!!! even if i think it wldnt help, soo y bother. soo like i say its fun talking to phil, ian n pppl like them, but i swear it hink they frgt my name oready.. drunk/semi-drunk ppl dun usually remember names.. ohh ya.. someone waterfalled.. and still going crazy..

Nick was dere, such a nice fella.. hahaha!!!
PLAY-ing with them homies n Nick turned out to b a crazy dance nite. With Mas INITIALLY slping.. haha!!!i had good time guys.. n i had a good time with u.

more pics..

I Want Candy

2008-12-08T04:08:00.001+08:00

In Trust You Believe.

Wipes Off Dust

2008-11-15T17:10:00.011+08:00

Yeay!!!
I'm back bitches.. just hadnt had much time to update.. to many events too little time..
i swear they shld reduce BMT to just 1 week. Hold the rifle and shoot.. hahaha!
Ok anyway, my time over at BMTC is ending pretty soon. yes, it holds quite a handful of nice n bad n yes shitty memories.. n i really mean shitty memories.. heh!

guess wad, arnd 2weeks and i'm done with it... I've gt a SAF Band auditions dis comin weekend.. i gt dance rehearsal to catch up to prior to a few comps/shows i think.. gosh!!!
i gtta catch up with my frens.. deres just too many things sia.. really..

anyway.. i'm missing lotsa people.. esp the BBYY gang..
God..
and and.. i swear i shld stop drinking evry weekend..
but den again i love getting tipsy with my homies.. soo wad say you??
lol!!!

ive gt and OC Evening thingy coming up dis week.. and im soo psyched about it!!!
and ooohhh!!!
SENSUAL SEDUCTION BAYBEH!!!!

deres jus too many things to type up..
NS is fun i swear!!! maybe e ferst month suck but serious shit.. its not tht tough as u think it is..
IPPT/NAPFA? nnothing lor...
Marksmanship? just shoot la...
Standard Obstacle Course? jus jump.. die nvm.. still have AVIVA insurance..

ok.. i need to goo offf..
lalalala!!!

last bt not least we aint dead.. refers to the pic below..

NS Boys to Men

2008-09-28T15:08:00.003+08:00

we're back

I've yet to get things all typed down. I dont really have evrything in mind rite now. theres a lot of things jus dat i dunno where to start it off.. ferst few dayswas sucky, yes yes.. im trying to adjust to the environment of self centered people and such.. soo i opened up to some of these losers.. yea yea.. fcuk it.. i dun cre if ppl read my blog.. Leadership or wadveer blearghs! HOW CAN U HAVE A FCUKING FUTURE SERGEANT DAT LOOKS LIKE BOOKWORMS???
get my point.. for those who knew well enough.. nerds n me, dun mix well together.. jus like shit n vodka.. apart from dat, i thank god that my bunk mates are the funkiest of them lot..
we noe wad we're doing n we dun have chao keng-ers...

okok.. im now in the midst fo baking choc cookies.. hahahah!!! n im booking in later at 2050..
hehe.. i managed to do sme light shopping..
OFFER LEHZ!!!
soo wad did i get myself..
I got a..
Victoria's Secret Double Body Mist; Candy - Gift from Izan who asked me out the moment i entered home on Friday.
Working Class Hero by NUM - It was on a 20% weekend offer.. can't resist.
Gold/Yellow Mesh Cap by Converse - It was also on SALE... hahaha!!!

okok.. im packing my jumbo field pack now..
im bringing along my portable speaker..
and to dem losers.. i still train my dance; in terms of stretchings in camp!!! hahahahah!!!
in other words..

my split is dere oready.. i just need to get used to it...
hahaha!!

bye fucktards!!!
LIGHTS OUT!

NS Man Part 2

2008-09-13T00:52:00.002+08:00

wooots~~~
Hello bloppers! yessa! its finally my turn to be a National Slave.. geez.. din noe dis day came earlier den expected, first it was no letters.. den came the medical chck up.. no biggie.. den came the enlistment notice.. still no biggie.. den came 2mths.. still no biggie.. den came 1mth.. still no biggie.. den lieft dance.. den i left Starbucks.. still no biggie.. den 1wk.. okok ar, my heart strted to tune into reggaeton heartbeats.. den came the day before enlistment.. fcuk, ni bukan reggaeton lagi sak, ni dah hard core speed metal.

I'm having this 50/50 feeling bout NS.. haha!! i dun cre abt it actually. the part tht i care is that im separated frm my loved ones, n forced to mke frens with new (maybe) loved ones.. but chills, i prefer my FAB4 to anything, and the scumbags it cmes with.. u guys rawk. Eh not forgetting my GFs frm BBYY gang!!!

Met some of them tht i can meet just now, fuuh~ last time to meet them before i gt in. damn, i noe time is like short jus nw.. 1hour seemed like 10secs, time jus moved soo soo fast. Gosh im lost for words.. neting guys, jus msg me, thts the fastest way to get thru me.. or u can leave a msg over at my hme phone.. maybe one of my sibs will take ur order.. hahaha!!! or well.. leave a tag msg.. anything lar eh.. snail mail pon jadi ar, but i dunno hw long it will tke to reach to me.. hoho!

K people, im done for now.. i love u guys.. i love my dancers, i love my lepak mates, i love my GFs and of coz i love my family. and and.. i love u my Girlfriend (padahal aku single, how?)

this isnt gonna b e last time u guys gonna hear frm me.. soo long suckas!!!
=)) (im actually holding back tears)

NS Man Part 1

2008-09-11T19:50:00.002+08:00

Goodbye my friend and brother.
Yessa!!! Dearest Alepo 'Jalil' Sanchez Castello is finally enlisted. I was dere throughout the whole enlistment programme which took nearly 4 hours alongside Phat 'The Man' and Haiqal 'Sam'.
Watching his mom cry.. gosh!!! i can feel it..

Bro, if ure reading it somewhere, me and Fa2 are holding back our tears as we noe ure holding back urs too!!! takmo maintain macho eh! haha!! we're proud of u Popo.

Soo 2more days..
i shaved my head.. and i'm ready to go!
chalo readers!

Dear Mom

2008-09-11T06:30:00.003+08:00

Dear Mom,
How i wished im still dat fetus inside you. How i wished i was dat baby u yearn to give birth to after dat 9mth wait. But i was wrong. U never cared for me. U made me do things i dun want to just to get ur attention. Its funny how i like the feeling of u scolding me, for at least i gt attention. But i din get the attention dat u showered to my elder bro.

I dun blame him for being more perfect than me. I tried to win ur heart. But never managed to. I dun hate u but i despise ur attitude. I noe favoritism is all arnd, happen in all families, but u need not need to show it to me. U dun need to show.. u seriously dun need to. It hurts me whenever u compare me with my brother.

I fixed the house, i fixed wiring.. i do anything i can arnd the house, even if its risks me getting shockd jus to gt ur acknowledgement.. But, im never appreciated. Mama, im goin NS soon, wad if i wun see u again, will u still remember me? It hurts me ma.. it hurts me to see u showing favoritism time n time again. Had u once apologised for hurting me? never..

For once please, hug me like before.. make me feel secure. Of coz, i will show im disgusted if u wanna hug me, but inside, i know ita whole diffrent feeling. Mama, i love you.. please dun hurt my feelings.. please..

I passed my Os, 18points.. Zad made it to 12pts. 6points diffrent.. it was a "abang ko dapat lagi tinggi dari kau".. i still remember those words. I passed my license u din even bother. I performed fr National Day, i took part in competitions, u never once came. I passed my Coffee Master challenged.. i clinchd top 10. i told u abt it and u never bothered.. Zad was the last in Starbucks Singapore and i got a number 6 u din even say anything.

I dun hate u ma.. i love you..
embrace me in ur arms ma..
i love you.. i do..
it hurts me to hurt u, but i do all these just to get ur attention..
see how pathetic i can be??
haiz.. if only u knew how much u mean to me mother..

Happiness

2008-09-10T05:31:00.002+08:00

Lots of things to update. From various outings to breaking fast outside and sahur-ing outside. Its just too many things.
Ferst things ferst.. Adi Johan is now a mr policeman.. lol!!!
Anyway, wehre should i start. Pics from Dorothy apparently isn't up yet..
She needs to undergo cesarean coz Photobucket refused to host those pics.

Soo letme break it down..
hmm..

Saturday
Fcuk hilarious!!! Buke puase at Kampong Glam with Scumbags Inc. And i think i found a new fabulous 4. gosh~ as much as i dun want to replace the original FAB4, i gues it somehow had been. I guess u three noe who u guys are.. same number.. 3guys 1 girl... haha!!! n yeah, the girl is attachd to one of the guys. SWEET~

Soo buke was great, Food was OK, service was stupid. The thing is we had no plans aftr tht. The rain made us all draggy and sleepy i think. Evry 5metres becme a pit stop. TATING SAK!!!
we wanna go Geylang, but DAMN THE RAIN.. end up we went to Orchard.. still plan-less.. i was like shit its my idea to go town.. shit shit.. like serious (malu tau ajak orang gi town in the end mcm mendak).. till..
WE RANDOMLY CHECK OUT EMAX.. and and.. woohooo~
book a room and went nuts.. serious fuck!!!
watching The Eye.. screaming out asses off.. Clubbing aftr tht.. hell crazy!!! Sahur-ing at 888 Plaza. i'm lost for words la!!!

Sunday
1 word. BORED

breaking fast over at nenek's is forever boring. I just dun click with my maternal cousins.

Monday
I dunno wad happen.. lol!!! did i lepak?? I think i did!!!
yes yes.. with my tappered pants.. lol!!! kecoh per!!!
lol!!!

Tuesday
EMAX-ed again!!!
kk.. i seriously cannot do much typing.. i jus love these guys! FCUK SIA!!!
hilariously fun to be out.. this time round was the Messenger. kool shit.
Pop Tarts made me high!

p/s; This goes to a bro of mine, Alepo "Jalil" Sanchez Castello. Thanks for all the nites over at ur place. Thanks for accompanying my nonsense all these while be it shopping, buka/sahur outside and all. Yes yes, i love the other 2 as well.. its just a special shout out to him since he's going NS tmrw. Gonna miss this matrep in denial for awhile. hahaha!!! i'll join u dere 2 days later k. see you at the cookhouse!!!

p/s/s; Scumbags Inc and FAB4, need i say more?
LOVED.

Trust Me I Don't Care

2008-09-04T23:47:00.002+08:00

Mah god!!!
i'm soo like Panic! At the... or should i say, panic in my bedroom!!!
Coz waddt!!! the phone i want to gt its soo rare to find it now. Called a shop jus nw and dey said they no longer have it.. fcuk!!!
im going Lucky tmrw.. anyone wanna tag??
Niwae, going Mustafa tmrw nite.. Anyone wanna tag along?? gt 2 mre seats!!! haha...
no no, i aint driving, just cabbing down..
wakakakakaka!!!

niwae, i dun care what happened to u, u coz it to happen.. its all in the past. Gosh~ can i punch you.. fcuk sia.. i hate having these thots abt u! seriously i hate it!!!
siape makan chilli rase pedas

ok fcuk bye!!! i'm soo fat nw.. lol! bloated.. wanna smoke.. wanna watch anime..
hhahaha!!! 1 wk to NS..

to all my loved ones.. u noe i love u.. hohoho!!

I Just Realised

2008-09-03T05:04:00.000+08:00

I Just realised im losing weight again, and im no longer doing my exercises.. shit!!
okok!! i better gain back my fats.. 2wks to go.. 10kg to gain before NS!!!!

hohohoho!!! bileh punyer.. protein n carbo food, here i come!!!
DENGDENGSSS!!!!!

I MISS ALL OF YOU!!!

and i jus ate 2 chicken&cheese burgers.. yes two..
with chips..
a grande sized hot milo..
a glass of fruit punch.. yes yes.. fat fat to last me the whole day..
i'm supposed to gt oni 1 burger, but hehe.. daddy gave it to me his share.. lol!!!

Thousand Apologies, I'm Just Bored

2008-09-02T23:55:00.002+08:00

Niwae, ive added my very own ebay section where i sell my used stuff. Be sure to check it out yeah..

Shopping List Went Cocked Way Way Up

2008-09-01T22:56:00.005+08:00

For those shit heads who din noe anything abt my shopping, scram. For those good bangers, u guys noe i always have this shoppinglist evry mnth. HOWEVER!!!
Shopping list for September became such a headache.
NS life in 2wks..
n guess wad.. im ok with the list of items given to buy..
the prob now is..
I FUCKING DON'T HAVE A NON-CAMERA PHONE!
. alarm clock
. basic toiletries
. washing det
. extra undergarments
. swimming goggles
. nexpensive watch
. nail clipper
. slippers

and, haha!! i ve gt plans to get all these in red.. yes i noe its available.. except fr slippers n undergarments. haha.. a red underwear screams kinky.. n red slippers makes me attract too much attention.. soo ill stick to black for those..
the prob now is the fcukin fone!!!
I've like rummage throughout my home.. no wrking non-camera phone. well dere is ar.. but fcuk.. these non-cam phones are ugly. n i mean all of dem sia!!!!
soo i surfed the net.. for hours.. and found a non-cam phone.. in red n black housing summore!!!
instant love!!!
wads more...
its an mp3 player cum phone.
looks like an mp3 player..
yes no camera..
the oni drawback is the price..
$250 for a set. -_-"
yes, due to its expandable external memory of microSD of up to 2GB.
nonetheless.. ive made up my mind to gt it.

now haiz..
i gt too pull back alot of things frm my spetember shopping list.
i'm not buying the shoe.. -_____________-"
i soo want it, but lets bring it forward to next mth, niwae i wun b dancing in camp.. lol!!!!
the mp3 player is deleted frm the list.. haha!!!
coz the phone is n mp3 player...
soo im left with the specs.. i soo need to buy the specs i gt no choice.
sooo...
yes, specs im gtting a cheapo black plastic rimmed ones.. yes typical nsmen style..
soo i projected dat to be $40..
soo i brng a total of $290.
n its jus fr 2 things.. hw sad..
im left with $310 aftr all these...
with $310.. life is pathetic..

k dun mess with me.. NS SOO NEAR.. hahaha!

Timeless Time Less

2008-09-01T06:10:00.002+08:00

Fuhh!!
before i start my usual rantings..
HAPPY FASTING TO ALL MY MUSLIM FRIENDS..
enemies - but God wants me to forgive you all..
ex-es - got no choice kan..
aquaintances - just fast la
family - need i say more?

So ya bottomline, just fast la..
smokers try nt to smoke ok, im trying here as well..
Anyway.. heres it.

On Sat, had dis outing with my BBYY girls.. minus Ints coz shes wrking, but i gt to see her as well.. and den, went to dinner.. yeah!!! its soo nice.. soo fun.. n i realised im the only boy/guy/dude/man whatever la.. haha!!
den i noe at nite whadever it is i need to mit those CCB loved ones n scumbags.. den i recieved a kol frm Ril. hahaha!!! soo met up with him.. accompany his shopping nonsense.. n the word of the day, he calls Suntec Mall setan. hahahaahahaha!!!

Was still shopping at Topman, Fie joined.. haha!! kecoh lah korng.. had dinner at Fish&Co.. then off to Starbucks again to collect white chocolate drinks.. den smoke den went home.
Seriously, im lazy to type soo save the details..
yeah took train, took the green line.. hahaha!! yea.. fun..
met the loved ones n scumbags over at the usual..
den head over to BooBoo's place to gt his soccer stuff.. n den off to Popo's place.
and Popo!!! final warning!!! no poking of whatever things arnd my butt region unless u wanna gt kicked, punched or spiked. get it?!!! lol!

Sunday came.. soccer canceled, soo the boys including Baqir slept till late, seriously i dun remember wad time baqir came 'home'.. lol! kitorng mcm lost boys in boxers in a room sleeping ike logs. sooo arnd 9+.. we gt to gt out..
COZ MAS DAH BISING2 NAK JUMPE BOOBOO DIER!!!
tating sak!!!
soo i went to mit my pinay fren with injured Rauf. haiyo Rauf, thx God he looks better nw and able to walk slight distances.. and kan, i think it fun to push u arnd in ur wheelchair. mcm kool jugak ar..

soo sent Rauf home, den went to mit Licia over at AMK, den went bck to SK to gt chnged and all.. n cabbed to Orchard to slack. hahaha!!! ate at mackies.. den walkd down frm Pacific all the way to Fountain Of Wealth. And i dun feel fatigue. its soo cooling.. the fun, the talking.. the nonsense..
arnd 4.40 left town, bck to SK.. and i rushed home fr my pre-dawn meal!!! and i made it in time!!!

woooots~
ok soo dat explains why im lazy to go into details.. deres just soo many things to type..
ohh
i miss my BBYY galfwens oready!!!!!
i miss my crew, Titanicians n the scumbags..
and i jus realised i haven buy my stuffs fr enlistment..

POPO!!!
Mustafa Ctr next week ok??

i needa gt red alarm clock..
xtra red toothbrush..
red toiletries.. if i can find a shampoo n body foam in dat color..
red swimming goggles (entah eh)
red undies.. k dis one lets stick to black.. red macam kinky gtu..
sme watch... (dey say inexpensive ones.. wadde)
red nail clipper..
n simple balck slippers with red stuff smewhere ( i dun wanna risk my praias)

ohh yes, red cheapo fone if possible..

tarrah~~~

Plain Old Me

2008-08-30T01:23:00.002+08:00

28.08.2008
Marks my last day in Starbucks MW. Trust me, i thot i can get over tht job easily, but its hard.. serious.. feelings do welled up in me. Damn shit ar!
Haha thank God, i din like teared or been too sentimental during my last shift. But while i was talking abt wrk to Sha, i felt ya.. i do like wrking there.. gosh!!!
No more free drinks guys.. =(
i noe soo sad ryte? But i still hve my partner's card = discount.. hahah!
Soo my journey had ended.. i'm no longer the Store Coffee Master, not even a Part-Time Barista, well maybe.. just maybe i'll b back aftr NS, jus like how my bro came bck to RC. In other wrds.. i hope my plan goess well aftr NS.. =)

Without work.. im literally a lil poor (dats if u takeaway the money i gt frm my dad).
Dance, i took dance away frm me prior to NS..
School.. i skipped dat..
soo actually now, im totally a boring bored nothing to do plain stupid Ayul. Haha!!! NS soon, im kinda looking forward to it.. haha!! i jus dunnoe why.. tapi mcm a lil sedih.. god!! wun be seeing those loved ones alot.. n thnk god im single, coz if im atachd, i think ill cry like baby sia..

Soo where was i recently? hanging out with ma fwen till late nites.. n sleeping over at Popo's place. haha!! Yes, i decided to kol Alep, as Popo now.. hahaha!!!
Guess Sat nite i'll go slp over Popo's place again.. hohoho!!!

Niwae, fasting mth coming, and i hve thots of quitting smoking.. hmm.. i wonder~

Fairytales

2008-08-25T02:35:00.002+08:00

For I Am Glad That I Met You

it wouldnt be the same if youre not here..
for you changed the meaning of lights n rainbows..

Now sometimes, i just wish people wld wake me up frm my fairytales n dreams, for tehy dun bcme reality.. nuff said..

let me hibernate for now..
lets just put those thots n hopes behind fr nw..
NS here i come...

NS = escape from harsh reality to a harsh training ground.. its good mind exercise.. =)

Two Alphabets Between Our Innitials

2008-08-23T02:40:00.002+08:00

Sometimes, i gt a feeling, ive learn to see things dat arent dat farfetched..
like i said, youre becoming my addiction, n no im not crazy..
When Gila boy meets a kinda-Gila girl = sumpah aku tak tau

jigsaw:
hey.. nak bwobfbdebdfd

Brownies For Love

2008-08-20T12:35:00.005+08:00

Sumpah i dunnoe wads the title about.. had been listening n re-dancing to music for love dat i bcme stupid i think.. haha!!!

niwae, im soo getting this with D next mth.. lalala!!!

off to dance prac.. wee~

jigsaw:
i got it all sorted out now, and all thanks to you.. =)

Banged Out

2008-08-16T22:06:00.000+08:00

So i was wrking one Friday morning. Its an ohk day.. but u noe, wrking with Shimmy n Idi will obviously go well.. yes, 3 of us enough to mke the day go crazy.. n blearghx! stupid crowd.. no stop still ok.. haha!! shld i add, we PCD-ed an entry to wrk.. lol!!!
Imagine 2 "forever 18 kids", strutting to PCD's "When I Grow Up" in Millenia Walk at 6.30am in the morning!!!

HAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

and soo we ended shift.. lepak here n dere.. n i got to go to the store BBQ outing..
hehe!! i stick to my idea of not cooking!!! yesssa!! i came alongside Nazzie in his Liyana.. yes 2 guys n a car n smoking all the way.. and yeah, gt there sat down.. n makan mcm babi!
i guess i really did eat alot.. coz the chix wing i damn blahdy nice!! the marination dat is.. the satay okok ar but ya..
popped in marshmallows, sme coke.. some green tea, a lil dash of Jolly Shandy and sipped a few Tigers. lol!

Arnd 11pm, left the place to meet Kimmie.. Omg!! ure gonna leave like later?? shit sia!!! i fcuking gonna miss u while ure away!
kk, im now waiting for the pics of the outing frm all those cameras.. yes we're talking pics frm 2 DSLRs and 2 RED digicams.

Crashed over at Alepo's place and str8 to dreamland.. yes yes.. i was dat beat.
till den mofos, im off...

to self:
i like you, and you, n you, n you.. and also you.. but i nvr mentioned the word love to any of u. hahaha!!!! k shut up.

Another Day, Updates

2008-08-12T21:59:00.002+08:00

Thank god national day is over.. sentosa session over..
well im left with a few days in Starbucks MW.. Kimmie Knowles leaving for India soon.. ='(..
wad else.. ohh ya.. Risha Cole has left MW before i leave..
be strong sista!!! u'll be the best manager ever!!! trust me..
Rachelle Carpio Bengala is coming back soon!!!
Dance is gonna stop soon for me..
After all these events have occured, i'll be the plain old Ayul..

Ok, work was okla..
recently been msg-ing someone, i oso dunnoe y.. dun ask me..
Darl popped by wrkplace just now, and whats the ferst thing tht was told..
"Look at my legs!!!"
and i go.. "nono, look at mine"...

Wrking mid/late morning shifts the whole of these week, but its ok.. i've gt my Shimmy to accompany my nonsense..
Was wrking with some people.. time is running out in Starbucks.. and i need to gt things done before i leave, left a 2 page essay, (its a negative one).. coz im pissed with how things go with the new Starbuckians..
1. messy store room.
2. messy back-cupboards.
3. stocks not done well.
4. slow
and the list can go on!!!
i'll deal with these people personally if i dun see a change by next week.. grrr!!!

reachd home..
NO FOOD!!!
thnk god, Alfie bro ordered mackiez!!!
yes, i gt my Mc Spicy meal.. gobbled down in less den 8mins flat.. hahaha!!!

i'm using a downright stupid moto flip fone now..
hahaha!!! feeling cosmopolitan kid lahh.. flippie fone mahx!!!!

okok.. i wanna watch my anime.. uhu uhu hu!!!
will be online till quite late ar!!!
wrking at 11am tmrw!!!

yessa!!!
Store Outing this friday..
am soo looking forward to it!!!

to self:
falling out from you. undecided. open options.
let's GO DISCO!!!